It has been a while, but it's time for another O.5 rated blog post! (For those who have just joined the programme, O is the letter O, not the number zero, and O.5 is my rating between M15+ and R18+.) As usual, if you are family, or really don't want to know something about me that might make it hard to look me in the face next time you see me, it's probably not a good idea to read this post.
Talking to Olek and Jeroz in HoN the other day about "asl" reminded me of this one person I came across while I was playing checkers online. I still remember his username: ill_type_roller. For a reason I never understood at the time, most of the games I played were prefaced by people asking "a/s/l?" before the game. It irritated me a lot as probably 80% of the time, my opponent would leave after I told them I was a 12-year-old female from Australia, but was more interested in playing checkers than cybersex. Why were these people hanging around games of checkers rather than in some chat room trying to find someone? (I wonder if Stephen Conroy is going to suggest we start to filter out anything that allows one person to talk to another person online. If online checkers is unsafe for children, who knows what other "dangers" lurk out there?!)
The difference between ill_type_roller and all the other asl-retards was that even though I expressed my disinterest, he continued to play a game of checkers with me. The difference betweewn ill_type_roller and all the other people I played checkers with was that even though I expressed my disinterest, he continued to tell me about how he fingered his girlfriend last night, in great detail. He wasn't a bad player, but he didn't seem to get the hint when I didn't reply to anything that he said.
Fast forward a few years later and during a night of curiosity, his words suddenly came back to me. I tried to do everything he said that he did, and while it felt a bit nice, it seemed like an overrated experience to me. There was nothing to make me moan like he said his girlfriend did, it felt a bit more like being tickled but instead of laughing uncontrollably it just tingled nicely wherever my finger was. Then it occured to me, maybe I was doing it wrong. No way could this be the fabled orgasm. This couldn't be what guys apparently think about every 7 seconds, or that women cheat on their husbands for.
Despite feeling that what I was doing was wrong and that God would smite me down, or police would burst into my room at night, I persevered. I was too afraid to search online for help, because we only had one computer at the time, and I didn't want it to come up in the browser history. Weeks went by with no luck, and I was starting to wonder if maybe all women faked it, and that there was no such thing as an orgasm for women at least. Had I discovered the biggest conspiracy since the moon landing? (I kid, I do believe we've sent people up to the moon.)
Then I came across a section of a site that I frequented that I had previously ignored due to the "adult content". The site itself was something that Iwasn't afraid to have in my browser history and I figured that someone who was just scanning my history wouldn't notice if a few of the pages were from this adult section. So I clicked. The page featured a lot of erotic stories and since I was already on the page, I decided to pick one of the stories and read it. It was hot, it was steamy, it made me wish I had someone who would do those things to me.
All of the nights of fruitless rubbing had been forgotten. It was the first appearance of "the faceless man" who I fantasized about, doing all of those things in the story to me. I didn't know what an orgasm felt like, but in my fantasy, I knew it was what I wanted and he was getting me there. Everything he did to me felt so good, it was like he could read my mind and knew exactly what I wanted, as well as what I needed but didn't know I wanted. It was an incredible experience in my head and then something started to happen outside my fantasy. I had to quickly cover my mouth in case the moan I knew was coming escaped.
I haven't read that story again since that time. I've found much better writers since then and haven't really felt compelled to search for it. For anyone who is curious though, I think the title was something along the lines of The Night Trunks Was Conceived. Yep, my first orgasm was thanks to Dragonball Z fanfiction.
