Fraternity

One thing I did get out of our failed tournament participation was that I found out that my brother is playing for a professional DotA 2 team. In fact, they were invited to The International - and if Valve is willing to give them an all-expenses paid trip to the US, they must be pretty damn good. I did a bit of Googling, and found an interview and a bunch of posts by other people. It's a bit weird, as I have known him his entire life, but there are people on the Internet that seem to know more about him than I do at the moment.

I have had people tell me that I should try talking to him again, but it has been so long since we last had a proper conversation, and I honestly don't remember why we stopped talking in the first place. We did a lot together as kids, and during primary school, I think I spent more time with his friends than with my own. It probably helped that he had a friend who had a giant collection of N64 games (he even had duplicates of some games, since his parents were divorced, and were both trying to spoil him). Or maybe I was just a loner. Then there is this big gap when we stopped talking to each other, and now it's just now. A part of me is wondering if the only reason I want to talk to him again is because he is (somewhat) famous. Though another part of me says that it doesn't matter why I want to talk to him again, it's good for the family if I do, and it'd make mum happy.

Sometimes I wonder if I only got into DotA 2 and chose poker as my second game because I wanted to keep some connection with him. I only saw him during one of my poker shifts, and whenever I wasn't dealing, I kept wandering over to his table to make sure that he was doing OK. I never told him though. After I found out about his DotA 2 team, I got a bit obsessed and tried to find out all I could about him. I tried to watch all of his TI2 games, but only managed to catch one of them live - the one where they got eliminated from the tournament.

I kinda feel a bit bad, I was mostly the good kid. I studied in high school, went to uni, didn't do drugs, tried to live up to the Asian parents' dream. He was the opposite once he hit high school. But the thing is, he was always better than me. He could practice something over and over, something I still cannot do. I think I've always preferred to live on the safe side - pick a degree that is likely to get me a job, and even though it will mean years of slaving away to make a decent amount of money, it's almost guaranteed. Whereas he seems to be fine with the idea of being a progamer and having a tiny chance of being successful, but once he makes it, then he'll have made it big.

We just seem to have such different personalities and backgrounds. If it weren't for the fact that we're related, I don't think we'd talk to each other at all. He drove me home a few days ago, and the entire car ride felt really awkward. I asked him a bit about The International, but seeing as his team didn't do so well, I didn't really want to ask too much. He asked me a bit about work, but after I briefly explained foreign exchange, the conversation died again.

He did mention that he wanted to take a year off uni to play DotA 2 exclusively, but he was worried about telling our parents, because he didn't think they'd understand. He also wanted to try and get a better Internet connection back at home, so that he could stream games and make a bit of money (though he said he'd need about 2000 viewers over 6 hours to make $150 - seems like a tough life to me).

The big sister in me wants to help him out, but I really don't know how. I mentioned that I watched him play, but when he asked why I was watching him, I lied and said I happened to be watching the stream of his teammate. Which I was, but the only reason I subscribed to that stream in the first place was to be able to watch him play. Am I bordering on stalker territory? Is it too late to make amends?