Nate: A threesome?
Dan: Oh yeah. Just me, Olivia (his gf), Vanessa (his best friend), two girls, four boobs, one Dan Humphrey.
Nate: Aw.
Dan: How awesome am I?
Nate: How stupid can you be?
Dan: What?
Nate: Buddy. Okay, I know things. I've been to Europe. Chuck Bass is my best friend. Alright, the third person is supposed to be a stranger.
Dan: The fact that it was Vanessa is what made it so fun.
Nate: Okay, the problem is that during a threesome there's always a twosome and a onesome going on.
Dan: You know what? The onesome was not so bad.
Nate: Okay, you may have enjoyed the show. But let's face it Vanessa is very vocal. It couldn't have been easy for Olivia to hear all that.
Dan: You know what, Olivia was fine. We talked the next morning. And so was Vanessa. I mean I haven't really seen her much, but I'm sure she is. Why are you being such a buzzkill?
Nate: Because you're lucky to have both of them in your life.
- Gossip Girl: The Last Days of Disco Stick
I was reading some old blog posts, and came across the saga of "That Guy", which I feel is one of the biggest mistakes I have made so far in my life. TL;DR: Wanted sex one day and Charmeleon was unavailable, suggested meeting up for sex with one of my guildmates from WoW. We did. Then we did again. Then he wanted to, but I wanted to study, so I said no, but he kept insisting. So I decided I didn't want to see him anymore, and he said:
(sic) Alright, lol? okay.. see you like to make your insignificant life soo out there. and bitch to the open, i think in my defense i should only reply to your blog so others can read, alright.
for starters I’ve only ever read ur blog twice, coz i know you love to bitch about people and life after certain events like all myspace/blog kiddies (100% predictable of course)
Now. i’ve never called you. so why lie to make this much more of an issue to dramatize ur pathetic low life? i only messaged you twice to ask why u blocked me so i really dont understand why you make such bullshit up… So yes, i do regret even knowing you. even having sex with you on the first meetings i ever met you, well for me the experience was very daunting. you wondered why i couldn’t climax, that’s because it was like having sex with the grand canyon.
Alright. soo now that we’ve established your a self righteous bitch unable to face a problem and a delusional moron with 0 life experiences as so expressed from her 1 of (I’m sure many, in her boring ramblings of her depressing thoughts aka “blogs” ) shit analogies , and a shit root and a slut lol.. i think i will finally decide to not even initiate ur pathetic existence in this world and will forever regret knowing you.
my 2cents.
So... Very harsh, but not entirely undeserved. Maybe I gave the impression that it was an ongoing thing, like I had with Charmeleon, and I wasn't entirely clear that I didn't want to see him again - which is highly likely, given how much I hated being direct back then (and still do). Thinking back, I realised it was a really risky thing to do. Although "That Guy" wasn't a complete stranger (he was a friend of a friend of one of my cousins), getting into a car, and then sleeping with someone you've never met before probably isn't a good idea!
In retrospect, that was one of the moments I would like to redo if I went back in time. I don't think it has affected me very much, but it was cruel of me to do that to someone as if they had no feelings. Sometimes it makes me feel pretty sick that I could do that.
Someone at work asked why I didn't just ask one of my male friends at uni? For one, it's a heap safer in the sense that I will have had some time to scope out whether they're an axe murderer or not (although with some people, you can't tell...). The thought had crossed my mind, but I decided against it for a few reasons.
At the time, I still lived with my family, and I didn't really think they'd be happy with me bringing a stranger to our house. My mum doesn't even like it when we invite over people we know really well! We could have done what I did with AG, was just do it in his car, or at his house - or, and I feel really bad about this one, at the house he was house-sitting (I really hope he washed the sheets afterwards =/). However, I barely knew anyone who had their own car, much less someone who had moved out of home. The people who did fill those criteria were mostly people who were already in a relationship, so they were definitely off-limits.
There was also the problem of my lack of confidence. I didn't think anybody would say yes. I asked someone at work who I also happened to go to uni with, and he said he would have said no. I'm not even looking anymore, but even that felt a bit crushing - I don't think I could have handled a real rejection.
Most importantly, I had a great fear of ruining a friendship. It's kinda like snoring - how can you really know whether you snore or not? How can you know if you're good in bed or not? You can ask your partner, but they have a huge motivation to lie to you, which is why you hear women saying, "He wasn't very big anyway" after a relationship has ended, but who don't complain during the course of the relationship itself. Sometimes it's just a spiteful insult, but I think sometimes it's true. For all I know, I could be the grandest of all canyons, but I can never find out as I will have nothing to compare with (and if I couldn't work up the courage to ask someone I knew to have sex with me, I would definitely not have enough courage to ask someone I know to have sex with me and then sex with lots of other girls to compare).
When it's just a throwaway relationship that you haven't spent time building up, then there is no fear that the person you're sleeping with might not enjoy it, and so even if it is bad (from either person's point of view), you haven't really lost anything. However, if it is a friend, then there is the potential that the friendship will never be the same - especially if you are a coward like me and struggle to confront someone directly.
I've never been in a threesome, but for the reason above, I feel like I should stick closely to the Gossip Girl rule: The third person is supposed to be a stranger. We've talked about possibly asking people we know, and I think it was mostly decided that it would be weird. Nate's point from the quote, about it being a twosome and a onesome is another great one, as at the end of the day, we are going to cuddle together in bed and go to sleep, while whoever the other person is gets packed onto a train for a lonely trip home. Would anyone want to do that?
I guess ideally, to be fair, you'd have two couples, and one really strong bed, but then it's just partner swapping or in the worst case, you end up with a threesome and a onesome. Or a twosome and two onesomes. I wonder if that's how people get into cuckolding. Or bukakke.
The only other solution seems to be to pay someone to join you, but I'm really worried about diseases. I think they're meant to tell you whether they have something or not, but I don't know if you can ever really know for sure. Though the same is true for your friends. Do you all go and get tested together and open the results together? That seems like something that'd kill the mood pretty quickly. Plus, anyone can print out some paper and put it in an envelope. I've never actually been tested, do the results even come in an envelope? Maybe they just email it these days.
There must be an app for this kind of thing...
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