Toughening Up!

Dr. Buddy Rydell: Dave, there are two kinds of angry people in this world: explosive and implosive. Explosive, which is the most common, is the type of individual you see screaming at a grocery store cashier for not taking his coupon. Implosive, the least common, is the cashier at the store who remains quiet at his job day after day until he then finally loses it and just shoots everyone in the store. You're the cashier.
Dave Buznik: No, no, no. I'm the guy in the frozen food section dialling 911. I swear.
-Anger Management

So, the major thing that has happened in my life so far this year is my dismal loss to Pulkit in a sumo fight. For those who weren't there, Pulkit stood on the spot, and I tried to push him with everything I had, and he didn't even move. I know that I'm definitely lacking in the physical department, but I didn't think I was that weak. So I decided to take up a sport to try and develop my strength. Probably a really girly thing to say, but the problem I have with most sports is that I hate getting really sweaty, which really rules out any sport that doesn't take place in the water. After going ice skating at the Icehouse at the Docklands, I decided I was going to try out ice hockey.

There are a few reasons for this other than wanting to be stronger. A few weeks ago, I was playing a game of HoN with Jeroz, Redact and Redact's friends, and I guess I just had a really bad day or something and I snapped. I started raging at one of my teammates, uncontrollably. I just couldn't stop, and eventually, he rage quit. I would like to think that I rarely rage at others, especially in games as they're just games. After it happened, I felt so bad I apologized to Jeroz and went and did something else. I think that things like that are a sign that I am a "cashier" - I mean, if 5 years of working at Safeway don't count for anything, then what does? I hate the idea that there's a ticking time bomb inside me just waiting to explode (ah, cliches, how I love thee). Do you want to know what that guy did to set me off? He claimed that he died because I didn't buy wards. Something so small, and I know that if someone said that to me in a game right now, I would just shrug it off.

I think the biggest contributor to my "cashier" nature is the fact that I'm such a doormat. I agree to do things that I really don't want to do, and then I start to resent the people around me for not realising that I don't want to do it. Then start hating them for even asking me in the first place, despite the fact that there is no way for them to know I don't want to do it because I keep saying yes all the time.

The hardest part for me, is being comfortable with the idea that there are people out there who hate me. Urgh, even writing that makes me try to think of all the people who might possibly hate me, and then makes me try to come up with ways to fix it so they don't. Although the only person I can come up with at the moment is my sister. Anyway, in ice hockey, there are going to be plenty of people who hate me, from the person who I just slammed into the wall, to my teammates who are upset because I just missed an important shot. Rather than try to make them like me, I think it'll motivate me to be a better player. Plus, I can just take out all of my aggression on the other players and nobody will think it's unusual.

Ice hockey has all of the benefits of a contact sport, without crazy amounts of sweating. Plus, I think it'll make me more confident being able to walk into a room knowing that I could probably body slam most of the people in it.

In other non-angry news, I think I have really missed my calling as a criminal. Roulette is pretty much automatic for me now, and in between dealing with drunks and rude players, I spend most of my time thinking up ways to rob the casino. I know, it's a terrible hobby, and I would like to say that I would never actually carry out any of these plans! First of all, most of the plans I have come up with are just ways to steal small amounts of money (around $10k) that aren't really worth the risk of getting caught. Secondly, I think it's wrong to steal. I got paid more than I should have last week, and to me it felt like I was stealing so I told a pit boss about it. He said that I shouldn't worry about it, it was only about $22.

I've recently discovered a new crime author to read, James Swain, who critics claim is inventing a new genre: casino noir. His books are light-hearted crime stories, but in them, he writes about many casino scams that have been tried in the past - most of which are on the level of my ideas. I find the idea behind most of them quite interesting, but they all required someone on the inside to pull off. Reading about them though, makes me wonder if I'm just reinventing the wheel with my own ideas. I'm sure the scams he has written about are ones that are "declassified" since I know they would be impossible to pull off where I work. So there must be scams that aren't allowed to be published (read: hidden somewhere in the Interwebs) which are in a completely different league to what I have come up with.

One "cheat" that Work Paul told me about was something called a "Savannah bet" where the idea is to wait until the winning number is on the table furthest away from the dealer, and then when the dealer turns their head to check the number, someone quickly places chips underneath any winning chips on that number.

There is a more complicated version which requires at least two people. One person ("A") must play the brown chips (because these chips closely resemble $100 cash chips). They have to cash in for a few stacks of brown chips, plus a few $100 cash chips, all in plain view. Then they give some brown chips to their accomplice ("B"). "A" bets everywhere like a maniac and acts noob. Once the number is on the farthest side again, "B" then slips a couple of brown chips with a $100 cash chip underneath onto the winning number. Then "A" has to quickly hide one of their $100 chips and then start screaming that one has gone missing. The dealer than realises that "A" must have "accidentally" bet one of their $100 chips in addition to the brown chips, and since the bet is there, it stands and gets paid 35:1, $3500.

Sounds good except for one thing: cameras. No supervisor is just going to let something suspicious like that get paid out without checking the footage. No matter how fast your hands are, you're not going to be faster than a camera can record.

I really need to get out of this business....