I hope this post is generic enough that the person can't be identified. The post got me thinking about fetishes (of the sexual kind), and whether it was bad to have an abnormal fetish. I always preferred to break it down into harmful and non-harmful, rather than normal and abnormal. I believe if someone gets off on watching clocks tick from 11:59PM to midnight, and they're not doing anything harmful to anyone, then so be it. Who cares if it's "weird" or whatever? Though "harmful" may not be the right word, as some people enjoy BSDM, among other things, and so they might want to be harmed in that way. So maybe something along the lines of doing something to someone which they don't want done to them.
Anyway, the post also had me thinking about the way in which fetishes develop. I've been meaning to write up a cognitive model of HoN learning for a while now, but I've been too lazy. The idea behind this is somewhat similar.
When you first start exploring sexual material, chances are you did not know what you were looking for, and you were too embarrassed to do a deep search, so you would stop at the first thing that remotely turned you on, and that you had relatively easy access to. These days, for most people, that would be something found on the internet - which was DBZ fanfiction in my case. What you tend to go searching for may also have links to what you have been told by others is "hot" - for instance, the stereotypes surrounding maids, schoolgirls, nurses, etc. You sample this for a while, and it works for you.
Later, you might decide to expand your horizons, maybe try out a Russian dominatrix instead of the maid you always go back to. The mood has changed, and you have to adjust your style. Rather than watching the demure maid who does whatever she is told, and will do anything to please her master, suddenly you're watching a woman who knows what she wants, and if she isn't pleasured NOW, then there will be punishment. Things are so new, and the things that you might have looked out for before (brief glimpses up the maids skirt, or the ridiculously clumsy maid falling on an erect penis (sounds painful to me)) aren't there, and you have to learn what new things are there to excite you.
Maybe it takes too long. You think to yourself, "I should have finished by now, what's going on?" Maybe Russian dominatrices aren't for you, and so you go back to the familiar, the things that you know work. Over time, your mind has things that it is guaranteed to get off on, things it is sometimes in the mood for, and things that don't really work, or might work after a lot of effort.
I think it is when you don't try out new things, that you end up with a very small number of things in each category, and you just become so accustomed to your favourites that it is hard for you to adjust to seeing something new. Then there starts to be some crossover, where you start to notice in the outside world those things that you previously only looked for while masturbating. It's natural to find people attractive and be aroused, but I think when it's at the point where you are starting to fixate on certain things, and aren't able to control it, that it gets to the point of being a fetish.
It makes me wonder whether maids, schoolgirls and nurses are really that interesting to the male libido, or whether it's just a reinforced stereotype.
For a while, I was a bit afraid that I had an abnormal fetish, and that it was bordering on harmful. We used to have a shared computer at home, so looking up porn was pretty much impossible. However, I discovered a bunch of books that my aunt had given us, and some of those books featured Mills and Boon type romance novels. I can't remember how old I was at the time, but I read them thinking they'd be like the Babysitters Club style romances, not having any idea what I was reading until it was too late.
For those who have yet to open one of those books, a lot of them feature a sex scene where the guy is so overcome with desire for a woman that he has to have her, and somehow her clothes seem to just fall off, and she is so wet that he can just slide in and thrust deep (it's always a deep thrust, I think in that world, there is no other kind) inside her. Of course, they both orgasm at the exact same time, which shows how in love they are.
Being the naive girl that I was at the time, I started to believe that that is how it happened, and so a lot of my fantasies involved doing something mundane in a room with a guy, when suddenly he would be so overcome and he would take me right then and there (never having had sex before, the details were kinda fuzzy). Those were the kind of stories I would seek out (you can look pretty inconspicuous reading text on the computer, and chances are, nobody would be reading with you over your shoulder, so it was something I could do with a shared computer - I also learned how to clear browsing history around the same time).
For a long time, I seemed to have a bit of a fetish for being practically raped, but then it actually happened (me having sex, not me being raped), and it kinda dispelled the idea. I would sometimes find a story, and a voice in the back of my head would tell me that things don't really happen like that, which would occasionally ruin the mood. That's when I started trying out new things, and found other things that worked for me.
One last thing that I thought about. The poster said that it is hot when a girl talks about sexual things, but creepy when a guy does it. Personally, I disagree. I used to read a blog written by a guy about things he did with his wife and various other women (can't say if it was real or fake though), and I didn't find it creepy at all. Actually, it was pretty hot, until it got a bit boring, as it was mostly the same stuff over and over again.
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I did WiiFit again today. I think my body started to get used to it, as I found I was thinking about doing yoga quite a lot during my week without WiiFit. Plus, I am now at 67kg, so I think that's another sign that I should continue. Although, I want to take up ice skating, and I'm going to sign up the term starting in October.
2 comments:
I would love to give my opinion if I had any experience,
however i wanna say that I found your article extremely interesting :)
and how should we clear browse history?
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