At the Movies With Fodder

I think it was Yaksha who asked why movies are a typical date activity considering you both sit in a dark room together in a place that doesn't encourage talking (by movies, I obviously mean going to the cinema as opposed to putting on a DVD at someone's home). Let's consider why people go on dates. If you ignore the people who go on dates just because they want to get free stuff from their dates and the people who enjoy trolling others, I'd say most people go on dates because they are hoping to find someone they would consider being in a relationship with. The nature of that relationship may vary individually - some might be hoping to find "The One", while others are looking for a quick fling. Regardless of the type of relationship you are after, you tend to want to accomplish a few goals (but your priorities will vary depending on the type of relationship):

- get to know them/find out whether you can stand to be with this person for more than an hour.
- make them want to see you again
- establish a connection/history with them

This isn't just for the first few dates, this will probably continue until you consider yourselves "officially together" as you will both be re-assessing whether that is the path you want to head down with each other.

I actually think going to the movies can help with all three things.

Getting to know them
As Yaksha (even though it might not have been her, I'm just going to write as though it was and if someone else wants to take credit, they are welcome to let me know and I'll edit the post) pointed out, the fact that movies don't encourage talking makes it a little hard to get to know someone, but there are still things that you can learn from seeing a movie with someone. Do they talk during movies? This is a huge deal-breaker for some. While I am guilty of this myself (I'm one of those annoying people who has to point out stupid movie trivia that nobody other than me cares about), I don't think I'll ever understand why some people feel the need to ask questions about every single thing that is happening. Sure, if you went to the toilet and missed some important plot points, that's fine, but if something doesn't make sense right away, why not wait a few minutes because it might be explained in the next scene or two?!

The other great thing about movies is that the semi-enforced silence serves as a good comfort gauge.

Relationship Hierarchy

I'm not sure if there's already a theory that describes this, but I think that this is how most of the people that we know fit into our lives (family members can also fit into these different categories, but you'd probably never tell them if you put them in the bottom two).

Acquaintances you don't like (most of the people that you'll meet in your lifetime): These are the people you would cross the street to avoid. If you do need to talk to them, it's usually fluff/small talk.

Acquaintances: These are the people you greet if you happen to see them on the street. They know the basics of your life (in particular, the stuff related to how you two know each other). When you bump into each other, you usually make plans to see each other again but somehow you both always "forget".

Friends: These are the people who you'd probably be hanging out with on the street. They know the basics of your life, and some stuff beyond that. They probably know the names of your siblings, or at least know that you have siblings.

Close friends: These are the people who you probably see or talk to at least once a week (or in the case of socially deprived people like me, you think about seeing or talking to them). These people know intimate details about your life, and you theirs.

"Soulmates": I used the term soulmates here not to mean "The One", but the people who are on the same wavelength as you. The people who "get you".

As you go up the hierarchy, the conversations you have with those people tend to have more substance. You might describe your job to an acquaintance you don't like, but reveal to a close friend that your job actually sucks and you are looking for employment elsewhere. As you go down the hierarchy, the number of words to convey an idea increase. For instance, you say that you went to Brianna's house on the weekend. To an acquaintance you don't like, you need to explain that Brianna is your ex-wife, and that you went to pick up the kids because you have them for a week. A close friend will know that you're probably pissed off because Brianna made you wait over an hour again, and that you want to vent to a sympathetic ear - all from a few words.

Anyway, back to the original topic! The semi-enforced silence of the cinema means that communication between you two will be more non-verbal than verbal. Are they putting their arm around you or leaning on your shoulder? Do they hog all of the popcorn? Are they trying to feel you up on the first date? (After reading ABCotD, I'm really not surprised there are people out there who will do that.) Most importantly, if they are doing something you don't like, and won't stop when you ask them to, unless you are involved in some S&M thing, warning bells should be ringing loud and clear.

The opposite is also something to consider - are they shrugging off your attempts to be more intimate? If you're at an Arnie movie, it might just be because they are too absorbed in the movie, but it might also be an indication that you're moving too fast or that you want something out of the relationship that the other person doesn't. It might be something you want to address later down the track (by that, I mean after a week or so if you are still getting the same impression. NOT IN THE MOVIE THEATRE!).

Making them want to see you again
One of the good things about a movie is that if the movie is good, it can increase the other person's perception of the overall enjoyment of the date. If the movie is bad, then you can shrug it off as yet another piece of crap from the toilet bowl that is Hollywood (please don't use those words, I love you, Hollywood! Make more of these please) and you can work it into an excuse for another date, as you can apologise for how bad it was, and let them pick the movie for next time.

Establish a connection/history with them
Couples who have been together for a long time will have a long history of events together from which to draw from. e.g. "I feel like a creamy pasta, like the one we had at your sister's wedding." Not only can this increase affection from the other person ("You remembered something from my sister's wedding, therefore my sister is important to you, therefore I am important to you) but it leads to a sort of secret language between the two of you. While different people may be able to decipher certain things, only the two of you will understand everything. This links back to what I described above, where you have more substance with less words the higher you get in the hierarchy. Obviously this is something that develops over a long period of time, but I think things like movies and common interests can lead to a psuedo-code.

Back when I was still chatting with people at 3AM, I'd get messages saying, "Are you awake?" and I'd reply with, "I'm awake, I'm awake." In my head, I heard the Druid of the Claw from Warcraft 3, but I think the reference was lost on a lot of people - if not everybody. T_T I'm sure everyone has had at least one experience of quoting a movie/TV show/book and their audience completely missed the reference. It always makes me feel sad. Then you get the opposite when you say "nuke the fridge" in passing, and end up having a long discussion with someone with someone and "click". The two of you share something, and that shared thing tends to make you like each other more (unless you disagree on that topic, in which the relationship can go both ways).

Then you can drop things like "origami unicorn" and the other person will know what you are talking about (I really hope MrMan5.5 gets the reference I am making, otherwise it completely negates my point. T_T). It's the beginning of your secret language, but the development is being sped up because movies tend to have a lot of quotable lines or distinguishable plot points that can be referenced later. The added bonus is that if things don't work out, the language is transferable (hence why it's a psuedo secret language, because it's not really all that secret) - e.g. You go and see all the Harry Potter movies with Girl 1, but things don't work out, then you meet Girl 2 who also happens to like Harry Potter. This can mean the two of you immediately "click".

The last point I wanted to make was that seeing a movie can give you something to talk about together afterwards, if you are lacking conversation topics. I always thought it was weird that it was "dinner and a movie" rather than "a movie and then dinner". Though that might just be because you'd be starving by the time you had dinner if you waited, or ruin your appetite with popcorn.