According to "Men are From Mars" writer, John Grey (and personal testimony from myself and friends) Women work on a "pre-pay" system, while men work on a "post-pay" system. Have you ever felt like you do SO much for him and he just doesn't seem to give as much back? That's because he thinks your "paying him" for something he's already done! He doesn't know what he did - but it must have been good because just look at how great you're treating him!
I am not sure whether that is true or not, but I guess if you can see that applying to yourself, then maybe you should try to pay more attention to how you are treating your partner. This isn't limited to chores, I think it is good to find out what is and isn't important to your partner. That doesn't mean you ask them to give you a list of what is important, and you just promise to do those things. Firstly, who carries a list of all the things that are important to them. Secondly, that list is likely to change, as things that are important to you right now, might not be of the same importance tomorrow, or in a few month's time. Lastly, and this is the important one, if you need to be told what to do, then it means you don't care enough.
You could argue that you do care, because you are willing to do all the things on the list, but the difference is that you are doing those things because you were told to, not because you realised they needed to be done of your own volition. It seems like a strange concept, and nitpicky, but I guess it's a bit like playing HoN. You can have someone watch over your shoulder, and tell you exactly what to do, but if you really think about it, the person watching over you is really playing, and you are just an input device (and probably a bad one at that). However, if you learned how to play, learned the mechanics, item builds and strategies, then it would be you playing.
That being said, a game like HoN is a very hard game to pick up with no prior experience. I've tried to keep this as gender neutral as possible, but it's a lot like the complaint that women don't come with instruction manuals. While guys may not know how to "operate" us, I don't think it's entirely their fault if they get it wrong. Good software is intuitive, and anything that doesn't make sense right away should have a tooltip or guide on what to do with it - and that should also apply to us.
I think that MrMan5.5 and I are currently in stage 4 (comfortable), and while things aren't always perfect (we've moved into stage 5 a couple of times lately), I think we have a good thing going. We both have our own hobbies and we are no longer at that stage where we feel we have to share everything (like when you are in the honeymoon stage, and are perfectly happy to see that chick-flick, or sit around watching your partner play a game). But we still have things that we do together, and most nights before we go to sleep, we talk, and laugh, and that's the time I feel like we are reinforcing our relationship. (Though I think I'm letting the team down, because I spend a lot of nights gaming until right before I need to be in bed.)
The last time we went to stage 5, I was really angry at MrMan5.5, because I felt like he wasn't doing nearly as much as I was. I didn't want to be a nagger though, so I kept quiet about it (sound familiar?). But then I'd get so mad that I'd start becoming really cold to him. I'd eventually tell him one of the things that made me angry, but not all of them, so it wouldn't be long before the whole cycle repeated itself. And like in the video from yesterday, things that normally wouldn't bother me would start to bother me because I was already so angry.
So even though it was a men's health seminar, I think the presenter said something that applies to both genders. "Anger is for violence. When you are angry, your heart starts beating faster, to prepare your body to fight (or flee), and that is not the best time for rational thought."
I do recognize that in myself, which is why I prefer to withdraw into myself when I'm angry, because I need time to cool off, and let rational thought return. But you don't always have that luxury. The presenter suggests making both hands into fists and then taking a deep breath, and opening the fists as you say, "Stuff it!"
The next part is to realise that it takes two to tango. Whoever isn't angry might feel like they did nothing wrong, but if that were true, then why is the other person angry? It might be one of those irrational why-can't-you-read-my-mind angers, but that is a sign that there is a breakdown in communication. I got really angry that MrMan5.5 didn't put dirty dishes in the sink, and so he'd end up with a bunch on his desk. I decided that when I was washing the dishes, I wouldn't pick up his bowls and just wash everything else instead. He never took the hint, and so I got even more angry, which was the wrong thing to do. I told him to put them in the sink, and now he does.
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