Edumacation

Had an interesting lunch with TS. We ended up talking about teachers, and education in general, and he said we didn't need a federal department of education, and even went so far to say that state-level ones weren't required either. I disagreed, saying that it was important in order to maintain a minimum level of education, but he replied that it should be up to an individual to decide what they want their children to learn - who is the government to decide what is or isn't good to know? He also said that education shouldn't be mandatory.

I think that having a minimum level of education is good for society as a whole, though to be honest, that was entirely based on having played Banished, and trying to get the achievements in the screenshot above. It's pretty damn hard to have a large population of uneducated people! But in actual fact, I think it is better for society as a whole because by establishing a minimum, you have a base level of knowledge that people can grow from, with the idea being that the base will grow over time. Compare what the average person knows now with what the average person knew 200 years ago - see https://ourworldindata.org/global-rise-of-education#literacy

And a screenshot in case it's gone:

There are so many amazing new things that are being discovered or invented, and I think it's because society as a whole has come so far in terms of being educated. TS responded that it's not required that everyone is intelligent, for instance, cleaners, but I disagree on that point, too. If you think about cooking, which is probably one of those skills that gets passed from a master to their apprentices, you might think that advanced education is not required, but you have things like molecular gastronomy where people are doing incredibly things by combining food and science. In fact, food science is an entire field on its own. Sure, the average cook doesn't need to know how to read the periodic table, but just knowing certain principles from physics or chemistry can make them better at their job because they have a better understanding of why they need to use a certain pot to cook cream, lest it separate into an ugly mess.

On the topic of mandatory education, I argued that without it, you would end up with a self-perpetuating cycle of uneducated people not seeing the value of education, resulting in their children being less likely to go to school, resulting in their children to be less likely, and so on. While the educated people will continue to have educated offspring, etc. TS did agree that some base level of education is required, e.g. primary school, but not everyone belongs in school, and not everyone needs to learn mathematics beyond a primary school level. School should teach you the basic things you need to survive, and that's all. He said some people should have the freedom to go on and become painters or whatever if they have no interest in continuing schooling. I guess on that point, we both agree, but disagree on where the line is on mandatory education, as I think primary school isn't enough.

I don't really know how to rebut his point about whether the government should control the curriculum - you have to hope that they have the best interests of their people in mind, but it's hard to say. I was thinking about the "No child left behind" policy in the United States, which sounds good in principle, but results in the problem where the teachers are encouraged to teach to the level of the dumbest student. The amount of attention from the teacher depends on how bad the student is, and gifted students may be left to languish, which is bad.

Then you have the East Asian countries, where entrance exams to universities result in children who spend most of their lives studying due to pressure from their parents. In this sense, it's not the government who is forcing people to study, but a combination of societal pressure (you don't want to be the only one of your friends who didn't make it into university) and parental pressure (they don't want their children to fail to get into university, never get a job and never leave home). But this immense pressure makes it difficult for people who don't want to go on to do higher education, and also increases the suicide rate.

But if not the government, then who should control the curriculum? You could allow corporations to control it, and end up with the 11-herbs-and-space-experience. Maybe I'm just being cynical.

Run Away, Little Girl

I accidentally ran 5km today, even though today's run was only supposed to be 4.6km. I was completely lost in thought, and missed the prompt telling me that I'd passed the halfway mark (which is when I normally turn around). Once I realised that I didn't recognise anything I was running past, I thought that I should probably start heading home, as I have to go to work. Then the 1 minute remaining prompt came, and I was nowhere near the end of my run, and I wasn't even feeling tired. I decided I was going to run through the entire cooldown period, and until I reached my street.

Looking up the path on Google maps later to estimate the distance, and I realised it was 5k. I had planned to hit 5km before the end of the month, but with the video, I was pretty behind. I ran on Saturday, Sunday and Monday, before giving myself a rest on Tuesday, and the plan was to do Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, but I stayed out too late after the movie and couldn't get out of bed early enough on Wednesday.

I'm sorry for waffling on, but I've been holding it in most of the day. I wanted to tell everyone. I flew into work today, and I felt so happy all day.

It actually made me realise that this must be why parents love to talk about their kids, and vegans talk about vegan things, and crossfitters talk about cross fit. When something amazing happens to you, you feel like you want to share it with everyone! "Hey, I did this thing and now I feel incredibly, you should do it, too!" It's not malicious, it's not because they're a mind-warped zombie, it's because they want you to feel what they're feeling, too.

I've actually been coming to terms with the idea of being a parent. I'll never be the most amazing parent out there, but that's OK. As with everything, you do the best you can, and that's all you can ever ask of yourself. Pharmacist says it's all a big gamble in the end, how your kids turn out, and I feel more accepting of that now. I don't know when or if we will have kids, but I'm as ready as I'll ever be!

Penny Pincher (Radin!) Review

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt5253294/

Went to see this last night, the last movie on my list of movies to see as part of the 2017 Alliance Française French Film Festival. Not long after the movie started, I was laughing so hard. A nice refreshing change after the past couple of weeks.

The movie starts with an unborn François Gautier, his mother stressing at their unpaid bills, and his father surrounded by crap he bought from catalogues. His mother makes a desperate wish that her son doesn't end up like his father.

Cut a montage of François growing up, and being incredibly stingy, including using a sample condom from 1964 when he lost his virginity. As an adult, he is hated by his neighbours, co-workers and people who end up behind him in the grocery line, due to his penny-pinching ways. He dodges co-workers who try to collect money for a going away gift, and relies on streetlamps to provide lighting for his home. He often gets stomach cramps due to eating food that has long since expired, like tomato sauce from 2006, and his best friend seems to be his banker.  He is never shown as particularly mean-spirited, just incredibly miserly.

A girl shows up, claiming to be his daughter (well, what do you expect when you're using a condom from 1964, and a sample one at that?) and the usual comedy-turn-your-world-upside-down thing starts to happen. Not only that, but he falls for fellow orchestra musician Valérie, whose crazy allergies result in a first date that is not within his budget.

The movie has a lot of the common tropes (e.g. lie blown out of proportion - though in his defense, François never tells the lie, he just goes along with it when others do), but I do like that it also subverts a lot of tropes. François never gives up his miserly ways due to the "power of love", which is something I liked. Also, there were no obvious idiot ball moments. There was one scene where François reads a message that causes him to believe his daughter isn't who she says she is, but rather than go off in a huff, he goes to confront her and isn't just given the whole, "It's not what it looks like!" excuse, but they actually explain what happened.

For sure, this is a lowbrow comedy, but I really enjoyed it, and was laughing most of the way through. Though there were some awkward moments when I seemed to have read the subtitles faster than everyone else, and burst out laughing before the punchline had been said and was the only one laughing. I'm pretty sure the man next to me thought I was crazy, as he left almost as soon as the credits started rolling, which meant he missed the stinger.

The style of the movie is also what I like - witty dialogue, cutaway jokes, callouts to other movies, trope subversion. It was also funny to hear Vivaldi's Spring played at double speed. If I could get it in Australia, it'd probably be something I put on to cheer myself up. As far as the practicing French part went... it went pretty badly. There were some moments where I could translate some of the sentences, but I was laughing too much to focus on what they were saying.

I don't know if it's just the topic, but the movie made me really reflect on the way I've lived my life. I definitely tend towards the miserly side, though I've gotten a lot better. This past month has been interesting with the $400 a month challenge. I actually ended up exceeding $400, but not by much, and the month is almost over.

Things I did this month that I probably wouldn't otherwise have done:

• Arnold classic
• French film festival
• had lunch with so many different people
• Zero latency

I don't regret any of them, and I think my life feels richer for having done it.

As much as it is a chore writing a blog post every day, and even though my writing is getting stale, I feel like I am growing a lot as a person - which is an odd thing to say given how old I am, but I think it's true. My mum told my sister that she'll never become a great writer unless she has a great life to draw inspiration from. I feel like I write better when I'm feeling sad, but I'm not always going to be sad, and I can't rely on that to inspire me. 

The other benefit to doing more things is that I don't feel so awkward talking to people anymore. My most dreaded question at work used to be, "What are you doing this weekend?" to which I'd usually reply that I didn't have much planned, as that seemed better than telling the whole truth (just gaming). That would usually result in an awkward trip down the lift. Now, when people ask, I feel like I have something to contribute to the conversation. I still get called weird, but I don't think that's ever going to end. I actually invited D's mother to come to the French film festival with me, and he said, "What, you think I'm going to ask my mum to go on a date with some random girl from work?" I don't know where he got the date part from, but he's always calling me weird, so I've decided to just embrace it. Although to be honest, it was a bluff, as there was no way his mother was going to come with me to see a movie.

The Spanish film festival starts up soon, and I'm pretty excited about that. I also want to start my own mini-movie club (although it'll probably be just me and the blog), reviewing different movies from SBS on Demand. The plan is to do one a month, though I guess I'll see how busy I am. The first one I want to do is Be Kind, Rewind (SBS on demand link, IMDB link). It sounds like my kind of movie. Description from IMDB:

Two bumbling store clerks inadvertently erase the footage from all of the tapes in their video rental store. In order to keep the business running, they re-shoot every film in the store with their own camera, with a budget of zero dollars.

Fodder, Alone

These past few days have felt very grey. I realised why this morning, when I found a particularly funny method name in our code, and went to open a messenger window with GD, only to be reminded that he was gone. This is a bit of an extreme response to having a co-worker leave - I feel like I'm in mourning and he isn't even dead! But to be honest, I wasn't ready to go back to having lunch with the grads. I couldn't sit there, waiting for him to show up, only for him never to arrive.

Mr Brioche and D were working from home, Michael was in a meeting, had nobody else to have lunch with. I did something I haven't done in a long time, and took my book and had lunch in the park. It was pretty nice weather for it, even though the sun and I don't agree with each other, if you go by the sunburn scars on my shoulder.

I think I needed the time alone. Ever since I finished the video, I've been trying to keep myself moving. No time to stop and think. It's bad to be sad, and if I keep going, I can just power through until I get used to the fact that he's gone. I still think I can, but it's just little things that catch me off-guard. He runs, so running reminds me of him. He really likes chicken. His favourite colour is blue. OK, now I sound like a demented person, but you get the idea. I think spending lunch alone was a good time to just process things in my mind. Without the pressure of having to be "happy". I actually felt a lot lighter afterwards.

MrFodder says my writing has grown stale ever since I started the 365 photo challenge, so for something different, here is some GD inspired poetry!

We never needed words,
Just a quick exchange of code
For every troubled task
We could always share the load

Silence...

Memes and investigations,
Life with you is never dull.
The sun now rises elsewhere
'Til you return it will be null.

Today's title is inspired by an episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender, and I think it's an amazingly deep episode for a children's cartoon.

Anyway, this trip is a positive thing, and I shouldn't dwell on the past. I am glad to have had the opportunity of having a friend like him, and my life has been made brighter because of it.

Vegan Chocolate Ice Cream Attempt #1

I've been meaning to try a chocolate-based ice-cream for a while, but haven't been able to find cocoa mass. Someone at work told me about this 99% cocoa chocolate (he happens to love super dark chocolate), so I had my heart set on trying to find it, as he told me you could buy it from IGA. We finally found it last weekend, so it was time!

I modified the Serious Eats vegan vanilla ice cream recipe. I'm not a huge fan of corn syrup, as it's super hard to measure correctly, so I've been using xylitol instead. MrFodder also doesn't like coconut as much as I do, so I've been using a combination of coconut cream and soy milk. However, I screwed up and bought coconut milk instead of coconut cream.

Ingredients
400ml coconut milk
400ml soy milk
73g xylitol
147g sugar
5g pea protein
5g xanthan gum
85g chocolate, as high a cocoa % as you can

Method
Heat milks in saucepan with sugar, xylitol, protein and gum until just bubbling, whisking as you go to get all the lumps out. Once it starts bubbling, take off the heat and stir in the chocolate until evenly mixed. Pour mixture into a container, cover with plastic wrap, and put in the fridge to cool for at least 4 hours, preferably overnight.

Once cooled, use your ice-cream maker to prepare. Freeze for at least a couple of hours so that it's scoopable.

I found the mix was a lot like mousse, and I think I might have put too much xanthan gum, I think I'll halve it next time. It was incredibly creamy though. There was still a coconut flavour, but it was nice and rich from the chocolate. I only ended up putting 80g of chocolate, as MrFodder and I tried some to see how strong it was. I think you could go up to 100g as the sugar offsets the bitterness.

Edit: Sorry, got caught up in the fact that the ice-cream was actually creamy that I forgot to mention it was also super delicious. It did have a bit of a weird mousse texture, that I mentioned earlier, but the flavour was good: rich chocolate with a medium hint of coconut.

Mozart's Sister (Nannerl, La Soeur de Mozart) Reivew

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1653911/

This wasn't on my original list of movies I wanted to see, but I saw a trailer for it during one of the other movies I went to see, and I really wanted to see it.

It follows the travels of the Mozart family - the most famous being Wolfgang Mozart, child prodigy performer and composer, but the story focuses on his older sister, a talented performer in her own right, Maria Anna (nicknamed Nannerl) Mozart, who is quite close to her brother, and during the movie, they compose music together. The Mozart family travel around Europe performing for various noble people. In this fictional story, Nannerl dresses as a boy to deliver a letter on behalf of her friend Princess Louise of France, and meets the recently-widowed Dauphin (Prince of France). Her musical ability enchants him, and he commissions her to compose something for him.

Nannerl's father is against the idea of her playing the violin or composing music, as he sees those things as unsuitable for women. He calls her music a "mess of notes lumped together", though in private, he does tell his wife he thinks she has talent. Nannerl finishes her song in private, and the Dauphin is enchanted once again, inviting her to meet him for a private audience. During this second meeting, she reveals that she is actually a girl, and he asks her to get changed into her normal clothes, and spend the afternoon with him as a girl.

Nannerl's parents are not happy that she spent the night out alone instead of rehearsing for their performance, even if it was with the Dauphin. After they perform for the royal court, they set off for Vienna and Nannerl writes to the Dauphin saying she's sorry she can't say goodbye. However, during the journey, Nannerl asks her mother if she can continue to work in Paris, saying she can make a living teaching music. She feels that Wolfgang can draw in crowds without her, and that she is becoming a burden on her father.

On her return to Paris, she receives a letter from the Dauphin asking her to write another piece of music. She tries to get into music school, but is ridiculed, saying she would be better off going to the painting faculty and becoming a model instead. So she dresses as a boy once again, and attends classes. She sends her latest piece to the Dauphin, who once again asks her to meet. He surprises her by having the royal orchestra play her music, and allowing her the opportunity to play with them. He further surprises her by introducing her to his new fiancée, at which Nannerl is understandably upset. He later writes her a letter saying he doesn't love his new fiancée, and that he is only marrying her because his father says it must be so. He says that even though he loves her, he doesn't want the same reputation his father has, of sleeping with lots of women outside his marriage.

He invites Nannerl to meet again, though requests that she dresses as a boy. He has her play the harpsichord as he talks to his fiancée on the bed. He then kicks the fiancée out, and has Nannerl kiss him. Then he grows angry at her for being the devil and seducing him, and kicks her out, too.

Nannerl goes to join her family once more. The movie ends saying that she never composed another piece of music again, and ended up marrying a man who already had five children, because her father wanted her to. Her first son was given to her father, who tried to train him as another prodigy, but failed. She died poor, blind and alone, with her life's mission being to collate the works of her brother.

Wikipedia disputes the last part, saying that she was frugal, not poor, though it does say that while there have been references to her compositions in letters between her and Wolfgang, none of them have survived.

It has been a while since a movie has had such an emotional impact on me. I don't know if I'm still reeling from the blow of Grad Daniel leaving, but I walked out of the movie feeling really sad. I guess at the time, it was a normal thing for women to be told that they can't do something just because they're a woman, so watching it from the perspective of someone in today's world makes it feel a bit bizarre. But the movie quickly transports you into the 1763, and while you can see Nannerl's frustration, you begin to understand why she's so powerless. Despite this, she really does try, and you were rooting for her the entire time. I liked that unlike the typical girl dresses as a boy movies, she never set out to purposely deceive. The only reason she dressed as a boy in the first place was because she needed to deliver a letter for her friend and unknown women weren't allowed in the presence of the Dauphin.

She was quite quick to confess, rather than try to pull off the whole being in two places at one time thing - the reason she confessed was because the Dauphin invited her to see a "talented young musical prodigy and his sister with a divine singing voice", and she told him that she was the sister.

Luther told me that a lot of movies try to go for the punch-in-the-guts sad ending, as it's the cheapest and easiest way to have an emotional impact on your audience. While this movie did have that at the end, I think the part that was touching about it was seeing Nannerl grow and fall in love during the movie. It wasn't one of those "we meet and now we're desperately in love, nothing can separate us" kind of loves, you could see her being happy to see him, and seeing that he was happy to see her. Even though they barely had any screentime together, you could see her pining for him through her music, while also seeing her want to break free of the confines of being a girl.

I really enjoyed the movie. The music was lovely, and I don't really care about costumes or scenery, but it was also nice, with some of it actually being filmed in the Palace of Versailles. Even though it sort of made Wolfgang out to be the bad guy, in the sense that Nannerl was always in his shadow, it really didn't feel like that. You could tell that she loved him, and while she was frustrated, she ultimately knew that it wasn't his fault that things were the way that they were.

In terms of watching this to practice French, I understood a surprising amount of this movie. Not nearly enough to watch without the subtitles, but there were a lot of words and sentences that I recognised. It was a little hard, because the characters spoke so quickly - or at least they spoke at what I assume is a normal speed, but I could process the words after the fact, which meant I was always a little behind, and when I got too far behind, I just went back to reading the subtitles only.

Zero Latency Review - Zombie Outbreak

A friend is down in Melbourne and wanted to try out Zero Latency. It's a VR game in a warehouse, and the mode we played, Zombie Outbreak, involved trying to get to a dropship to escape from roaming zombies.

Everyone wears a backpack, and you also get a gun, which is quite large and heavy. The warehouse itself isn't that big, but while playing the game, it didn't feel too constrained. I had to wear contacts while playing, and it's probably good that I did, as I pretty much had the lens right up against my eye while calibrating. Since the space is so small, you're not allowed to run or jump. The game also starts beeping when you get too close to another player, which was a bit annoying in certain parts of the game. If you're standing at the back, you can't move forward until the other players move out of your way, but they're busy shooting zombies, so they aren't moving either. We co-ordinated a bit more in the later levels, so it wasn't as much of an issue.

The game is set up so that you end up walking back and forth along the warehouse. Each "level" is set up so that you are walking towards some waypoints. Once the team reaches a waypoint, the game will go blank briefly while the next level loads. The loading times weren't that long, and most of the time, it allowed for some brief comic relief and discussion about what we'd just done.

Interestingly, in some parts of the game, the group splits up, and so even though you're all still in the same space, it really does feel like you're in different area to the other group. There's also a section where two players can move up to higher ground and snipe zombies from there, and even though they were still on the same floor as you, I think my mind tricked itself into thinking their voices were coming from up higher.

The game itself wasn't too difficult. Your gun has two modes: assault rifle and shotgun. In assault rifle mode, you get a grenade every 30 seconds. So even if you're not great at aiming, you can still do some damage with the shotgun and grenades. I didn't really use the shotgun mode very much, but I also ended up standing at the back most of the time. MrFodder said he preferred the shotgun, but he was also one of the frontrunners.

He also screamed the most. It is actually really jarring to turn around and see a zombie in your face. You can't feel them clawing you, but I definitely felt panicked. I'm proud to say that I didn't wet my pants once during the entire event. It's really not that scary, not like Left 4 Dead-style zombies jumping out at you scary. Most of the levels are well-lit, and you can see them coming towards you.

During the game, I felt completely immersed. In fact, one of the players tried leaning against a rail in order to steady his arm while firing at zombies and ended up falling over because the rail wasn't actually there! If you start getting too close to a wall, the game will start flashing, and a HUD appears showing your position in relation to the wall. If you get to the point where you're going to collide, the game pauses for everyone until you move away again. We only had a few moments of pausing (one caused by me, oops!), and I don't think any of us crashed into a wall or anyone else, or ended up swinging our gun into someone else's body.

The guns don't have recoil, but they are still decently heavy. My arms were starting to get tired by the time we made it to the end of the game, but that might have been because I was an idiot and was holding my gun up for most of the game, instead of letting my arms rest while the next level was loading. Since there's no running allowed, cardio fitness isn't that important, but I think you should be comfortable crouching while holding a gun, as there are sections of the game where you need to use cover in order to avoid getting hit. For that reason, I'm glad I didn't wear jeans. Be prepared to sweat, as the packs are heavy! They clean the packs between games, so they don't have that icky sweaty feeling like you can get at some laser tag places, but I guess the venue is also fairly new (seems like they opened mid-2015), so that might be another reason.

I didn't feel sick once during the game, and I felt sick playing games like Half-Life and The Stanley Parable. I felt like the focus on the lens wasn't the best, I could definitely see, especially the things that were close, but it did make shooting at the raiders a little tough at some points, as I was squinting at something in the distance, and it was only after shooting it and seeing blood spurt out that I realised I had hit something. But 95% of the time, I didn't really have any issues.

Oh, I should have put this in the feedback form, but I forgot. I guess it would have been nice to have different classes. I don't think a medic is really necessary, as dying isn't that bad. If you die, your avatar drops to the ground, and you turn into a white ghost (Intern Daniel is right, I really am a gweilo) for 10 seconds, during which you can't shoot, but you can still move. You lose 1000 points form your score for every death, but other than that, it's not a big deal.

I just thought it'd be nice to have different classes to suit the different playstyles. I feel like Sphericus and I preferred to stand back and shoot. Both Rekisu and Rich said they liked going in front - Rich ended up picking up the flamethrower. 0/ and \0 seemed to like running around and dying... Nah, I think they were the ones who did most of the objectives.

I really enjoyed the experience. At $88 per person, for ~45 minutes, it does feel a bit pricey, but it was great fun. We were a group of 6, but we were told that you can just book yourself in for a session and let other randoms book as well, so it's something you can still do if you don't have 5 other friends who want to play. I think it'd be more enjoyable with people you know, as there was a lot of silly banter coming through the headset.

They have other modes available, including a survival style mode, which includes building up a barricade to survive against a horde, and another one set in space. As they're both shorter, they are bundled together in a single session.

Planetarium Review + Goodbye, Pikachu, Goodbye

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4680196/

Even though it was the second movie I watched at the French Film Festival, I haven't gotten around to writing a review because I don't have all that much to say about it. I must not have understood it very well, and fell asleep during a part of it, but it was very lacklustre. I didn't really care about any of the characters, and the part that interested me the most, the supernatural part, felt a bit downplayed. But it has been a week since I saw it, so I should write something now. And that's all I wanted to write.

---------------------------

Today was the movie screening, which meant it was also Grad Daniel's last day in the office. I'm still super sleep deprived, so please excuse me if this post is not coherent. We usually buy farewell cards which everyone writes in, but since I'm not on the team anymore, I didn't have the chance to write in the card. So I sent him an email instead:

Thank you for being a fellow newbie alongside me. Even though we never actually got to work together on the same project, it felt like we were able to work together, since we shared all the highs and lows of our coding journey with each other. And the moths. So many moths. I will never forget them.

I loved that we have so many in-jokes, "Larry", "M", "Sylvanna", "Boris", "Natasha". I loved how all it usually takes is a single line, and we will both start laughing uncontrollably. I loved that I wasn’t the only socially awkward penguin, and your extreme responses to everyday situations never fails to astonish me.

I have always admired your ability to persevere through everything. You might grumble about it the entire time, but at the end of the day, you will somehow find a way to get it done. This has probably led to a lot of abominations in the code base, because it's the only way to get it to work, but hey, that's the life of a programmer.

I am going to miss coming in in the mornings and seeing a message from you telling me about the latest abomination you've found. I will also miss being able to grow alongside you as a developer, though I don't doubt that the next time we meet, you will be more powerful than I can possibly imagine. Or you'll be a famous Japanese movie actor and I won't be able to get past the screaming fangirls to say hi.

Either way, I don’t feel that I need to write “all the best” or “good luck”, because I don’t think you need it. You can handle anything. So instead, I will say, “Have fun.”

I think working on the movie has distracted me so much that even though I knew it was his farewell movie, I never really processed the fact that he was actually leaving. The thought hit me while the movie was screening, and I felt tears welling up. It's weird, we talk to each other every day at work, and when either of us is on leave, I don't miss him. I just realised that I won't have that anymore.

When I find a particularly funny snippet of code, my first instinct is to open a chat window and paste it to him. We studied for the Java exam together, and so we're fairly similar in terms of programming skill. We laugh at all the odd code we find in various repositories around the company.

I mentioned the in-jokes, but as I was travelling home today, I started thinking about them all and it's a crazy amount. Despite the fact that we are both incredibly socially awkward, we never have any trouble talking to each other. It's actually quite refreshing talking to him, because he's really straightforward, and I never have to try and read between the lines. What he says is what he means. I think that has caused me to return that straighforwardness, and so I find that I allow myself to be vulnerable around him. He knows all the bad things about me, he has gazed into the Crazy Anna abyss, and decided he is willing to be friends with me despite it.

I feel like it's really rare to meet someone who accepts you for who you are. It's even rarer for someone to accept who you are after you've shown them.

I forgot who told me about the whole "Work Wife" and "Work Husband" thing, but I think Daniel would have been pretty close to being mine - at least from my point of view.

I can't even think about how to express how much I'm going to miss him. It's only now that he's gone that I'm starting to realise how much he improved life in the office.

How does this relate to today's picture? When I left, one of the bosses bought me a bouquet of flowers. I mentioned it to Daniel, and he said he wanted one, too. But not from me, as I had already bought him Valentine's day chocolates. I did not, I bought him some Ganbakky (Ganbatte Pocky). I even wrote on the back that they weren't!

Anyway, I know he likes dark chocolate and Koko Black, so I bought him some dark chocolate Easter eggs and teddy bears and the store clerk kinda wrapped it into a bouquet shape. That was my best solution for buying him flowers without buying him flowers - as I had no faith in his boss buying him flowers.

I feel so bad that the movie didn't turn out as well as I'd have liked, but he seemed to enjoy it, and people were laughing, so that's good.

Mean Girl

Another 11th hour post.

I did a draft screening at work today, with some of the people who are in the movie, but who aren't on the team, so aren't invited to the farewell speech. I felt so ashamed while watching it. I don't know if it's because I've been working on it for so long, and I'm the only person who knows what it could have been, but the movie felt so forced and boring to me.

The idea was to parody Mean Girls, except have it set in the office instead of a high school. You'd be surprised how much drama there is in the office despite the fact that there are fully grown adults working there. It was a bit difficult coming up with things the characters could say while also having it be appropriate for work. Also, the actors were people who had full-time jobs, so I had to schedule filming between their meetings and mine. It was tough trying to get everyone together. The most important part, was that Grad Daniel wasn't allowed to know what was going on, so despite the fact that he's in the movie, he never interacts with any of the other actors.

The basic storyline is this:

Grad Daniel (Cady Heron) moves here from Japan. He is pulled into a project, where he suggests an improvement. The idea is stolen by the head developer (Regina George) and pitched as his own. This makes Daniel angry, so he works to break the head developer's lieutenant (Gretchen Weiners) and find out the head developer's secret. He does, and outs him, becoming the head developer in his place. However, the project falls apart, and he moves back to Japan.

The story doesn't completely hold together, as I couldn't fit it all in a short time, but I'm glad I managed to fit the following shout-outs in:

• Cady's "I know what you're thinking (about homeschooled children)", in this case, about "Japanese people"
• You go, Glen CoCo
• And none for Gretchen Weiners
• She doesn't even go here
• That's so fetch (that's git fetch - see above)
• being hit by a bus
• a "burn book"
• can't even wear hoop earrings (can't even use while loops)
• "We should totally just stab Caesar!" (we should totally just stab [Steve] Jobs!)
• We have a new kid from Africa (assumes it's the black girl)
• "If you're from Africa, why are you white?"
• On Wednesdays, we wear pink
• The overview of the cafeteria and the cliques
• Here's the thing about Janis Ian
• How do I begin to describe Regina George?
• three-way call attack (teleconference attack)
• I know how this would be settled in the animal world, but in girl world, all the fighting has to be sneaky
• The Plastics 

Maybe the movie was so bad because I was trying to force it to be another movie. I don't know. I think I made it slightly more interesting with a bit more music, and a couple of scenes I put together in RPG Maker MV (because I ran out of time to actually film people).

A few scenes had to be left out completely, as I wouldn't have time to put them together.

Overall, I'm pretty sad about this movie. I think part of the problem was that I just wasn't feeling it. I couldn't get the creative spark I needed, no matter how much I tried to force it. I actually came to resent the movie at one point, which is never a good thing. But Grad Daniel is really important to me, so I think it was worth it, even though I'm up at midnight putting together the blooper reel. I hope he enjoys it tomorrow. To be honest, I'm not entirely ready for him to leave, but I've had the better part of half a year to prepare, so I don't think I was ever going to be ready.

Oh, and pro tip: filming something in a hallway is a stupidly bad idea. Not only do you piss off all of your co-workers with the noise, but your audio ends up with a lot of echo. NEVER AGAIN.

I'm also really good at writing mean things about people. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

These Shoes Were Not Made For Walking

Was so wrapped up in editing, but thankfully, Pharmacist reminded me at the 11th hour, so I have 7 minutes to write this post.

I bought these shoes last year, as the ones before that had also suffered the same fate. I really have a bad experience with shoes. For some reason, they always end up with a giant hole in the sole, and I've never worked out why. The only thing I can think of is that they're really not made for walking. Or at least not the amount of walking that I like to do.

So even though it's super unfashionable, I've become one of those people, who wears runners on the way to work, and changes to different shoes in the office. I get in before Special K, so she doesn't see me in my other shoes.

Finding a new pair of shoes has been a bit of an adventure. I originally tried to buy a pair before we left for Japan, but couldn't find anything in my size. Had the same problem in Japan. Tried again after I got back, as I was meeting MrFodder's co-workers for dinner, and didn't want them to see my shoes with giant holes in them (even the lady at the shop made fun of me (though in a nice way)). But again, ran into size problems. I must have giant alien feet.

Luckily, someone at the shoe shop helped me find a pair of shoes, and even though they didn't have my size, she offered to go and pick up a pair from one of the other stores for me, which was super nice of her.

So now I have a pair of shoes that I can walk around with without having to grip on to them with my toes!

.......... Can you tell I've barely had any sleep in the past few days?

Polina (Polina, Danser Sa Vie) Review

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4383288/

Polina is a movie about a Russian ballet dancer who moves to France to dance.

The movie begins in Russia, with young Polina auditioning to join a ballet school. She isn't the best dancer there, but we find out that she is accepted. Her father congratulates her and says he looks forward to seeing her as a prima ballerina someday. Young Polina shakes her head, and her father looks at her confused, to which her mother explains that it's too expensive.

Nevertheless, we see her attending dance classes, though she does seem a little off. Her instructor, Bojinski, asks her where she thinks dance moves come from, and she answers, "From inside herself." We see this explained as we watch her walk home, and she begins dancing on the street, seemingly to music that we cannot hear. Her instructor says that she would be better if she made it to all of her classes, but she says she cannot, because she has to help her mother at work. Bojinski says that dancing is her work.

We skip forward to an older Polina, who is now training to audition for the prestigious Bolshoi ballet academy. Bojinski explains that a ballet dancer should look like their movements take very little effort, and that they are light as air. Her peers are also training, and we find out that they have gone with a different choreographer, but Polina has decided to stick with Polinski, despite the fact that he is criticised for being very "old school". She asks him about this, and he says that he used to make more provocative dances, but that's not how the higher ups want Russia to be seen as, and ballet is one of the things Russia is most famous for.

Polina's life seems quite good, until two men break into their family home, and demand payment from her father. He doesn't have the money now, so they get him to agree to do the "Afghanistan run" instead.

During a training session, Polina sneaks into the costume room, and is greeted by Adrien, a French dancer who is training in Russia. The begin to get naked together.

Polina passes the entrance exam for the Bolshoi academy, and her parents are overjoyed. She ends up watching a modern dance performance with some of the other dancers, and is captivated by the dancing style. She finds out they're based in France, and that Adrien will be returning to France. She decides to audition, which upsets her mother, as this would clash with her joining the Bolshoi Academy later in the year. She says to trust her, and travels to France with Adrien.

Once there, they audition and are hired on probation and given starring roles. It seems like a sweet teenage romance at first, but it quickly turns sour once their have difficulties dancing together. This style of dancing is different to ballet, with an emphasis on "heaviness". Polina injures herself, and another dancer is asked to step in once she recovers. Adrien and the sub get along much better which causes Polina to become jealous. She asks for her role back, saying she has recovered, but the instructor tells her that the new dancer dances much better with Adrien.

Polina leaves, and moves to Antwerp, where she tries to find work as a dancer, even falsely presenting herself as a Bolshoi graduate, but to no avail. She runs out of money, and eventually finds work in a bar, and a roommate in an improv dance instructor.

---------------------------

This is probably me reading too much into it, and channelling my inner arts student, but I think the underlying theme through the movie was love, which was expressed through Polina's dancing.

At the start of the movie, we discover that she has been dancing since she was 4. Despite knowing that the journey to become a prima ballerina is way out of their budget, her parents somehow make it work, and Polina manages to get into the Bolshoi Academy. We never find out exactly what Polina's parents do, but it is implied that it is not entirely on the side of the law (in one scene, we see someone paying Polina's father quite a large sum of money in cash for some rugs he dumps in the back of his car, and there was the scene where two armed men break into their house and her father agrees to do the Afghanistan run - which is never explained).

This represents familial love - the kind of love that you are born into, where people help each other out just because they are family. Polina is not able to dance full-time, as she must help her mother out at work, and both of her parents are doing some questionable things to help Polina achieve her dream. At this stage of her dancing, though she enjoys dancing her own style, she goes with the traditional ballet style, simply because she doesn't know any better, and respects the authority in Bojinski, similar to how she does what her parents want her to do, as she respects their authority. Though Bojinski does force her to dance in the classical ballet style, he does so because he thinks that is in her best interests.

At the next stage, we see her break free and join Adrien in France (as she tells her mother, she is "sick of dancing other people's routines"). As far as we can tell, Adrien is her first love - the first person she has chosen to love, as opposed to the familial love that you are born into. We see in their first audition together that they are both amazing dancers, and their performance is stunning. This mirrors the early stage of their relationship, where they are care-free, still in the "love will conquer all" mindset - so much so that Polina chooses to leave Russia for him. They make it into the modern dance studio, and this is when the first cracks start to show.

While practising a new routine, there is a move where Adrien headbutts Polina and she is supposed to fly backwards through the air and land on her feet. Both times, Polina stumbles. As she picks herself up the second time, she yells at Adrien, "You're making me dance like shit." He responds, "I can't do this if you're not facing me the right way." The instructor steps in and says, "Polina, you need to face him straight, and Adrien, you need to push her higher into the air." Polina scoffs, as if to say, "See? I told you it was your fault." In the change room, Adrien notices Polina has injured her toe, and expresses concern. Polina brushes him off, saying it's nothing. On their day off, Adrien wants to spend the day together, but Polina insists on practising in the studio until she can get it right, chiding Adrien for not doing it, too. At the next rehearsal, there is a move where Polina must jump onto Adrien's extended leg, and he swings her across. We can see her hesitate before beginning, and even the instructor asks if she's OK, but she says she's fine and goes for the jump. She ends up falling off Adrien's leg and injuring her ankle.

Polina doesn't seem to realise that the relationship isn't all about what she wants. From the way she blames Adrien for failing, the way she brushes off his concern, and the way she looks down on him for not practising as much as her. In the past, the people around her have changed in order to help her accomplish her dream, but Adrien has his own dreams, and his own road to achieve them. When she ends up being benched to recover, and sees Adrien dancing really well with his new partner, she becomes angry. In her defense, this kind of love is new to her, just like this kind of dancing is new to her. Where ballet was light and appeared effortless, modern dancing is meant to be heavy and realistic.

I'm a uncertain as to whether Polina left Adrien, or if he kicked her out. I was under the impression that she left, but Lucy thought he kicked her out. Either way, she realises that he isn't for her and struggles alone for a while.

The next relationship she has is with Karl, the improv dance instructor. They fall in love over one night spent drunkenly dancing together on a pier. This is the first time we see Polina dancing without a set routine. The two of them are tasked to choreograph a dance for a festival, and we see the process in which the dance comes together, with Polina dancing and Karl adjusting, or Karl dancing and Polina adjusting. The whole dance is a collaboration. At this point, we can see that Polina has learned that love is a collaboration.

OK, I'll admit that the last bit is a bit of a stretch, as the movie ends there, and while we see Polina happy with Karl, you can't really judge the success of a relationship by the honeymoon stage. But those are my thoughts on the movie!

As for the movie itself, it was great to watch. It wasn't entirely about ballet, more about Polina's journey, with some dancing in it, but I enjoyed it.

WHY AM I PROCRASTINATING?!

Random Thoughts on Movies

My latest movie has pretty much consumed all of my thinking time of late, so as you can imagine, I've spent a lot of time thinking about movies.

So my history with French movies is pretty much this:

My parents must have left the TV on SBS, and I walked past and looked at what was on. There were two people having sex, and the guy said, "French people are only good for three things: food, wine and sex". I think he also had AIDS. That was about all I saw of the movie, because as a kid, watching "nudie" movies was forbidden. Still, my literal mind took those words to heart, and so when I finally met a French person, I asked him if it was true. He looked at me strangely. Then he told me he is from Canada, but he said French movies tend to have lots of nudity in them.

A few years later, Pharmacist told me that I'm a lot like the main character in Amélie, and I was scared at first, because the name made me think it was a porno, so I didn't watch it or look it up for ages. I finally did, and now it's one of my favourite movies.

As you can imagine, I really didn't know what to expect when I got myself to see some movies at the French film festival.

After the bizarre experience that was Slack Bay, I asked Michael whether you would use "mon Billie" to describe your son, or not. He said French people wouldn't normally use that phrase to describe a loved one, i.e. neither mon nor ma . He then said that French comedies are different in the sense that sometimes they just don't make sense.

I've now seen three movies at the film festival, and none of them were what they said on the tin, and all of them ended quite abruptly. Michael agreed that that was just a feature of French cinema - the movie is left open-ended, so you are free to come to your own conclusions about what happens next. They rarely follow the pattern of hero appears, heroes go to battle against the big guys, hero gets the girl, everyone lives happily ever after.

I can see it being a different kind of enjoyment. These are not movies that you'd have playing in the background while doing daily quests in World of Warcraft. To reference another Every Frame A Painting video about Marvel music, these movies aren't formulaic or safe (or at least I haven't seen enough of them to figure out the formula yet). In the video, the narrator talks about how there are iconic movie sound tracks (Star Wars, James Bond, Harry Potter) but most people can't think of a single Marvel movie theme song off the top of their head. He proposes that the reason is because many of the songs are "safe" choices. I know it sounds hipster, but I feel that way about a lot of movies and TV shows, which is there are a lot that I watch in the background while doing other things, and I've never felt lost during the movie.

That being said, I think there's there's good qualities about both types of movies, and it probably depends on what mood you are in when you go to watch them.

Michael also added that the types of movies that you'd see at a film festival are probably more of the "artsy" type movies, and less-so the blockbuster-style movies. I don't think that was the case at the Japanese film festival, but maybe Japan's idea of "artsy" is different. Anyway, I have discovered that I can watch a heap of movies for free through SBS on demand, so I'm going to try and broaden my  horizons a bit more. I love that you can filter by language, so I can also see what other cinematic techniques are used in different parts of the world.

Meanwhile, my own movie is progressing slowly, as I think forcing myself to do this has drained all passion out of the project, and I'm really starting to worry that it's going to be a flop. There's just so much hype built up after my last three movies, and it's really hard to keep meeting expectations.

Run, Fat Girl, Run - Progress Check #1

One, two, one, two, one, two...

Stand up straight, no velociraptor running! Don't tense your hands into fists!

Breathe in, out, in, out, in, out.... Expand your lungs.

I can show you the world. Shining, shimmering, splendid. Tell me, princess, now when did you last let your heart decide?

You are halfway there.

I wonder if I can the "cool mom" scene. Need to find someone in the office who has had a boob job. But that's a really inappropriate question to ask.

Urgh, I'm getting tired. Shouldn't have gone to bed so late last night. Just keep running. One, two, one, two. In, out, in, out.

I wonder if French movies don't need as much exposition because they don't treat their audiences like idiots, which in turn means that the general French movie-going population knows that they need to actually think while watching the movie, which means that they've conditioned themselves to read between the lines.

Eyes on the prize, once you get home, it means you can eat breakfast!

One minute remaining. Oh, wow, that was sooner than I thought. 

Just finished Week 6 of the couch to 10k app. I was going to post after week 5, as that featured a huge milestone, but had other things to write about, so postponed it to this week. So here's the run progression so far:

Week 1 - Alternate jog 60 seconds, walk 90 seconds x 8
Week 2 - Alternate jog 90 seconds, walk 2 minutes x 6
Week 3 - Jog 90 seconds walk 90 seconds, jog 3m, walk 3m x 2
Week 4 - Jog 3 minutes , walk 90 seconds, jog 5 minutes , walk 2.5 minutes , jog 3minutes , walk 90s
Week 5.1 - Jog 5 minutes, walk 3 minutes, jog 5 minutes, walk 3 minutes, jog 5 minutes
Week 5.2 - Jog 8 minutes, walk 5 minutes, jog 8 minutes
Week 5.3 - Jog 20 minutes
Week 6.1 - Jog 5 minutes, walk 3 minutes, jog 8 minutes, walk 3 minutes, jog 5 minutes
Week 6.2 - Jog 10 minutes, walk 3 minutes, jog 10 minutes
Week 6.3 - Jog 22 minutes

Each session has a 5 minute warm-up, and 5 minute cool-down phase.

So you can see why week 5 was a big milestone - the first continuous running block! I was pretty hesitant when I first saw it, and was dreading that run in the week leading up to it. I told A, and he said to take it easy. My goal should be to build up endurance first, and work on speed later, so even if it means I'm only jogging at half-pace the entire time, it doesn't matter. He also said that when he runs, all he thinks about is his breathing, and his feet hitting the ground, so I've been trying to focus on that.

It was incredibly windy that day (last Sunday), and there seemed to be some sort of party going on near where I was running, so there was a lot of loud music playing. I could barely hear my own music, and ended up missing all of the prompts. It wasn't until I well past the point where I'd usually get the cool-down prompt that I thought to check my phone, and I saw that I was already 2.5 minutes into my cool-down. Which meant I had been running for 22.5 minutes continuously.

So when I got to today's run, I wasn't that worried, since I knew I could do it. I managed 4.2km, so if that's 22 minutes of jogging, and 10 minutes of warm-up / cool-down:

22x + 10y = 4.2

assuming my jogging pace is about 1.3 times my walking pace:

x = 1.3y

28.6y + 10y = 4.2

y = 0.11

So my total running distance was:

3.11km

A bit slow, given I was supposed to have run 2 miles today, which is 3.22km, but I'm pretty happy with today's run.

I've caught the running bug, and I actually look forward to my runs now. Maybe it's just because I'm making progress towards something, and that feels good, but even if that's the case, I think it's a good thing. There's just something rewarding about having the self-discipline to wake up early in the morning and exercise.

I know I sound like I'm bragging, or I sound like one of those crazy cross-fit people, and for that, I apologise, but that isn't my intention at all. I just feel happy that I've managed to stick with this for so long, even though it's getting harder and harder. I just really enjoy the peace of mind that comes with running. I find that my mind is always processing a hundred things at once (but that's probably a blog post on its own), but when I run, I manage to achieve this single-minded focus, and I can actually think about one thing long enough to process it.

According to the app, I have another 8 weeks to go until I hit 10k, but in two weeks' time, I should have hit 5k, or 30 minutes of continuous running (though at this pace, that'll only get me to 4.29km). Will check back in then!

Arnold Classic 2017

Today was finally the day - the day that I was going to see Arnie in the flesh. As part of my aim to try and spend $400 a month, I decided to go to the Arnold Classic, which said you'd have the chance to meet him, especially as he'd be visiting the kids' section. I tried to borrow some kids from the people at work, but didn't get any. :(

There were a few sections for working out. I'm not sure what you needed to do to get inside, but I didn't look all that hard. A bunch of people were lining up for something, so I asked what it was for. They said it was to meet _____, and I didn't hear what it was over the noise, so I got in line. Ended up waiting in line to see Steve Cook. I have no idea who he is, but everyone was saying he was really into fitness and super nice, so I stayed in line. I worked on storyboarding for my movie, but once I was done with that, and he still hadn't arrived, I thought about staying since I had already stayed for so long, but I could hear Uni Paul's voice in the back of my head saying. "SUNK COST FALLACY". I did manage to snap a pic of him eating a doughnut though. Lots of people seemed to be into desserts, but I guess they can afford the calories.

However, while I was waiting in line, a large group of people in high-vis suddenly appeared telling everyone to step back. Then another group of people dressed in black shirts that said "Arnold Protection Crew" were holding hands and created a human wall. Then following closely after them (as they were running), were lots of people with their cameras out. I couldn't see over the huge wall of people, but other people around were saying that it was Arnie. So the closest I got to meeting him was being 5 metres away from him. It seemed like he was walking out of the venue, so I didn't bother joining the crazy crowd chasing him.

I eventually gave up waiting to see Steve and went to try out the velodrome speed challenge.

Despite not knowing how to ride a bike, I managed to get my name on the scoreboard! It was actually pretty tough, riding 750m, but I think all the running has really helped with that. Even though I was starting to feel my strength flagging, and my heart was beating so fast, I just kept pushing myself to go another 100m. I nearly fell over when I got off the bike, and felt pretty dizzy for a bit, but I made it!

Sure, I was 5th in the top 5, and at the time, only 5 females had taken part... but I won a protein shaker!

Walked around, looked at some of the people working out. Was pretty crowded, so it was hard to see some of the stuff unless you had been waiting there for a while.

Had a nice and nutritious lunch of... cinnamon and vanilla pretzel!

After that, I headed towards the chess section. Yep, you read that right, there was a section dedicated to chess. It is a sport,after all. As you might have imagined, it was off in a corner, and fairly empty compared to the other sections.

Still, I challenged someone to a game while I finished my pretzel. Neither of us had played in a while, so we were both a bit rusty. I was actually 4 points (bishop + pawn) behind him at one point (though not when this pic was taken).

I had given a bishop away for free, and then a pawn not long after that. I caught myself kicking myself for playing so badly, and I mentally took a step back, told myself I could analyse my mistakes later, and that I had to keep my head in the present. I think it's something I've picked up from playing Dota, as the game is so fast-paced, you don't have much time to dwell on mistakes.

I managed to make a comeback, as I had a pretty aggressive position for most of the game, and I think he ended up being thrown by the fact that I was really cheerful the entire match.

There was also a section for speedcubing (solving Rubik's cubes quickly).

Both the golf and fencing sections were pretty empty, so I gave both of them a shot, and I think I'm going to try them again.

I was pretty good at Wii Sports Golf, but that might be because I was the only person in my family who wanted to play that game. I wasn't any good at it in real life (and the trial used tennis balls instead of golf balls), but it felt good getting it into the hole. Maybe mini-golf is more my style.

Fencing was super fun. Since I was by myself, I pretty much got a private lesson from one of the instructors. We went through basic movement, attacking and parrying. Then we ended up sparring each other, and even though it was probably only a couple of minutes long, I was exhausted! So much harder than fencing with rolling pins. She said that fencing is like physical chess, as even though it seems like it's a mainly physical sport, it actually involves quite a lot of strategy.

At Intern Danie's request, I tried to get a heap of samples for him. For some reason, some of the queues required you to line up in pairs, and I met a fitness student called Tyler who lined up with me. He told me that last year, Arnie wasn't able to make it, as his flight was cancelled, but the year before that, he managed to get a selfie with Arnie, and he said that Arnie walked around a lot more. I didn't see that giant crowd again for the rest of the time I was there, so I assume he was outside, or he had left, but I did spend a lot of time lining up for things, so maybe I just missed him.

There was a section with some chiropractors, and I think I should start seeing one, as well as a physio, because I don't know if it's just me getting old, or if I'm running badly, but I'm starting to feel really tense. So I gave them my contact details, and will sort out an appointment.

Here's all the loot I got:

I enjoyed the show, but more from the perspective of finding new things to try, not so much the nutrition part. I do wish there had been a section on running, but maybe they have their own show, as the running community seems huge. Or, you know, they have marathons and stuff.

I was tempted to buy the "I'll be back" tank top, but I'm not sure if I will go back next year, and I don't really wear tank tops. I saw a guy with a T-shirt that had Arnie's face on it, and it said, "Come with me if you want to get buff." I couldn't find that T-shirt anywhere. :( They also sold Arnie posters, but I probably wouldn't put them on the walls.

I guess I could wear it while running.

It seems like the Merrywell was taking advantage of the show:

Slack Bay (Ma Loute) Review

IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4726636/

If I had to summarise this movie in 25 words or less, I'd only need 3: "What just happened?" I'd like to preface this review by saying that I'm normally pretty good at following what goes on during a movie. If I'm watching with another person, I might say something like, "Why did she just do that?!" in exasperation, but I can keep track of the plot and the characters pretty easily. Despite that, I spent nearly the entire movie thinking to myself, "What just happened?"

The reason why I thought it would be like Hot Fuzz is because it is described as being set in a small beachside town where tourists mysteriously disappear. Incompetent police officers begin to investigate. That's about where the similarity ends.

So the audience finds out why the people are disappearing probably 15 minutes into the movie, which is probably the first big "What just happened?" moment. The rest of the movie is spent watching the investigators bumble towards the truth, and watching the various characters and their little side plots. There is twist after twist, and the movie seems like it's just going to create one mystery after another, until about halfway through, you get a nice little breather for a touching romantic sub-plot. But not long after you've caught your breath, you are hit with another "What just happened?" moment.

I would like to add that maybe some of the humour was lost on me because of the cultural difference. There was a group of people that seemed to laugh at parts of the movie that nobody else laughed at, but it might also have been because they were drunk, so it's hard to tell. Also, some of the humour leaned towards the slapstick side, which isn't really my preferred style of humour, though some of it I did find funny.

The pacing was actually really good. I saw some people leaving during the movie, and I can kinda understand why, as it does not stop to explain anything, so you just need to leave your questions behind and go along for the ride. I enjoyed it, as it felt really engaging having so many mysteries, as it kept me interested in the movie, but there were short comedic breaks between each punch, which is why I thought the pacing is good.

I don't know any of the actors, so I don't know if they're famous or anything, but I thought the casting was pretty good. The town locals had a very hillbilly look about them, and were quite distinct from the posh tourists.

I enjoyed the movie, even though I left it feeling a bit like this:

And judging by the comments of the people around me, I wasn't the only one. Actually, after I left the cinema, I burst out laughing, but it was a pretty evil, Joker-esque kind of laugh. I couldn't stop myself. I was doubled over on the footpath laughing. I don't even know why.

If you are looking for a deep mystery-thriller / comedy movie, this is not for you. If you are the kind of person who doesn't like things that don't make sense, or plot threads that are left hanging, this movie is definitely not for you. If you are looking for a light, feel-good comedy, this movie is not for you. If you'd like to see a movie that is difficult to place in a box, that defies a lot of the typical tropes, has an off-beat sense of humour, a little bit of gore / nudity, and 122 minutes of minutes of crazy, I'd recommend this film. Would I watch it again, maybe to see if a second viewing helped answer questions (I doubt it), but I definitely wouldn't watch it a third time. Do I regret watching it? Not at all.

Oh, I should add that from a practicing French perspective, it's probably not the best. There's a lot of "bogan" / hillbilly talk, and quite a lot of the characters have mumbled / slurred speech, where even other characters aren't able to understand them.

With reference to film techniques, one of the other points I picked up from Every Frame a Painting is that sometimes emotion is better conveyed through facial expressions rather than speech. I think the romance sub-plot had very few actual lines exchanged between the characters, and a lot of it was done through glances, but you still got the impression that they were falling for each other. Other little things, like the posh characters not wanting to interact with the "lowly" characters was conveyed pretty well through small gestures, like waving at someone to avoid having to shake their hand, or pointed glances to say, "How dare you try and serve me food from my right side?!"

This movie does very little hand-holding, which actually made it seem shorter than it actually was. I didn't expect the credits rolling at all - though to be fair, that's also because my mind was still trying to process what had just happened in the last 2 hours.

Will start the spoiler-filled review under this line...
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Turn back now if you don't want to be spoiled.























Last chance.

































There were so many unresolved plot points.

Thread #1: The first big punch is the fact that the tourists are disappearing because they are being killed and eaten by the Brufort family (Ma Loute's family). This is never resolved. They don't seem to get caught, and Ma Loute seems to have some weird cannibalistic urge, as a couple of times in the movie, he seemed to growl: the first time he did it, he ran off, presumably to avoid killing Billie. The second time, he ended up biting a girl who wasn't introduced. Is the family full of cannibals? The other members didn't seem to have the problem, although it looked like there was a huge gap between Ma Loute and his three younger brothers, so maybe they haven't manifested yet, and maybe his parents have learned to control it. Is the growling just an indication of his sexual desire, as the first time, it looked like he and Billie were going to go at it, and the second time, he had his head between that unnamed girl's boobs?

Thread #2: Was Billie physically a male or female? At the start, I felt so confused, but I thought, OK, maybe this is some artsy French thing, it's probably not important to the plot and they're trying to make a point, so I'm just going to roll with it. But then characters started commenting on it and it became relevant to the plot. Inspector Machin specifically said he was a "lad that's a lass" (didn't hear what he said in French, one of his character's traits is that he seems to mumble everything). Billie is first shown dressed as a girl with long hair, and she was with her two female cousins (who are always referred to as girls, and always seen in dresses), and that is how she looks when she meets Ma Loute. But when Billie's uncle arrives, he is dressed as a boy with short hair, and I can't remember if it was the uncle, or the guy who owns the house (Billie's other uncle) that comments, "Ah, Billie is a boy again!"

Ma Loute says to Billie, "Are you dressed as a boy?" to which he replies, "Of course". After Ma Loute transports him across the bay, he gives Ma Loute a kiss on the cheek, and they exchange a moment.

Then the next time we see her, she's dressed as a girl with long hair. She passes the inspectors, and Machin comments that it's definitely a lad dressed as a lass, but the other inspector looks uncertain and is convinced either that she's a girl after all, or that it's an entirely different person. Ma Loute says, "Ah, it's my pretty Billie".

Billie's mum arrives at the house (which belongs to her brother), and calls Billie "Mon Billie", indicating that he's a boy. The subtitles translate it as "My son Billie".

However, Ma Loute continues to treat Billie as though she's a girl. All the other characters look at Billie strangely. Oh, but Ma Loute's younger brothers say, "Elle est belle" (she is beautiful, the male equivalent being "Il est beau").

During the procession scene, Ma Loute says to Billie, "My love", and I'm 90% sure I heard him say "mon amour", which I thought indicated that Ma Loute knew that she was a he, but I just looked it up, and because amour begins with a vowel, "mon" which is the masculine possessive, is used for both males and females.

Billie goes to meet Ma  Loute again, this time dressed as a boy with long hair (which we find out is a wig, although you could kinda tell that from previous scenes as you could see the shaved head underneath, but this scene made it explicit). The inspector sees him again, and comments that he's dressed as a boy again to which she replies, "I'm a girl dressed as a boy."

But when Ma Loute carries her across the river, he says in surprise, "You have balls?! You conned me!" and drops her. So I kinda feel like that answers the question of whether Billie is a boy or a girl, but after that, it is never mentioned again, and perhaps hinted that he is a hermaphrodite (maybe I'm reading too much into it) - though Ma Loute does dump him. Here's the bit that got me though: the person that plays Billie is female. I guess that doesn't really mean anything in itself.

Thread #3: Why are people flying into the air?! While looking for her brother, who has gone missing, Isabelle walks out onto a cliff that overlooks the sea, and has a great view. Then we see her view changing, and see that she's actually flying into the air. After it ends, it almost looks like it was her imagination, as she's back where she started, overlooking the sea, but the reactions from the inspectors and André confirm that she actually was flying. Her flying isn't mentioned again, but we see Aude flying when she discovers the Billie has gone missing, and she runs down the steps, with none of  her feet actually touching the steps. Then right at the end Inspector Machin floats into the air, the "foreshadowing" being that he felt bloated earlier, and he was so invested in this investigation that he took off into the air. The very last part of the movie features the characters chasing him, because he's floating away, only for him to be saved because another officer shot 3 bullets into him which caused him to deflate, complete with the balloon fart-y sound. The movie ends not long after that, so all of the flying is never completely explained, though one character claims it was the Virgin Mary.

Thread #4: What is with Aude and André and the entire Van Peteghem family? OK, if you haven't seen the movie, it opens with André and Isabelle travelling to their holiday home in Calais, with their two daughters Blanche and Gaby, and their niece Billie. Then Isabelle's brother, Christian, drops by, and André seems to refer to him as his cousin, but also his brother-in-law. At first I wrote off, as André seems a bit slow on the uptake. Then André's sister, Aude, also joins them, and we find out she is Billie's mother. There is no mention of Billie's father until halfway through the movie when Aude and André are talking and she says she doesn't know who the father is. It seems like it's a typical case of teen pregnancy gone wrong, only we find out the reason why she doesn't know who the father is is because it could be either her brother, André, or their father!

The inspectors comment on the weird fact that André refers to Christian as his brother-in-law sometimes, and his cousin other times, and André explains that it's because he married Christian's sister, who is also his first cousin, once removed. And he explains that that's just the way things are in when you're from the North. Christian also seems a bit slow on the uptake, and so this kinda explains things, but just raises so many more questions.

Anyway, I sort of think that the discussion with Aude and André hints that maybe Billie is a hermaphrodite as Aude says, "What did the union of our blood create?" And none of the Van Peteghems seem to find Billie's constant gender changes odd, though it might just be that they've had 15 (?) years to get used to it.

Thread #5: What is with the cannibalism and what happened to the murder investigation?! So we discover that the Bruforts are cannibals, and you see all the kids eating raw human meat. The investigators are hot on their trail. When Christian, Billie and Aude go missing, there's a big search with a heap of officers. But then the three of them are found (because Ma Loute let them go) and suddenly everyone is celebrating and that's the end? What happened to the fat parasol lady? How did Ma Loute / his dad kidnap the nudist woman without her dog attacking them, and during the one minute the inspectors looked away to give her some privacy? How did their neighbours never comment on the fact that the Bruforts had blood all over their faces, and were eating the carcasses in plain sight?!

Thread #6: Which brings me to the previously mentioned unnamed girl. She sees them eating the humans, and even comes to talk to Ma Loute while his face is covered in blood. He asks if she wants him to eat her, which technically could have been a sexual comment, but she just walks off. She does not partake in the cannibalism. Is she their sister? It would explain the large age gap between Ma Loute and the next brother. But then she's also seen cuddling Ma Loute and it's implied that after he dumps Billie, he goes back to her. I guess given the other stuff that has happened in this movie, you can't really rule out incest.



Even now, having processed the movie a bit more, I have no idea what I just watched.