Until recently, my wardrobe consisted of jeans and T-shirts, with a few jumpers for Winter (and underwear, of course). I've never considered fashion important, but considering the fact that two of the things I enjoy most, playing games and watching movies, are typically done in the comfort of my own (or MrMan5.5's) home, comfort reigns over style. I know though, that clothes maketh the man, and so lately, I've been trying to play catch-up for all the years of wearing whatever my mum thinks looks nice as I want to look like a mature, responsible person in the workplace. Luckily, I've been getting help from Julian's wife Lucy, and so I now have the beginnings of a corporate wardrobe sitting in my room.
Sometimes I just feel like it isn't me. QC says she doesn't trust someone who is heavily made-up (as they can't be honest if they're wearing that much make-up to hide something), and to a degree, I feel the same way. With the exception of Charlotte, Lena and Vidya, I assumed that any girl who looked like she spent more than 10 minutes in front of a mirror in the morning but also considered herself a gamer couldn't possibly be any more skilled than the faux gamer girls who always make such a big deal about their gender in order to get attention (played with one in HoN the other day who kept whining that the other team kept killing her because she was a girl.... Er, no, they kept killing you because you had half the HP of any other person on our team. Ended up muting her). It's like you can level up one skill, at the expense of another.
Still, I can complain about the double standard of women being expected to wear make-up all I want, but it's not really going to change the fact that it's there, so I'm going to have to live with it. Compared to all of the other girls at the graduate program assessment centres, I looked like some hobo the graduate hiring team grabbed off the street, put in a suit, and told to play nice with the others. Although, one of the recruitment staff at Ericsson really liked my shoes (that Lucy picked out), and I think that was one of the biggest advantages I had at the group assessment. I guess a part of me is hoping that with all of this shopping and make-up stuff, the girly-girl inside me will suddenly wake up and realise it's her time to shine.
I feel like I have Lucy on one shoulder telling me, "Yes, Anna, you could be pretty if only you tried!" and QC on the other shoulder telling me, "Anna, you're a noob at fashion. Do you really want to be that feeder that everyone votes to kick 5 minutes into the game? Buy some DVDs instead."
On the plus side, hanging out with Lucy has been really fun. It's a bit refreshing to spend time with someone who isn't a geek, and she took me to see a ballet the other day which was new and interesting. Although now I'm probably going to force my kids to do ballet so that I'll get free tickets sometime in the future. She told me that a friend of hers got rejected by the Australian Ballet Company for having big boobs (where big means larger than A cup), so I'm not too sure how that'll work out if boob size is genetic which I believe it is, at least partially. =/
(Hmmm, now I am starting to wonder if I am one of those girl gamers who games just for the sake of attention from guys. Just running over a list of my friends, most of them are male friends from gaming. Those that are not are either uni friends who are into gaming, or primary/high school friends. Oh, and work people - most of whom are gamers, too. >_< I'm friends with 6 Andrews + an Andy and they are all gamers. Urgh, need sleep and possibly do not want to think of myself as a pseudo gamer girl any longer.)
Wednesday, 30 June 2010
Saturday, 5 June 2010
Am I Not Geeky Enough?
Since it took up so much of my past couple of months, I really should have written about the whole graduate application experience sooner. I guess the most prominent memory I have of the whole thing is meeting all the Super Smiley Cheery!!!! applicants at the assessment centres. Upon walking in, you are immediately greeted by five different people, and everyone is talking and laughing at jokes that really only stoners and people high on nitrous oxide would find funny. With the exception of the Ericsson one, I walked out of them thinking, "Am I the only person in here with half a brain?!" (Thank God for Suzy at the ANZ one.) Then again, I was also playing the Super Smiley Cheery!!!! persona, so perhaps everyone else thought the same about me.
To be honest, I had trouble telling if it was genuine - it's entirely possible that everyone in the room was truly Super Smiley Cheery!!!!. One of the things I love about working at Crown, is that 99% of the people you work with are friendly, and of that 1% that aren't, they're just having a bad day. It's probably due to both the hiring process and the fact that being on the floor for even a short period of time will weed out people who can't cope pretty quickly. I can't think of any advantage to faking friendliness would bring, as with 2000+ staff in table games alone, you could piss off half the dealers in the company, and you wouldn't have trouble avoiding them if you really wanted to. Plus, they've all had to put up with loud drunken idiots and rude players with a never-ending supply of $100 notes (I had this brainstorm that the casino could combine with a cinema, and for $100 a ticket, play a movie on the big screen for 10 minutes consisting of a slot machine randomly spinning, and every now and again, lights would flash. All the fun of a slot machine with the comfort of a cinema chair. Plus, you can get popcorn).
The next thing that stuck in my head the most was everyone's dislike of programming. Everytime I brought it up, I would get some comment about how they're glad they passed first year because they never have to do it again or how they found it one of the hardest and most boring subjects in their course. If so many of the people applying for this job found programming undesirable, then either they were willing to put up with it to get the job, or the job didn't really involve much programming at all. I figured the latter was more likely, which made me wonder why they listed a computer science-like degree as a requirement. The again, most of the people who were at the assessment centres had business IS degrees.
To be perfectly honest, my interest in computers waxes and wanes. I remember going over to Yi-Ying's (now known as Sally) house in grade 5 and she showed me a program she wrote in VB where you entered a number and it would print "Yi-Ying is the best" that many times. I know now that something like that is pretty basic to write, but at the time, I was spellbound. Of course, not having a computer at the time didn't make learning to program very easy (I was just reminded of our first computer which we bought from Toys 'R' Us! It boasted a huge sticker saying it was Y2K compliant).
A few years later, my friend Becca mentioned she wrote a program in C++, and so I begged her to let me have a copy of Borland C++. After copying all the files across, I hit a hurdle. I didn't know C++. I didn't even know C, or VB. I thought programming would be straightforward, like it seems to be in movies where you type phrases for the computer to execute in weird "computer-English". I couldn't find any books on C++ in the library, so once again, my programming hobby was cast aside.
I took programming as one of my Year 9 electives, but the subject was terrible in terms of actually teaching programming. The teacher didn't care at all (well, he only cared that we didn't play UT during class), and the subject basically consisted of him giving us a program written in a textbook, and us typing out the code and executing it (we used VB T_T). A couple of weeks in, someone realised we could just use the scanner so the class was basically an hour of free web-browsing. Ben and I tried to get a game going, but all we got was a picture of a cactuar from the Final Fantasy series, and a few boxes for actions (like Attack, Magic, etc.).
It was only after going to uni that I learnt to code properly (although how proper my code actually is is a bit subjective). Still, after a 6 year stint at uni, I still feel like I'm too noob to call myself a programmer (although sometimes I do just to simplify what my course entailed). I know it's bad, but sometimes, when MrMan5.5 or some of the ex-440 people start to talk tech, I find my eyes glazing over and my mind wandering to some mystical valley with flowers, unicorns, and in which whatever they're saying makes perfect sense to me. Still, I am a sponge, and it's a good learning experience!
After 340 and 440, I found that I enjoy testing and debugging a lot more than actual coding, but I'm afraid that if I got a job in that area, the previously mentioned noobishness would make me fail. I know that I look good on paper (my resume is filled with all kinds of extra-curricular stuff, plus the fact that I've been employed for the past 6 years without a gap), but I am terrified of walking into an interview, being shown some obscure piece of code, and then breaking down and crying because I have no idea what's going on. I guess that's why I had my heart set on a graduate position since it sounded like a good blend between tech stuff and non-tech stuff and they weren't looking for some hardcore geek to add to their lab that hasn't seen sunlight in the past 10 years.
I know that I'm not in the realm of the complete noob (I at least know how to double-click), but at the same time I feel like I am lying when I try to pass myself off as a software engineer - even though I have a large piece of paper that declares otherwise. I thought that maybe for the rest of this year, I could do some tech support work and maybe learn enough to feel confident enough to finish a job application for a software engineering placement. After searching on seek, it seems even that requires some sort of qualification/knowledge and so now I feel too noob to even apply for a tech support job. T_T
I've been trying to work out what it is I want. Do I want a super tech job, as I know it would be interesting, and maybe someday, I can understand what MrMan5.5 and the ex-440 people are talking about? Or do I want a job that is more middle-ground, maybe something that involves more client interaction (years at a supermarket/casino must have given me some people handling skills!)? Or do I want to competely give up on software engineering and utilise my arts degree? Or do I want to wait for a distant relative to die and leave me their farm that I have to tend, while trying to court one of the local village women in the hopes of getting married? Decisions, decisions.
To be honest, I had trouble telling if it was genuine - it's entirely possible that everyone in the room was truly Super Smiley Cheery!!!!. One of the things I love about working at Crown, is that 99% of the people you work with are friendly, and of that 1% that aren't, they're just having a bad day. It's probably due to both the hiring process and the fact that being on the floor for even a short period of time will weed out people who can't cope pretty quickly. I can't think of any advantage to faking friendliness would bring, as with 2000+ staff in table games alone, you could piss off half the dealers in the company, and you wouldn't have trouble avoiding them if you really wanted to. Plus, they've all had to put up with loud drunken idiots and rude players with a never-ending supply of $100 notes (I had this brainstorm that the casino could combine with a cinema, and for $100 a ticket, play a movie on the big screen for 10 minutes consisting of a slot machine randomly spinning, and every now and again, lights would flash. All the fun of a slot machine with the comfort of a cinema chair. Plus, you can get popcorn).
The next thing that stuck in my head the most was everyone's dislike of programming. Everytime I brought it up, I would get some comment about how they're glad they passed first year because they never have to do it again or how they found it one of the hardest and most boring subjects in their course. If so many of the people applying for this job found programming undesirable, then either they were willing to put up with it to get the job, or the job didn't really involve much programming at all. I figured the latter was more likely, which made me wonder why they listed a computer science-like degree as a requirement. The again, most of the people who were at the assessment centres had business IS degrees.
To be perfectly honest, my interest in computers waxes and wanes. I remember going over to Yi-Ying's (now known as Sally) house in grade 5 and she showed me a program she wrote in VB where you entered a number and it would print "Yi-Ying is the best" that many times. I know now that something like that is pretty basic to write, but at the time, I was spellbound. Of course, not having a computer at the time didn't make learning to program very easy (I was just reminded of our first computer which we bought from Toys 'R' Us! It boasted a huge sticker saying it was Y2K compliant).
A few years later, my friend Becca mentioned she wrote a program in C++, and so I begged her to let me have a copy of Borland C++. After copying all the files across, I hit a hurdle. I didn't know C++. I didn't even know C, or VB. I thought programming would be straightforward, like it seems to be in movies where you type phrases for the computer to execute in weird "computer-English". I couldn't find any books on C++ in the library, so once again, my programming hobby was cast aside.
I took programming as one of my Year 9 electives, but the subject was terrible in terms of actually teaching programming. The teacher didn't care at all (well, he only cared that we didn't play UT during class), and the subject basically consisted of him giving us a program written in a textbook, and us typing out the code and executing it (we used VB T_T). A couple of weeks in, someone realised we could just use the scanner so the class was basically an hour of free web-browsing. Ben and I tried to get a game going, but all we got was a picture of a cactuar from the Final Fantasy series, and a few boxes for actions (like Attack, Magic, etc.).
It was only after going to uni that I learnt to code properly (although how proper my code actually is is a bit subjective). Still, after a 6 year stint at uni, I still feel like I'm too noob to call myself a programmer (although sometimes I do just to simplify what my course entailed). I know it's bad, but sometimes, when MrMan5.5 or some of the ex-440 people start to talk tech, I find my eyes glazing over and my mind wandering to some mystical valley with flowers, unicorns, and in which whatever they're saying makes perfect sense to me. Still, I am a sponge, and it's a good learning experience!
After 340 and 440, I found that I enjoy testing and debugging a lot more than actual coding, but I'm afraid that if I got a job in that area, the previously mentioned noobishness would make me fail. I know that I look good on paper (my resume is filled with all kinds of extra-curricular stuff, plus the fact that I've been employed for the past 6 years without a gap), but I am terrified of walking into an interview, being shown some obscure piece of code, and then breaking down and crying because I have no idea what's going on. I guess that's why I had my heart set on a graduate position since it sounded like a good blend between tech stuff and non-tech stuff and they weren't looking for some hardcore geek to add to their lab that hasn't seen sunlight in the past 10 years.
I know that I'm not in the realm of the complete noob (I at least know how to double-click), but at the same time I feel like I am lying when I try to pass myself off as a software engineer - even though I have a large piece of paper that declares otherwise. I thought that maybe for the rest of this year, I could do some tech support work and maybe learn enough to feel confident enough to finish a job application for a software engineering placement. After searching on seek, it seems even that requires some sort of qualification/knowledge and so now I feel too noob to even apply for a tech support job. T_T
I've been trying to work out what it is I want. Do I want a super tech job, as I know it would be interesting, and maybe someday, I can understand what MrMan5.5 and the ex-440 people are talking about? Or do I want a job that is more middle-ground, maybe something that involves more client interaction (years at a supermarket/casino must have given me some people handling skills!)? Or do I want to competely give up on software engineering and utilise my arts degree? Or do I want to wait for a distant relative to die and leave me their farm that I have to tend, while trying to court one of the local village women in the hopes of getting married? Decisions, decisions.
Sunday, 30 May 2010
The Travelling Librarian
I was thinking thinking about how libraries in the same council get books to each other. For instance, I can go into the City Library, and borrow books straight off the shelf. If I that particular library doesn't have the book I want, I can search through the catalogue of all the other connected libraries, and if one of them has it, I can put it on reserve, and through library magic, it'll be at the City Library for me to pick up next time (you get an email to tell you that it has arrived, so you don't have to keep going in to check whether it's there or not). Not just that, but if I borrowed a book that belonged to a connected library, I could still return it at the City Library, and it'd find its way back to its home library. I was wondering what method the library uses to pass books around. I'll probably end up asking ex-librarian extrodinaire Darren later, but I thought I'd try to solve the problem myself first.
So first we have to make some assumptions:
-lacking any data about user borrowing habits, let's just assume the worst case scenario: every library has books that it needs to give to each other library, and every library has books it requires from each other library.
-the truck(/van/car/rickshaw) has unlimited space, and so return trips to pick up an overflow of books are unneccesary.
-readers are impatient and they expect their books to arrive by at least the next working day(this may be the most unlikely assumption, but I'm making it because I think it makes sense. For instance, you could have a solution like "all books are shipped to Library A on Mondays, B on Tuesdays, C on Wednesdays, etc with a 'take yours pass the rest along' agreement" but that seems like a strange solution - though it might be efficient in terms of saving petrol and driver costs).
-the truck must return to its starting location at the end of each day (because that's where the driver has parked their car so that they can go home).
-the books are already sorted into their destinations, so sorting time doesn't need to be taken into account
-delivery is instantaneous (drop it down a chute or something), so that doesn't need to be taken into account.
-all the transportation is done after closing time, so you don't have to take into account a worse-worst case in which people are constantly queuing up reservations from the library furthest away to the library you're currently at (if any reservations are made after closing time, they are queued for the next day).
The obvious solution would be for each library to have a truck, and make deliveries at the end of the night to each of the other libraries. This is really inefficient though, as you need n trucks for n libraries and they each make n trips, so you end up with n^2 trips. Plus having to pay for n trucks and pay n drivers.
n trucks
n^2 arrows
The next solution I could think of involved one truck that made a circular trip picking up books along the way, dropping the books off at the last destination, and then circling back and dropping off all the other books along the way. This solution can partially take into account load limits, as you can drop off books at intermediate libraries while you're picking them up, so you can release some of your load. It's a bit like an elevator algorithm.'
1 truck
2(n - 1) arrows
The last solution I came up with featured two trucks, starting at opposite ends. They would travel towards each other, only picking up books for libraries they hadn't yet passed.
Truck 1 would pick up all books at Library A. At Library B, it would drop off any books from A destined for B, and only pick up books for library C, D or E.
Truck 2 would pick up all books at Library E. At Library D, it would drop off books from E destined for D, and only pick up books for library C, B or A.
At Library C, they would both drop off books destined for C, and Truck 1 would only pick up books for D or E, and Truck 2 would only pick up books for A or B. Timewise, this is faster than the second solution, but it requires 2 trucks, rather than one.
2 trucks
2n arrows
I'll ask Darren later and update this with what he says libraries actually do.
So first we have to make some assumptions:
-lacking any data about user borrowing habits, let's just assume the worst case scenario: every library has books that it needs to give to each other library, and every library has books it requires from each other library.
-the truck(/van/car/rickshaw) has unlimited space, and so return trips to pick up an overflow of books are unneccesary.
-readers are impatient and they expect their books to arrive by at least the next working day(this may be the most unlikely assumption, but I'm making it because I think it makes sense. For instance, you could have a solution like "all books are shipped to Library A on Mondays, B on Tuesdays, C on Wednesdays, etc with a 'take yours pass the rest along' agreement" but that seems like a strange solution - though it might be efficient in terms of saving petrol and driver costs).
-the truck must return to its starting location at the end of each day (because that's where the driver has parked their car so that they can go home).
-the books are already sorted into their destinations, so sorting time doesn't need to be taken into account
-delivery is instantaneous (drop it down a chute or something), so that doesn't need to be taken into account.
-all the transportation is done after closing time, so you don't have to take into account a worse-worst case in which people are constantly queuing up reservations from the library furthest away to the library you're currently at (if any reservations are made after closing time, they are queued for the next day).
The obvious solution would be for each library to have a truck, and make deliveries at the end of the night to each of the other libraries. This is really inefficient though, as you need n trucks for n libraries and they each make n trips, so you end up with n^2 trips. Plus having to pay for n trucks and pay n drivers.
n trucks
n^2 arrows
The next solution I could think of involved one truck that made a circular trip picking up books along the way, dropping the books off at the last destination, and then circling back and dropping off all the other books along the way. This solution can partially take into account load limits, as you can drop off books at intermediate libraries while you're picking them up, so you can release some of your load. It's a bit like an elevator algorithm.'
1 truck
2(n - 1) arrows
The last solution I came up with featured two trucks, starting at opposite ends. They would travel towards each other, only picking up books for libraries they hadn't yet passed.
Truck 1 would pick up all books at Library A. At Library B, it would drop off any books from A destined for B, and only pick up books for library C, D or E.
Truck 2 would pick up all books at Library E. At Library D, it would drop off books from E destined for D, and only pick up books for library C, B or A.
At Library C, they would both drop off books destined for C, and Truck 1 would only pick up books for D or E, and Truck 2 would only pick up books for A or B. Timewise, this is faster than the second solution, but it requires 2 trucks, rather than one.
2 trucks
2n arrows
I'll ask Darren later and update this with what he says libraries actually do.
Friday, 28 May 2010
Fat Boy or Slim?
Lately I've noticed that I don't seem to notice what anybody's body shape is. I was meeting up with two friends who hadn't met each other before at the new DFO in South Wharf where they have no phone reception downstairs. I had gone down with Lucy and the Sharon had no way of contacting us to tell us where she was. We figured Sharon must have been downstairs since we couldn't call her. In the end, Lucy and I decided to split up, and she was going to sit outside Smiggle in case Sharon came up, while I went downstairs to look for her. Lucy asked for a description of Sharon, and all I could come up with was, "Asian with long, black hair". Lucy asked if she was fat/skinny/etc. and I struggled to come up with an answer.
I guess the first big problem is that the labels "fat" and "skinny" are subjective. When asked whether someone is either, I usually compare them to people that I know are fat or skinny. When asked to think of a fat person, the only person that usually pops up in my head is John Candy (which most people don't even know, so that doesn't really help!) and skinny makes me think of Kate Moss. Everything is mostly a grey area in between. That's just for me though, and I know that other people will have different points of reference. It seems weird to say, "Well, I guess she's one and a half Kate Mosses." Not just that, but I may describe someone as what I think is fat, and the other person will have a differing opinion. When people have commented to me that they are fat and need to lose weight, I am always so surprised, because I had never considered them to be fat. I spent the last 10 minutes trying to think of somebody I know in real life who is fat, and other than a supervisor at Safeway, I couldn't think of anybody. Yet obesity is a huge problem in Australia, so it seems unlikely that of all the people I know, only one person is fat. Clearly something must be wrong with my perception of people!
I guess the first big problem is that the labels "fat" and "skinny" are subjective. When asked whether someone is either, I usually compare them to people that I know are fat or skinny. When asked to think of a fat person, the only person that usually pops up in my head is John Candy (which most people don't even know, so that doesn't really help!) and skinny makes me think of Kate Moss. Everything is mostly a grey area in between. That's just for me though, and I know that other people will have different points of reference. It seems weird to say, "Well, I guess she's one and a half Kate Mosses." Not just that, but I may describe someone as what I think is fat, and the other person will have a differing opinion. When people have commented to me that they are fat and need to lose weight, I am always so surprised, because I had never considered them to be fat. I spent the last 10 minutes trying to think of somebody I know in real life who is fat, and other than a supervisor at Safeway, I couldn't think of anybody. Yet obesity is a huge problem in Australia, so it seems unlikely that of all the people I know, only one person is fat. Clearly something must be wrong with my perception of people!
I have overheard people calling me fat before, but according to my WiiFit (clearly the most reliable source of information that I have!) I'm in the healthy BMI range. Now if only people could wear wrist bands or something signifying which range they are in so that it would make it easier for me to describe them! Then again, QC says Asians are meant to have lower than normal BMI (or was it higher? It was different to the standard, anyway) so that doesn't really help.
Still, it made me wonder if I have some sort of prosopagnosia. In most cases, I can really only give a vague physical description of somebody, and even then, it's generally unhelpful. It's unfortunate, because a lot of the time, we are required to give a description of somebody in order to resolve a problem. I don't think I do have prosopagnosia though, probably just "psychohypochrondria" - the condition suffered by psychology students who feel they have every psychological disorder in the DSM IV. I just think that I find other facts about people more important. I could tell you a whole list of things about Sharon (which would make sense given that I've known her for about 12 years now), with a very small portion of that list being a physical description.
Still, it made me wonder if I have some sort of prosopagnosia. In most cases, I can really only give a vague physical description of somebody, and even then, it's generally unhelpful. It's unfortunate, because a lot of the time, we are required to give a description of somebody in order to resolve a problem. I don't think I do have prosopagnosia though, probably just "psychohypochrondria" - the condition suffered by psychology students who feel they have every psychological disorder in the DSM IV. I just think that I find other facts about people more important. I could tell you a whole list of things about Sharon (which would make sense given that I've known her for about 12 years now), with a very small portion of that list being a physical description.
A part of this may be due to maturity. When young children are asked to describe themselves, they will usually list physical attributes or things about possessions, "I am a girl," or "I have a blue train." Then they later develop thoughts about feelings and their position in society, "I love my parents, " or "At school, my job is to look after the roses." Teens tend to describe themselves in terms of personality traits or beliefs, "I'm talkative," or "I think people who talk loudly on the train are rude." Following that, it would make sense for me to store facts about people's personalities, beliefs and preferences rather than just a basic physical description.
If you get right down to it, what use is it to categorise people into "fat" and "skinny"? Other than ice-hockey, I really don't do any other physical sports at the moment (I can't even say I do ice hockey yet, since I'm still learning to skate), and so I don't really need to filter people out based on assumed physical capability (though a friend of mine who considers himself fat still outruns me). What I tend to try to remember are likes and dislikes, which makes it easier to work out who would be interested in doing certain things with me.
Thursday, 29 April 2010
The First Time
It has been a while, but it's time for another O.5 rated blog post! (For those who have just joined the programme, O is the letter O, not the number zero, and O.5 is my rating between M15+ and R18+.) As usual, if you are family, or really don't want to know something about me that might make it hard to look me in the face next time you see me, it's probably not a good idea to read this post.
Talking to Olek and Jeroz in HoN the other day about "asl" reminded me of this one person I came across while I was playing checkers online. I still remember his username: ill_type_roller. For a reason I never understood at the time, most of the games I played were prefaced by people asking "a/s/l?" before the game. It irritated me a lot as probably 80% of the time, my opponent would leave after I told them I was a 12-year-old female from Australia, but was more interested in playing checkers than cybersex. Why were these people hanging around games of checkers rather than in some chat room trying to find someone? (I wonder if Stephen Conroy is going to suggest we start to filter out anything that allows one person to talk to another person online. If online checkers is unsafe for children, who knows what other "dangers" lurk out there?!)
The difference between ill_type_roller and all the other asl-retards was that even though I expressed my disinterest, he continued to play a game of checkers with me. The difference betweewn ill_type_roller and all the other people I played checkers with was that even though I expressed my disinterest, he continued to tell me about how he fingered his girlfriend last night, in great detail. He wasn't a bad player, but he didn't seem to get the hint when I didn't reply to anything that he said.
Fast forward a few years later and during a night of curiosity, his words suddenly came back to me. I tried to do everything he said that he did, and while it felt a bit nice, it seemed like an overrated experience to me. There was nothing to make me moan like he said his girlfriend did, it felt a bit more like being tickled but instead of laughing uncontrollably it just tingled nicely wherever my finger was. Then it occured to me, maybe I was doing it wrong. No way could this be the fabled orgasm. This couldn't be what guys apparently think about every 7 seconds, or that women cheat on their husbands for.
Despite feeling that what I was doing was wrong and that God would smite me down, or police would burst into my room at night, I persevered. I was too afraid to search online for help, because we only had one computer at the time, and I didn't want it to come up in the browser history. Weeks went by with no luck, and I was starting to wonder if maybe all women faked it, and that there was no such thing as an orgasm for women at least. Had I discovered the biggest conspiracy since the moon landing? (I kid, I do believe we've sent people up to the moon.)
Then I came across a section of a site that I frequented that I had previously ignored due to the "adult content". The site itself was something that Iwasn't afraid to have in my browser history and I figured that someone who was just scanning my history wouldn't notice if a few of the pages were from this adult section. So I clicked. The page featured a lot of erotic stories and since I was already on the page, I decided to pick one of the stories and read it. It was hot, it was steamy, it made me wish I had someone who would do those things to me.
All of the nights of fruitless rubbing had been forgotten. It was the first appearance of "the faceless man" who I fantasized about, doing all of those things in the story to me. I didn't know what an orgasm felt like, but in my fantasy, I knew it was what I wanted and he was getting me there. Everything he did to me felt so good, it was like he could read my mind and knew exactly what I wanted, as well as what I needed but didn't know I wanted. It was an incredible experience in my head and then something started to happen outside my fantasy. I had to quickly cover my mouth in case the moan I knew was coming escaped.
I haven't read that story again since that time. I've found much better writers since then and haven't really felt compelled to search for it. For anyone who is curious though, I think the title was something along the lines of The Night Trunks Was Conceived. Yep, my first orgasm was thanks to Dragonball Z fanfiction.
Talking to Olek and Jeroz in HoN the other day about "asl" reminded me of this one person I came across while I was playing checkers online. I still remember his username: ill_type_roller. For a reason I never understood at the time, most of the games I played were prefaced by people asking "a/s/l?" before the game. It irritated me a lot as probably 80% of the time, my opponent would leave after I told them I was a 12-year-old female from Australia, but was more interested in playing checkers than cybersex. Why were these people hanging around games of checkers rather than in some chat room trying to find someone? (I wonder if Stephen Conroy is going to suggest we start to filter out anything that allows one person to talk to another person online. If online checkers is unsafe for children, who knows what other "dangers" lurk out there?!)
The difference between ill_type_roller and all the other asl-retards was that even though I expressed my disinterest, he continued to play a game of checkers with me. The difference betweewn ill_type_roller and all the other people I played checkers with was that even though I expressed my disinterest, he continued to tell me about how he fingered his girlfriend last night, in great detail. He wasn't a bad player, but he didn't seem to get the hint when I didn't reply to anything that he said.
Fast forward a few years later and during a night of curiosity, his words suddenly came back to me. I tried to do everything he said that he did, and while it felt a bit nice, it seemed like an overrated experience to me. There was nothing to make me moan like he said his girlfriend did, it felt a bit more like being tickled but instead of laughing uncontrollably it just tingled nicely wherever my finger was. Then it occured to me, maybe I was doing it wrong. No way could this be the fabled orgasm. This couldn't be what guys apparently think about every 7 seconds, or that women cheat on their husbands for.
Despite feeling that what I was doing was wrong and that God would smite me down, or police would burst into my room at night, I persevered. I was too afraid to search online for help, because we only had one computer at the time, and I didn't want it to come up in the browser history. Weeks went by with no luck, and I was starting to wonder if maybe all women faked it, and that there was no such thing as an orgasm for women at least. Had I discovered the biggest conspiracy since the moon landing? (I kid, I do believe we've sent people up to the moon.)
Then I came across a section of a site that I frequented that I had previously ignored due to the "adult content". The site itself was something that Iwasn't afraid to have in my browser history and I figured that someone who was just scanning my history wouldn't notice if a few of the pages were from this adult section. So I clicked. The page featured a lot of erotic stories and since I was already on the page, I decided to pick one of the stories and read it. It was hot, it was steamy, it made me wish I had someone who would do those things to me.
All of the nights of fruitless rubbing had been forgotten. It was the first appearance of "the faceless man" who I fantasized about, doing all of those things in the story to me. I didn't know what an orgasm felt like, but in my fantasy, I knew it was what I wanted and he was getting me there. Everything he did to me felt so good, it was like he could read my mind and knew exactly what I wanted, as well as what I needed but didn't know I wanted. It was an incredible experience in my head and then something started to happen outside my fantasy. I had to quickly cover my mouth in case the moan I knew was coming escaped.
I haven't read that story again since that time. I've found much better writers since then and haven't really felt compelled to search for it. For anyone who is curious though, I think the title was something along the lines of The Night Trunks Was Conceived. Yep, my first orgasm was thanks to Dragonball Z fanfiction.
Friday, 26 March 2010
Toughening Up!
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Dave, there are two kinds of angry people in this world: explosive and implosive. Explosive, which is the most common, is the type of individual you see screaming at a grocery store cashier for not taking his coupon. Implosive, the least common, is the cashier at the store who remains quiet at his job day after day until he then finally loses it and just shoots everyone in the store. You're the cashier.So, the major thing that has happened in my life so far this year is my dismal loss to Pulkit in a sumo fight. For those who weren't there, Pulkit stood on the spot, and I tried to push him with everything I had, and he didn't even move. I know that I'm definitely lacking in the physical department, but I didn't think I was that weak. So I decided to take up a sport to try and develop my strength. Probably a really girly thing to say, but the problem I have with most sports is that I hate getting really sweaty, which really rules out any sport that doesn't take place in the water. After going ice skating at the Icehouse at the Docklands, I decided I was going to try out ice hockey.
Dave Buznik: No, no, no. I'm the guy in the frozen food section dialling 911. I swear.
-Anger Management
There are a few reasons for this other than wanting to be stronger. A few weeks ago, I was playing a game of HoN with Jeroz, Redact and Redact's friends, and I guess I just had a really bad day or something and I snapped. I started raging at one of my teammates, uncontrollably. I just couldn't stop, and eventually, he rage quit. I would like to think that I rarely rage at others, especially in games as they're just games. After it happened, I felt so bad I apologized to Jeroz and went and did something else. I think that things like that are a sign that I am a "cashier" - I mean, if 5 years of working at Safeway don't count for anything, then what does? I hate the idea that there's a ticking time bomb inside me just waiting to explode (ah, cliches, how I love thee). Do you want to know what that guy did to set me off? He claimed that he died because I didn't buy wards. Something so small, and I know that if someone said that to me in a game right now, I would just shrug it off.
I think the biggest contributor to my "cashier" nature is the fact that I'm such a doormat. I agree to do things that I really don't want to do, and then I start to resent the people around me for not realising that I don't want to do it. Then start hating them for even asking me in the first place, despite the fact that there is no way for them to know I don't want to do it because I keep saying yes all the time.
The hardest part for me, is being comfortable with the idea that there are people out there who hate me. Urgh, even writing that makes me try to think of all the people who might possibly hate me, and then makes me try to come up with ways to fix it so they don't. Although the only person I can come up with at the moment is my sister. Anyway, in ice hockey, there are going to be plenty of people who hate me, from the person who I just slammed into the wall, to my teammates who are upset because I just missed an important shot. Rather than try to make them like me, I think it'll motivate me to be a better player. Plus, I can just take out all of my aggression on the other players and nobody will think it's unusual.
Ice hockey has all of the benefits of a contact sport, without crazy amounts of sweating. Plus, I think it'll make me more confident being able to walk into a room knowing that I could probably body slam most of the people in it.
In other non-angry news, I think I have really missed my calling as a criminal. Roulette is pretty much automatic for me now, and in between dealing with drunks and rude players, I spend most of my time thinking up ways to rob the casino. I know, it's a terrible hobby, and I would like to say that I would never actually carry out any of these plans! First of all, most of the plans I have come up with are just ways to steal small amounts of money (around $10k) that aren't really worth the risk of getting caught. Secondly, I think it's wrong to steal. I got paid more than I should have last week, and to me it felt like I was stealing so I told a pit boss about it. He said that I shouldn't worry about it, it was only about $22.
I've recently discovered a new crime author to read, James Swain, who critics claim is inventing a new genre: casino noir. His books are light-hearted crime stories, but in them, he writes about many casino scams that have been tried in the past - most of which are on the level of my ideas. I find the idea behind most of them quite interesting, but they all required someone on the inside to pull off. Reading about them though, makes me wonder if I'm just reinventing the wheel with my own ideas. I'm sure the scams he has written about are ones that are "declassified" since I know they would be impossible to pull off where I work. So there must be scams that aren't allowed to be published (read: hidden somewhere in the Interwebs) which are in a completely different league to what I have come up with.
One "cheat" that Work Paul told me about was something called a "Savannah bet" where the idea is to wait until the winning number is on the table furthest away from the dealer, and then when the dealer turns their head to check the number, someone quickly places chips underneath any winning chips on that number.
There is a more complicated version which requires at least two people. One person ("A") must play the brown chips (because these chips closely resemble $100 cash chips). They have to cash in for a few stacks of brown chips, plus a few $100 cash chips, all in plain view. Then they give some brown chips to their accomplice ("B"). "A" bets everywhere like a maniac and acts noob. Once the number is on the farthest side again, "B" then slips a couple of brown chips with a $100 cash chip underneath onto the winning number. Then "A" has to quickly hide one of their $100 chips and then start screaming that one has gone missing. The dealer than realises that "A" must have "accidentally" bet one of their $100 chips in addition to the brown chips, and since the bet is there, it stands and gets paid 35:1, $3500.
Sounds good except for one thing: cameras. No supervisor is just going to let something suspicious like that get paid out without checking the footage. No matter how fast your hands are, you're not going to be faster than a camera can record.
I really need to get out of this business....
Thursday, 11 March 2010
HR/Software Eng Graduate Career Links
Careers fairs are so depressing. Coles had computer science listed as one of their targetted disciplines, but when Suzy went to ask them about it, they just bluntly said they're outsourcing it. Most places targetting "all engineering" make an acception for software. =(
Anyway, I'm compiling a list of all the places that will accept software engineering/psych students. I think I would prefer to go the software eng path, but a lot of people said that the hard part is getting into the company, and once you're in, you can transfer to another department if you don't like it, so I'm thinking I should keep my options open and apply for HR stuff in the event that if I don't anything else, maybe I can transfer if I don't like HR. This isn't a complete list, as I'm leaving out the places that I'm not interested in (I'm not particularly interested in teaching right now, for one). Also, as I'm an Australian citizen, I've included the places that don't take international students.
Companies taking software eng/comp sci graduates (in order of closing dates for apps)
IBM 2010 Graduate IT Consultant
IBM 2011 Graduate IT Consultant
IBM 2011 Graduate IT Specialist (has 3 different jobs listed, one of the closing dates is listed as the 30th of April 2009, but the other two don't seem to have one listed, GG copy+paste)
Optiver Graduate Application Engineer (Sydney placement, no closing date listed)
Optiver Graduate Developer (Sydney placement, no closing date listed)
PricewaterhouseCoopers (now - whenever they get enough applicants)
Oracle (no closing date listed, but first round interviews are in June, so I'm guessing late April, early May - thanks Paul for forwarding this to me!)
Deloitte (now - 17th of March, 2010)
KPMG (now - 18th of March, 2010)
Macquarie (now - 19th of March, 2010)
ANZ (now - 26th of March, 2010)
NAB (now - 28th of March, 2010)
Westpac (Sydney placement, now - 28th of March, 2010)
Ericsson (now - 31st of March, 2010)
Mars (now - 4th of April, 2010)
AXA (now - 4th of April, 2010)
Commonwealth Bank (Sydney placement - now - 6th of April, 2010)
Telstra (now - 6th of April, 2010)
Victorian Government (now - 9th of April, 2010)
Coles (now - 11th of April, 2010 - despite what they said to Suzy, they also have IT listed on their website, under the store support graduate program)
Defence Science & Techonology Organisation (now - 12th of April, 2010)
Australian Bureau of Statistics (now - 16th of April, 2010)
Origin Energy (now - 16th of April, 2010)
Defence Materiel Organisation (now - 18th of April, 2010)
Centrelink (now - 27th of April, 2010)
Bechtel Corporation (now - 30th of April, 2010)
IBM, (now - 30th of April, 2010)
ATO (now - 5th of May, 2010)
BAE Sytems (Canberra placement - now - 28th of May, 2010 - have to find this one by doing a job search. There are also placements in Adelaide)
Attorney General's Office (29th of April - 31st of May, 2010)
Aldi (31st of Dec)
Companies taking psych/HR graduates (in order of closing dates for apps)
Deloitte (now - 17th of March, 2010)
KPMG (now - 18th of March, 2010)
Macquarie (now - 19th of March, 2010)
NAB (now - 28th of March, 2010)
Westpac (Sydney placement, now - 28th of March, 2010)
National Foods (now - 31st of March, 2010)
Shell (1st of April, 2010)
Mars (now - 4th of April, 2010)
OneSteel (now - 6th of April, 2010)
Commonwealth Bank (Sydney placement - now - 6th of April, 2010)
Telstra (now - 6th of April)
Victorian Government (now - 9th of April, 2010)
Defence Science & Techonology Organisation (now - 12th of April, 2010)
Centrelink (now - 27th of April, 2010)
ATO (now - 5th of May, 2010)
Attorney General's Office (29th of April - 31st of May, 2010)
Aldi (31st of Dec, 2010)
Hays (no closing date that I could find)
Note: I've only included the ones that had information at the careers fair on Wednesday, but I'll update the list as I come across more.
Anyway, I'm compiling a list of all the places that will accept software engineering/psych students. I think I would prefer to go the software eng path, but a lot of people said that the hard part is getting into the company, and once you're in, you can transfer to another department if you don't like it, so I'm thinking I should keep my options open and apply for HR stuff in the event that if I don't anything else, maybe I can transfer if I don't like HR. This isn't a complete list, as I'm leaving out the places that I'm not interested in (I'm not particularly interested in teaching right now, for one). Also, as I'm an Australian citizen, I've included the places that don't take international students.
Companies taking software eng/comp sci graduates (in order of closing dates for apps)
IBM 2010 Graduate IT Consultant
IBM 2011 Graduate IT Consultant
IBM 2011 Graduate IT Specialist (has 3 different jobs listed, one of the closing dates is listed as the 30th of April 2009, but the other two don't seem to have one listed, GG copy+paste)
Optiver Graduate Application Engineer (Sydney placement, no closing date listed)
Optiver Graduate Developer (Sydney placement, no closing date listed)
PricewaterhouseCoopers (now - whenever they get enough applicants)
Oracle (no closing date listed, but first round interviews are in June, so I'm guessing late April, early May - thanks Paul for forwarding this to me!)
Deloitte (now - 17th of March, 2010)
KPMG (now - 18th of March, 2010)
Macquarie (now - 19th of March, 2010)
ANZ (now - 26th of March, 2010)
NAB (now - 28th of March, 2010)
Westpac (Sydney placement, now - 28th of March, 2010)
Ericsson (now - 31st of March, 2010)
Mars (now - 4th of April, 2010)
AXA (now - 4th of April, 2010)
Commonwealth Bank (Sydney placement - now - 6th of April, 2010)
Telstra (now - 6th of April, 2010)
Victorian Government (now - 9th of April, 2010)
Coles (now - 11th of April, 2010 - despite what they said to Suzy, they also have IT listed on their website, under the store support graduate program)
Defence Science & Techonology Organisation (now - 12th of April, 2010)
Australian Bureau of Statistics (now - 16th of April, 2010)
Origin Energy (now - 16th of April, 2010)
Defence Materiel Organisation (now - 18th of April, 2010)
Centrelink (now - 27th of April, 2010)
Bechtel Corporation (now - 30th of April, 2010)
IBM, (now - 30th of April, 2010)
ATO (now - 5th of May, 2010)
BAE Sytems (Canberra placement - now - 28th of May, 2010 - have to find this one by doing a job search. There are also placements in Adelaide)
Attorney General's Office (29th of April - 31st of May, 2010)
Aldi (31st of Dec)
Companies taking psych/HR graduates (in order of closing dates for apps)
Deloitte (now - 17th of March, 2010)
KPMG (now - 18th of March, 2010)
Macquarie (now - 19th of March, 2010)
NAB (now - 28th of March, 2010)
Westpac (Sydney placement, now - 28th of March, 2010)
National Foods (now - 31st of March, 2010)
Shell (1st of April, 2010)
Mars (now - 4th of April, 2010)
OneSteel (now - 6th of April, 2010)
Commonwealth Bank (Sydney placement - now - 6th of April, 2010)
Telstra (now - 6th of April)
Victorian Government (now - 9th of April, 2010)
Defence Science & Techonology Organisation (now - 12th of April, 2010)
Centrelink (now - 27th of April, 2010)
ATO (now - 5th of May, 2010)
Attorney General's Office (29th of April - 31st of May, 2010)
Aldi (31st of Dec, 2010)
Hays (no closing date that I could find)
Note: I've only included the ones that had information at the careers fair on Wednesday, but I'll update the list as I come across more.
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