Olek's post
GP's post
(It would make sense for me to edit my last post and add the links, but I don't think anyone would be checking my post to see their updates, so I'm just going to add it to my next post.)
(Since stuff has happened while I was typing this post out, I've decided this will be divided into two posts - though for the sake of the 1 for 1 (for 1) deal, I'm going to count it as one if Olek and GP are OK with that. The reason for the divide is that someone (I forgot who) wrote in my "21st" book, "Less emo posts", and so I'm dividing it into the emo(E) and non-emo(NE) parts.)
A few nights ago, I went out for a drink with Graham and his friend Hannah, and he was making fun of the fact that she had been texting her friend with benefits and he told her to reply to one of his messages with a smiley face and he hadn't replied. It just reminded me of Charmeleon and the fact that texting him was both exciting and stressful at the same time. I don't know why, but it seemed like every message had to have some sort of double meaning and be both innocent and flirty at the same time.
I have since gotten a new phone, so all of the messages aren't there anymore, but I was just thinking about the difference in the texting between me and Charmeleon and me and MrMan5.5. I message MrMan5.5 with all kinds of crap from seeing someone on the street doing something stupid to once again realising that I'm the shortest person in the group that I'm with (T_T). I feel comfortable sending him anything, and I don't feel like I have to proofread my message over and over again before hitting send in case I was saying something I didn't mean.
It seems strange to me that I'm so much closer to MrMan5.5 and I consider my relationship with him to be on a higher level than what I had with Charmeleon, but so much effort was put into simple things like messaging him.
To be perfectly honest, I did have feelings for Charmeleon, once upon a time. Though I kind of hit a point where I realised that things wouldn't really work if we were together (in a non-FWB way, for reasons I would prefer not to disclose), and so I was fine with keeping things at a just sleeping together nature. The thing was, I knew he was sleeping with other girls, and other than "That Guy", there wasn't really anyone else in my life, and it made me feel a bit like I didn't know where I stood. He could just wake up one morning and decide he was bored of me and that would be it (although I was the one who ended up ending it - not because I was bored, but because I met MrMan5.5). It was for that reason that I felt texts between us had to have that zing to it, because it had to be kept light and fun.
A few nights ago, I went out for a drink with Graham and his friend Hannah, and he was making fun of the fact that she had been texting her friend with benefits and he told her to reply to one of his messages with a smiley face and he hadn't replied. It just reminded me of Charmeleon and the fact that texting him was both exciting and stressful at the same time. I don't know why, but it seemed like every message had to have some sort of double meaning and be both innocent and flirty at the same time.
I have since gotten a new phone, so all of the messages aren't there anymore, but I was just thinking about the difference in the texting between me and Charmeleon and me and MrMan5.5. I message MrMan5.5 with all kinds of crap from seeing someone on the street doing something stupid to once again realising that I'm the shortest person in the group that I'm with (T_T). I feel comfortable sending him anything, and I don't feel like I have to proofread my message over and over again before hitting send in case I was saying something I didn't mean.
It seems strange to me that I'm so much closer to MrMan5.5 and I consider my relationship with him to be on a higher level than what I had with Charmeleon, but so much effort was put into simple things like messaging him.
To be perfectly honest, I did have feelings for Charmeleon, once upon a time. Though I kind of hit a point where I realised that things wouldn't really work if we were together (in a non-FWB way, for reasons I would prefer not to disclose), and so I was fine with keeping things at a just sleeping together nature. The thing was, I knew he was sleeping with other girls, and other than "That Guy", there wasn't really anyone else in my life, and it made me feel a bit like I didn't know where I stood. He could just wake up one morning and decide he was bored of me and that would be it (although I was the one who ended up ending it - not because I was bored, but because I met MrMan5.5). It was for that reason that I felt texts between us had to have that zing to it, because it had to be kept light and fun.
Not that it wasn't fun. It was always nice to hear my phone beep that I had a new message and construct some sort of reply, but there were occasions when I'd create what I thought was a masterpiece of a reply, and then he'd be busy, so we wouldn't be able to meet up, and it'd be a big let down. Then the next time he wanted to meet up, I'd feel compelled to turn him down (with yet another masterful creation) to make it even. Don't ask me to explain how it makes sense at all, or how there is some sense of even, I don't know why I did it, I just did.
In the end, if you think about it, the fact that so much theatre was required just to maintain interest is probably a sign that any relationship without it was doomed to failure as I think eventually, we'd become so tied up with innuendo and when it comes to trying to discuss something serious, it wouldn't be possible. It reminds me a bit of an episode of Scrubs (My Drama Queen) where JD ends up dating someone who is only interested in him when there's something dramatic happening.
Funnily enough, a while ago, I asked Charmeleon to get a pizza with me after I finished work (this was back when I would wake up, go to work, get home, play some WoW/HoN, sleep, then start over. It was kinda lonely for me, and there aren't many people who are up at 4AM and willing to get pizza) and he ended up cancelling on me. There were no sexually charged messages (unless pizza gained a double meaning I don't want to know about), but I just thought it was ironic given what I said earlier in this post. I was disappointed not to be able to get pizza, but it was a different disappointment to what I felt in the past, and there was no feeling that I had to get 'even'. Although, Julian said that it probably wasn't a good idea to meet up with him, and I know MrMan5.5 was uncomfortable with the idea even though he said he was fine with it, so I think it was a good decision not to reschedule.
No comments:
Post a Comment