Planetary Alignment

Someone posted on Reddit about how she found out her boyfriend regularly searches for a friend of hers on Facebook, and it turned out it was because he likes to masturbate to photos of her friend. A lot of the replies basically said that it was a pretty normal thing.

• what if you know them?

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• how can you look at them normally?

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• pretty damn easily

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• ok this may be a shocker

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• but I've jerked to most females I know

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• and almost every guy is the same

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• • for me it's a 1 or a 0

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  • and if it's spank bank stuff

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  • maybe 90% of people are 1

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I'm told that sometimes, if you have someone on the mind, the only way to get them off your mind is to use them in that way. It just seems really odd to me. I don't know if I'm just picky, but for someone to be in my spank bank, they have to pass a really rigorous test!

Be attractive to me

I think this one is a bit of a given, as you are fantasizing about them in a sexual way, and if you don't find them attractive, well, then you'd better hope you don't develop RSI.

Cannot be in a relationship with one of my friends, or have been in one in the past

This one is more to do with the girl code, and I would feel really guilty picturing someone's partner in a sexual way, even more so masturbating to them. Interestingly, if someone who I may have thought about in the past starts to date one of my friends, then they just fade off my radar. 

Must be intellectually stimulating

This one is probably a bit weird, because it's not like there is imaginary cuddling after the imaginary sex, but I just can't imagine sex with someone who I'm not able to talk to. For instance, there's a guy I met a few months ago, who is definitely physically attractive to me (except for the fact that he has a tattoo on one arm, but not the other, so he's asymmetrical (why would you ruin perfection like that?!)), but even if I try as hard as I can, I just can't imagine him in a sexual way. We only have one mutual friend (a male), and so I'm pretty sure he hasn't dated anyone I know. I think the reason why is because the only thing he has ever said to me was, "You were a poker dealer? That's cool." Although looking at his Facebook page, it turns out that he also worked at the same casino, so maybe we do have more to talk about with each other than I thought. And he's a pretty big nerd. Hmmm, brb...

Can't be someone I hate

Another self-explanatory one. Although I find it strange that some guys I have asked said that they could have sex with someone they hated. Personally, I feel like sexy time is happy time, and it shouldn't be interrupted by angry thoughts caused by someone you hate. Oddly, I think I could have sex with someone who hated me. Maybe that's part of my people pleaser personality, and that maybe if I slept with them, they might like me more?

There are very few guys that I know that I haven't already slept with who I fantasize about. The main reason is, these are people that I see, and I find it very hard to look them in the eyes knowing that I pictured them naked with my mouth around their cock not too long ago. For me, it doesn't just end after orgasm. There is that guilty memory of what I just did which lingers after it's over. If I end up seeing that person not long afterwards, then I feel a compulsion to apologise, but can't bring myself to do it because it would admit that I had used them as a sexual object, which seems like a horrible thing to do.

It's hard for me to just ignore the fact that the person is my friend. I feel like I am violating them by using them without their consent like that. I think I could probably do it if I had their consent, but then that brings the problem of getting that consent in the first place. "Hi, I find you attractive, and you are not currently dating, nor have not dated, a friend of mine. Plus, I also think you are intellectually stimulating and I don't hate you. However, I am in a serious relationship, and I'd never actually have sex with you, but are you OK with the idea that at some point in the future, I would like to masturbate to you?" Yeah... I can't imagine anyone wouldn't find that creepy, much less than agree to it.

Overall, I find it so much easier to just go online, find a picture or video that some random you'll never meet has uploaded and get your rocks off without having to ever worry about any rules or post-orgasm awkwardness.