Over the course of my uni (and gaming) career, I got to know a lot of guys, mostly of the geeky persuasion, and I also got to hear a wishlist of features that many wished their girlfriends had: like to play games, like sci-fi, like fantasy, like paper and pen roleplaying games, like wargames, like eating junk food, etc. In the deepest times of loneliness, I often wondered, if they wanted those things, and I had those things, why did they never want me? I was pretty much a niche product for that market, but I had so few buyers. What was wrong with me?
A few days ago, I came across this comment in response to the question, "What is the female equivalent of a neckbeard?":
As soon as I read that, I thought, "Wow, that's me." (except the part about reading ASoIaF before the show, I'm one of the late adopters). Tangent: I never knew being "one of the guys" was a thing until I was dating RB. He added me into a group conversation with a friend of his from high school, and that friend ended up adding me as a contact. He messaged me saying, "Don't worry, I'll never hit on you, you're just one of the guys to me." I think that was the first time I had knowingly been friendzoned.
I'm a female neckbeard. Ignoring all that "m'lady" and fedora rubbish often associated with neckbeards, the part that makes me worried is how neckbeards often act courteously towards women, and feel that that alone is enough to make them feel entitled to reciprocal romantic feelings from those women. Then get upset when those feelings never manifest. I think I was the same - I thought I had all the qualities that they seemed to want, and so I should have been entitled to male attention.
What some of the other comments in that thread touched on were how these female neckbeards often unkempt, had no hygiene, had a misguided notion of how physically attractive they are - but they thought that as long as they had those Not-Like-Those-Other-Girls qualities, it would be enough. I can definitely associate with that. I remember thinking that surely it would be better to stay up and fit in another game of Dota rather than go to bed early in order to have enough time to do hair and make-up in the morning. Now I think it's more important to be more balanced. I'm not so delusional as to think that appearance isn't important anymore.
I've also realised that they're not mutually exclusive. Just because I want to be good at gaming doesn't mean that I shouldn't take care of myself. I do feel better now that I've been taking better care of myself physically. And I don't know if it's the virus talking, but lying in bed, I realised I really need a new wardrobe. I think I should be dressing my age, or at least more mature - especially as I can wear casual at work every day now, but not everyone in the office is doing it, so I tend to look a bit out of place. My boss introduced me to someone that I might some day want to work for, but I was dressed in jeans, T-shirt and a hoodie. He was wearing a suit. I don't think I gave off a very good impression.
My new self-improvement goal is to push myself into wearing something outside my comfort zone. Here is the plan:
Month-1: Buy new clothes.
Month-2: Once new clothes have been acquired, find a friend who is willing to hold on to my old clothes. This is so I don't relapse into wearing my old clothes.
Months 2-5: Continue wearing new clothes
After 5 months, I want to see if I feel comfortable enough in the new clothes. I met a new friend who is willing to go through this whole thing with me. We are even going to learn to wear heels together! I feel really excited about my new project. :D Hopefully this will be an end to NeckbeardFodder.
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