Emerging Emos

I read an article a while ago (I can't remember where it was) about how people are using social networking sites as a way to get attention from their peers. A girl changes her Facebook status to "hates her mother" and then comments start flooding in asking about the reasons and offering sympathy. I'm also guilty of having written a few emo blog posts. It makes me wonder why people like that get so much attention. Graham is always telling me about how people like to hang out with happy people, so why do people like that get so much attention? Not only that, but if most people engage in that type of behaviour, why are emos seen as the lowest form of society and mocked by everyone?

Something that happened in #see (the IRC channel for the gaming club at uni) when I wasn't there, but I'm told that someone was being emo which triggered a response from most of the people in the channel trying to comfort him. The next day, someone joined the channel and asked how the first person was doing (he wasn't in the channel). This started more talk about what went on the night before, for people like me who missed the action. Finally, the people who were there at the start started complaining that #see is a channel for gaming, not emos. A lot of the time, #see ends up being a soap opera with all the self-indulgent drama that goes on in there. I miss the old #see where people actually talked about gaming, but I digress.

I thought at first that the reason for this is that people just wanted someone to talk to about stuff, and that it didn't really matter who, as on IRC you can't really tell who is there and who is lurking. So I started joining the channel #emo, and said that anyone who wants to rant about stuff can do it in there, because the only people that'll be there are the people who want to rant, and the people who are happy to listen. The channel was a failure. It was mostly used for talking to me when I wasn't in #see (I banned myself for linking a sexually explicit picture of an old man and a fake penis) and the most use it got was last night:

[00:41] * Now talking in #emo
[00:41] * Topic is '#emo :: we /wrists'
[00:41] * Set by Autofix on Wed Aug 27 17:05:56
[01:47] * KamikazeKame (jedi_amara@just.say.yes) has joined #emo
[01:47] <KamikazeKame> !wristcut
[01:48] * Mattimeo (mattimeo@stupid.talking.mice) has joined #emo
[01:49] <~Autoupdate> try !wrist
[01:49] <|Lurking> !wrist
[01:49] * ~Autoupdate sees |Lurking /wrists
[01:49] <~Autoupdate> yay
[01:49] <~Autoupdate> kind of
[01:50] <KamikazeKame> !wrist
[01:50] * ~Autoupdate sees KamikazeKame /wrists
[02:02] * Autoupdate is now known as Autofix
[02:02] * Autofix is now known as Emofix
[02:03] * Emofix changes topic to '#emo :: we /wrists :: use !wrists if you feel the need'
[03:39] * Rangers (ranG3l2s@7AB97512.15165CFF.839ADDB2.IP) has joined #emo
[03:39] <Rangers> zomg
[03:39] <Rangers> wtf is dis crap

So nobody is using #emo for emo-ing, yet people are still doing it in #see. So it seems like it's not just about expressing yourself, you have to do it where there are people to see it. I don't know if this applies to the "emo" culture, but it seems to be that if being emo is about expressing yourself, regardless of what the rest of society says, why do they care whether people notice them or not?

To be honest, the entire emo thing confuses me. I don't see how group hugs and body piercings can make you feel better or express yourself better. Maybe if I got my brain pierced, I'd find out what all the fuss is about...

ItalianFodder

Lately, I've been getting into some arguments and trying to argue my point of view. The problem is, these arguments tend to become X vs. Y, and I'm more interested in arguing what I believe is right rather than taking sides. The problem arises when both sides have good arguments, and I want to point out things for either side. I do it because I think it's important to consider both arguments before making a decision, but the trouble is, I think people are starting to get the impression that I'm just sitting on the fence, or siding with whoever happens to be winning at any given time. That makes me lose credibility and then people don't listen to what I have to say which defeats the point of trying to point things out in the first place.

Also, sometimes I feel that I'm arguing for the sake of loyalty rather than because I actually believe something. There was an argument a few days back, that I wasn't a part of, but that I heard about from other people recently. A friend of mine was being bagged out, so I felt that I should defend them, even though I didn't quite agree with their point of view. I could see why they did what they did, but I think the choice of action was a bit overboard, so instead of trying to argue what I felt was right, I tried to find a compromise which makes me feel a little uncomfortable, because it doesn't resolve the issue at hand, and is really just putting it off for another day where it blows up in our faces. We've had that issue in the past, and again, the solution was to just sweep it under the carpet and hope nobody trips over it.

Unfortunately, that problem has been cropping up quite a lot lately, and many people have complained about it. I've tried being objective, but I don't think I can do it any more because I've been too heavily involved in defending my friend that I'm not seeing the facts for what they are, and I know that if I were to argue for the other side, my friend would be hurt and feel betrayed. While I want to avoid that, the utilitarian in me also wants to appease the many people that have been complaining, as the happiness of many is greater than the happiness of one from that point of view, but what they don't realise is how much this one person does for them.

On the other hand, this one person doesn't realise how much these people do for them either. I feel like I'm caught in the middle, and soon both parties will hate me for siding with the other. Although, maybe that's for the best, because I really don't like arguing until the early morning about things because I haven't had more than 5 hours of sleep a night for a very long time. No wonder why nobody likes the neutral countries.

Anniversary

Wow, it seems Rainlendar failed me, as it didn't remind me of the 2 year anniversary of my live spaces blog, despite the fact that I set it to remind me yearly, so I missed my 2 year anniversary (which was on the 7th of June, by the way)! What I did last year was count all the mentions in that year, and see who was mentioned the most, but I really don't have time to do that right now, but I'll do it when I have a bit more time. T_T

Another anniversary that I recently found out was coming up is the 6 month anniversary for me and MrMan5.5. The funny thing is, one of the things I was dreading about dating MrMan5.5 is having to go through all the anniversary stuff, but I wanted him to get the "full boyfriend experience", and I figured that was an important part of that, so for our first month anniversary, we went and got burgers from Hungry Jacks (the plan was to go and have a picnic, but I don't remember why we didn't do that, probably because it was too cold). Later I found out that he wasn't too keen on the anniversary thing either, and the only reason he did it was because his mum told him that's what girls like to do.

I still think anniversaries are overrated (except birthdays, which are awesome), but I realised that anniversaries do mean one awesome thing - going out to get food to eat! Forget chocolates, flowers, jewellery, poems or serenades, just let me eat a huge plate of yummy food and I'll be happy!

I'm not blogging just to because I'm surprised we've been together for so long, I just wanted to mention that when I was going to write a note in my diary about the anniversary dinner, I realised I already had this written there:

"QCN Crotch Day"

Awww, how romantic.

I Don't Care

Recently, a friend of mine was upset that she couldn't finish a game of minesweeper while she was upset about something else. For some reason, I find that the reverse tends to happen when I'm upset, and my ability to play Freecell suddenly skyrockets. I tend to get longer winning streaks when I'm upset than when I'm happy. I thought that was strange, but then Pandy told me about how he went into a job interview for a job that he didn't really want. He said that he didn't really care about the interview (other than this hot chick that was there), and so the entire time, he was just really relaxed. Judging from the response from the company (he got offered a job), he said that he thinks he performed better on that interview than on the ones for companies he did care about. MrMan5.5 told me of a time he played table tennis while drunk, and he managed to do so many awesome shots because he didn't really care whether they landed in or not, he just hit it. Plus, there is the whole drunken gaming thing, where you play better because you're drunk and you're too far gone to care whether you win or not (although there is a threshold, because if you're too far gone to even know where the mouse/controller is, that's not very good...).

I guess in a weird way, that makes sense, as when you really want something, you get so focused on performing well that you give off this air of trying too hard. Or you have a prepared list of things you want to say in the interview, and you try and fit as many of those things in during the interview process that you end up answering the questions you think is asked rather than what the actual question was.

"So, tell me a little about yourself."

"Well, first of all, I really, really want this job. It has been my dream since I was just a little girl. Everything that has happened in my life so far has lead me to this job and I can't imagine anything other than getting this job."

"Er.... OK. So what things do you like to do in your spare time?"

"I don't have any. All of my time is dedicated to working towards this job."

"And your social life?"

"I DON'T HAVE A LIFE OUTSIDE THIS JOB!"


While that sounds all well and good, how can you go about not caring when you do care? Or how do you not care, but care enough to make them think that you care?

I've never really bothered applying for vacation work, because my grades are terrible, and I figure my chances of getting anything are so low that it's not even worth the time it takes to fill in the application, but Super Chris said that that's just one of the weeding processes those programs have, as people who can't even be bothered applying definitely aren't worth hiring. Though he might just have said that to make me feel better. >_>

My major problem with the entire process is how much of it is based on face value. I know that it's impossible for recruiters to meet and get to know every single person that applies, but listening to some of the stories I've heard from people who have gone through the process, it seems like it's all about saying as much crap as you possibly can with a straight face, and making them believe you. A guy I know from uni lied to an interviewer about all the things he did as part of a club. When he was drunk at a friend's 21st, he was listing a whole bunch of things he claimed were true, and he told me that if I wanted to get a job, all I had to do was make up a whole lot of stories that weren't easy to verify, and convince the interviewer that it was true.

The thing is, I just can't lie like that. I don't like the idea that I was accepted under false pretences. Though from what people have been telling me, that is how you separate yourself from the rest of the pack, and if everyone does it, all you're really doing is levelling the playing field. Then again, a representative from Deloitte was telling us about how a girl lied about being able to speak French, and when she was put with a French-speaking partner, it was revealed that she wasn't able to speak it at all.

There's a battle between my principles, and my desire to get a job. Although I am an arts student (finally doing a proper "arts" subject), even I know that principles don't feed you or pay for a roof above your head, and that eventually I'll have to get a job as I don't want to be living at home forever. Still, I don't think I can bring myself to lie about my life just to get a job. I know it sounds idealistic, and that I'll probably end up doing data entry or something, but right now, I don't care.

Bloated

I'm so fat that...

... if the people of China were to lie head to toe, they wouldn't make it around the size of my waist.

... when I jumped for joy, my feet didn't leave the ground.

... a dinosaur took residence inside my body and was excited about how spacious it is.

... a mathematician and an architect tried to draw up a blueprint of my insides and ran out of numbers while trying to measure the length of one wall.

... the force of my jumping into the Pacific ocean is enough to displace all of the water in it.

... A'Tuin walked over my tummy once, and I didn't even notice it was there.

... my BMI is larger than the number of bits Google stores.

... they sent me to the moon once, to try and get me to lose some weight (there's no food on the moon T_T), but all I did was create a whole bunch of craters.



If anyone is wondering what inspired this, I ate a medium pounder (a double quarter pounder with two extra patties and no cheese) meal from McDonald's on Tuesday and still haven't recovered. My body is so full of oil. T_T

Sticks

In this week's I&T lecture, we discovered a wonderful thing. A stick on the ground is a stick on the ground, but if it's in someone's hand, then it's a stick in a hand! He was trying to say that a stick on the ground is just nature, but a stick in someone's hand is technology. Not only that, but if you have a person with no stick, and you give them a stick, suddenly they become a person with a stick! This might seem clear, but the lecturer felt that this was so important, that he talked about it for at least 15 minutes. I fell asleep during the lecture, and when I woke up, he was still talking about the stick on the ground vs. in the hand. =/ Gg, arts.

There is an essay due for this subject next week, and I have no idea what I'm going to write for it. T_T

So now MrMan5.5 and I are sitting in my I&T seminar, listening to arts students talk arty stuff. Although, he wanted to take part in the discussion. ~_~ He claims it's only to bag the arts students, but I think he's secretly an arts student in disguise as a computer scientist.

Pandy came up with an idea to make the I&T lectures more entertaining. He wants to drag Charles along, and start a drinking game. Whenever Charles bags the subject, goes "WTF?!" or laughs hysterically, you have to take a drink. Anyone who is free between 2:15 and 3:15 on a Tuesday want to join in? ^_^

Being the productive people we are, the result of today's I&T seminar was this:

Food

Urgh, I never want to eat food again.

I Don't Want Fries With That

Sitting in my I&T seminar today, I realised after four and a half years of university that I'm not cut out to be an arts student. The seminar was a bit like a tutorial-lecture, where the lecturer stood at the front, talked about stuff, and asked us questions, then kept talking. Luckily there were computers. Unluckily, they had those Mac Wireless keyboards that our university seems to love, and that I seem to have a penchant for making them stop responding. So 5 minutes into the tute, I realised that the keyboard wasn't working and the computer didn't have Freecell on it (nor an on-screen keyboard). I was screwed...

It wasn't the discussion that was so bad, the topic was interesting (what is intimacy, how can you be intimate with someone, what is it that you share with someone that makes your relationship intimate?, etc), it was more the people in the discussion. I apologise in advance for playing to stereotypes, but these people were so much like their stereotypes that I can't help myself

OK, so the first contestant was your typical fat girl who has nothing better to do than actually read the reading material. That would be me, only I get distracted too easily by Freecell. Anyway, having read the reading material assigned for the class, she believed this made her the leading authority on everything that happened in the class. It just seemed like she had an opinion on anything anybody said, regardless of whether it made sense or not, and she had to make sure everyone knew her opinion.

On to contestant number 2. The over-enthusiastic pot head. Well, I don't know if pot head is the right term, because I think they're supposed to be stoned all the time, and I don't know how stoned people can be over-enthusiastic, but he must have been on something. He nodded to what the other people were saying, offered his life-story, and was in general really caring and nurturing to other people - so much so that I wanted to slap him in the face, and he was sitting next to me, which made it worse.

Stereotype number 3 was the "I'm so in love with my boyfriend, I want everyone else to know about him and will talk about him at every opportunity" girl. Not that I'm jealous or anything, since I have the wonderful MrMan5.5 who gives me colds and bags of dog poop, but it just seemed over the top. So many of her examples were just long and boring stories about her current boy.

Needless to say, I was bored about 15 minuets into this seminar. The entire time I was reminded of that Facebook group "Put your hand down in lecture and shut up. Nobody cares." I wanted to get into Informatics 1 (first year "programming" subject), but I couldn't because I'm doing a double degree. =( I was supposed to look for another subject to do, but got distracted by other stuff today. I fail. I don't know if I can stand a semester of I&T and proper arts students.

As the keyboard was broken during the seminar, I spent most of it making a comic using pictures I found with Google by copy+pasting letters I could find on the page into the Google search box. I need to do a new subject! T_T

Speech Time

I haven't really done a post 21st + 1 and a third yet, mostly because it was the reason I was so emo, but I feel a bit like I should get it all out of my system so it's not just festering in there waiting to build up. Also, thanks to Vidya (I invited Scott, and thought he'd bring you along, I don't have your contact details, although I do have you on facebook now. ^_^) and Darren (we really should catch up sometime, but I'll try to organise something, as you always get stuck with that crappy job. You'll have to forward stuff though, as I don't have some people's contact details) for not showing up. =)

First, I should mention that GP and QCN sang "Still Alive" when we had the cakes out, which was cool (although when GP reminded me of it later, I thought he said "Stayin' Alive" and couldn't remember him singing that at all, which made me wonder if I had had too much to drink that night).

It was also good of Kalg to come along, even though he was staying in Geelong at the time, and I'm glad the WoW people came along, as MrMan5.5 got to meet them (although I once again failed to introduce him to Korsair). Most of my time was spent making brief conversations with people, giving people wrist bands and directing strangers to the party that was in the back room of the bar, which was unfortunate, because it meant I wasn't able to really talk to anyone until later in the night when most people had left.

I got some pretty cool presents including the first two seasons of Stargate SG-1 and a cool pendulum clock. Aunty Helen and Uncle Raymond gave me a book about a ex-teacher turned stalker. How apt. @_@ I also got Guitar Hero for the DS which my sisters are currently playing through, although I predict they will get RSI pretty soon.

For me, the most important part of 21sts is the speeches. It's pretty much the one time in your life where people are going to talk about you, and you'll be alive to hear it (the other time would be at your funeral where you don't even get a chance to defend yourself). I asked a few groups of people to give speeches, Amanda and Anjelica, Sharon and Graham and MrMan5.5 and QCN. I had actually asked the first 4 at the time of my actual 21st to give a speech and they agreed, so I figured they would have something one and a third years later. That turned out not to be the case.

A couple of weeks before my 21st + 1 and a third, I asked MrMan5.5 if he had anything prepared for my speech. He told me that he was going to wing it. I think that's when the entire thing clicked. The six people who know me better than anyone weren't even able to come up with a minute's worth of things to say about me. In the end, MrMan5.5 and QCN gave a speech along the lines of, "Anna is an awesome person, I'm really glad that I met her."

Is my life really so devoid of content that nobody can think of anything to say about me? They say that when you die, you live on in other's people's memories of you, but if that's the case, then I guess when I die, I'm just going to die, because nobody will have any memory of me.

Anyway, I thought that I could write the speech that I had planned to make, but didn't on the night, as soon after finding out nobody had a speech prepared other than me, I found I had lost the celebratory feeling.

Thank you everybody for coming tonight, it means a lot to me that you were able to come - even at such short notice. You might be wondering why I bothered with a 21st even though I'm not 22. I thought about it, and realised that it's very fitting that I celebrate my 22nd rather than my 21st, as so many things in my life have come in 2s.

I went to two different primary schools (St. Mary's Catholic School and Errol St. Primary School), I went to two high schools (if you count the time we were shipped off to Maribyrnong S.C. for half a year after they discovered asbestos in our main school building and had to remove it), and now I'm studying two degrees at university.

I have two incredible parents. My mum who has always put up with everything I've wanted to do and been my personal taxi driver for so many years. Who encouraged me to do so many different things: piano, karate, tennis, swimming, girl guides, chess. Who still makes sure that I go to bed every night, rather than staying all night playing World of Warcraft or watching TV shows. My dad who introduced me to the awesomeness that is The Legend of Zelda series. Who is always happy to sit and watch me play a game, offering suggestions and telling me when I'm being an idiot. Who helped me learn all the different fruits and vegetables I'm required to know for work, and who is always there to provide and endless supply of dad jokes, and problems with the computer that only he manages to find.

I have two awesome brothers (if you count Ric-niisan, my brother in name, rather than blood). Alex, who shared most of my childhood interests - from Samurai Pizza Cats to Power Rangers to Pokémon. Who was always there as someone I could play games with - and even though he was (and still is) always better than me, he gave me something to aim towards. Ric-niisan, who kept me awake in lectures - when he bothered to show up to them. Who helped me with mysterious things in Python that stopped my code from working, and who always reminds me to eat waffles.

Rather than me talking all night, I'm going to let three other groups of two say some hopefully nice stuff about me.

(let my sisters talk)

(let Sharon and Graham talk)

(let QCN and MrMan5.5 talk)


Well, that's how it would have worked out ideally, but oh well. It was nice that TS showed up at least. Plus, now I never have to have another 21st, and if someone is going to poke me into having a 50th, well, let's hope that I'm dead by then, or they are.