Once again, the topic of platonic relationships between a male and a female has resurfaced, and I'm glad to say that it doesn't involve me, so I can say whatever I want! Char wrote a blog post about it in the past, but it has since been deleted, and I can't remember what it said, so I'm going to start anew.
I find it so strange that even as adults, there seems to be this strange assumption that whenever one male and one female are doing something together, they are a couple. Gone are the kindergarten and primary school days where the girls played in one area, and the boys played in another. Now that the Internet allows pretty much anyone to talk to anyone else, it makes sense that males and females are getting to know each other better, and become closer friends.
But just because you are friends doesn't mean that you are romantically attracted to each other. As an example, I made many male friends through the chess club, but MrMan5 was the only one I was attracted to, so that's a hit rate of about 10% - pretty poor! So you should at least only assume people are a couple 10% of the time based on that...
Though I think what Char was questioning was whether a male and a female can be close friends, and just be friends. Off the top of my head, I can think of plenty of males who I am just friends with, and at least four who I feel like I am close friends with.
I think the first thing you should look at is circumstance. Are one or both of them in a happy(-ish) relationship? I've found that being in a relationship makes you less likely to be on the look-out for a partner (though I'm sure that doesn't speak for everyone, as I found out there are now things like discrete dating sites). Not wanting to be a home-wrecker is also a pretty good deterrent (most of the time....).
Another important factor is the nature of the relationship. Are they just members of the same sports team, or is it at the level of being each other's confidante? I think the latter is falling into dangerous territory. This may differ for other people, but to me, being able to confide in each other is the ultimate level of intimacy. All of the people I have been attracted to are people that I have felt like I could talk to. And of the people I enjoy discussing things with now, I think it was due to circumstance that nothing ever happened. There's a really funny story that I would like to tell here, but I'm afraid it might cause a problem with someone I consider a good friend, so you can just imagine I told it and laugh.
This is probably going to sound a bit self-helpy, but I think that people are breaking down the traditional gender barriers, and trying to get to know the other side a bit more. The downside to this is that I think the dating game is getting a bit more blurred. Asking someone out to coffee doesn't necessarily carry the same, "THIS IS A DATE!" banner on it anymore. So for people who are a bit more shy, it requires being a bit more specific when asking someone out, lest you end up agonising over whether your "date" was actually a date, followed by the awkwardness of trying to find out whether the other person thought it was a date or not. Someone at work asked me to join him for coffee, then he asked me to join him for drinks. I was getting suspicious and about to pull out the whole, "I have a boyfriend thing" when Person explained to me that this guy spends a lot of time promoting a club, so he is always trying to convince people to go there with him. Person thinks he might have a share in it or something. Could have been really embarrassing.
I think it's entirely possible for a male and a female to be in a platonic relationship, and I encourage it. It is so hard to find people that you get along well with, and I think it's stupid to not consider someone because of their gender. But I guess if one person is already in a relationship, it depends on the level of trust between them and their partner. It might not be worth it if you have to deal with the increased paranoia from your partner ("Why were you 10 minutes late?!" "We got stuck in traffic." "Suuuuuuuure you did." *no sex for you*).
No comments:
Post a Comment