Lately, I've been getting into some arguments and trying to argue my point of view. The problem is, these arguments tend to become X vs. Y, and I'm more interested in arguing what I believe is right rather than taking sides. The problem arises when both sides have good arguments, and I want to point out things for either side. I do it because I think it's important to consider both arguments before making a decision, but the trouble is, I think people are starting to get the impression that I'm just sitting on the fence, or siding with whoever happens to be winning at any given time. That makes me lose credibility and then people don't listen to what I have to say which defeats the point of trying to point things out in the first place.
Also, sometimes I feel that I'm arguing for the sake of loyalty rather than because I actually believe something. There was an argument a few days back, that I wasn't a part of, but that I heard about from other people recently. A friend of mine was being bagged out, so I felt that I should defend them, even though I didn't quite agree with their point of view. I could see why they did what they did, but I think the choice of action was a bit overboard, so instead of trying to argue what I felt was right, I tried to find a compromise which makes me feel a little uncomfortable, because it doesn't resolve the issue at hand, and is really just putting it off for another day where it blows up in our faces. We've had that issue in the past, and again, the solution was to just sweep it under the carpet and hope nobody trips over it.
Unfortunately, that problem has been cropping up quite a lot lately, and many people have complained about it. I've tried being objective, but I don't think I can do it any more because I've been too heavily involved in defending my friend that I'm not seeing the facts for what they are, and I know that if I were to argue for the other side, my friend would be hurt and feel betrayed. While I want to avoid that, the utilitarian in me also wants to appease the many people that have been complaining, as the happiness of many is greater than the happiness of one from that point of view, but what they don't realise is how much this one person does for them.
On the other hand, this one person doesn't realise how much these people do for them either. I feel like I'm caught in the middle, and soon both parties will hate me for siding with the other. Although, maybe that's for the best, because I really don't like arguing until the early morning about things because I haven't had more than 5 hours of sleep a night for a very long time. No wonder why nobody likes the neutral countries.
Also, sometimes I feel that I'm arguing for the sake of loyalty rather than because I actually believe something. There was an argument a few days back, that I wasn't a part of, but that I heard about from other people recently. A friend of mine was being bagged out, so I felt that I should defend them, even though I didn't quite agree with their point of view. I could see why they did what they did, but I think the choice of action was a bit overboard, so instead of trying to argue what I felt was right, I tried to find a compromise which makes me feel a little uncomfortable, because it doesn't resolve the issue at hand, and is really just putting it off for another day where it blows up in our faces. We've had that issue in the past, and again, the solution was to just sweep it under the carpet and hope nobody trips over it.
Unfortunately, that problem has been cropping up quite a lot lately, and many people have complained about it. I've tried being objective, but I don't think I can do it any more because I've been too heavily involved in defending my friend that I'm not seeing the facts for what they are, and I know that if I were to argue for the other side, my friend would be hurt and feel betrayed. While I want to avoid that, the utilitarian in me also wants to appease the many people that have been complaining, as the happiness of many is greater than the happiness of one from that point of view, but what they don't realise is how much this one person does for them.
On the other hand, this one person doesn't realise how much these people do for them either. I feel like I'm caught in the middle, and soon both parties will hate me for siding with the other. Although, maybe that's for the best, because I really don't like arguing until the early morning about things because I haven't had more than 5 hours of sleep a night for a very long time. No wonder why nobody likes the neutral countries.
2 comments:
It doesn't help that you've starting playing a few rounds of dota after midnight, before you then start an assignment that's due on the same day.
The problem with arguing on both sides is that usually it doesn't work unless you tell people before hand that you're gong to argue for what you believe is right over taking sides, otherwise people get a tad confused at exactly what your point is.
In terms of arguing for this person part of the problem is, like as you've said, nothing changes if you just defend them out of loyalty. In these cases it's usually best to just stick by what you actually feel.
Part of being a close friend to this person is that you should be able to tell them that they do things that annoy you or other people, and they shouldn't feel offended or betrayed, after all, regardless of that, you're still the person's friend. The problem is when the friend in question isn't mature enough to understand this, but from what you've already told this person about certain issues, I don't think that should be an issue.
This was a confusing post to read.
I think often trying to appease as many people as possible is a silly goal. People who are happy but undecided will just be frustrated again later. Pushing an opinion for one side or another has an immediate benefit in terms of getting things decided at the cost of some people not being happy for a little while.
But then again, I would say something like that - we all know I can be a bit forceful and over the top sometimes :P
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