Schrödinger's Friend Zone

Recently, a friend of mine decided he was going to stop talking to a mutual friend of ours. It came as a bit of a shock to me, as I always thought there was something between the two. They would always comment on each others' Facebook statuses, and they kept inviting each other to things involving friendship groups that didn't overlap. E.g. I'd have dinner with a group of my friends including Friend A, and all of a sudden, he would start inviting Friend B, even though she didn't know anyone else there other than the two of us. I even asked Friend A how he felt about Friend B, but he was very vague, and unwilling to say commit to having or not having feelings for Friend B.

(The following sequence of events is only the story from the point of view of Friend A, so keep that bias in mind.)

Not too long ago, Friend A asks Friend B whether she wants to hang out together one night. Friend B says she is busy and says she only does group catch-ups. Friend A is confused, but suggests having dinner one night with a few other friends as well. Friend B says she caught him out, and that he only said that afterwards (implying that he only wanted to have dinner with her, like a date).

He said that wasn't the reason he changed it to a dinner with friends, and she replies saying that she isn't actually interested in him, and he replies with the same. Now it seems they are not speaking with each other.

Schrödinger's Friend Zone is probably not an accurate description of this effect, but I was thinking, what happens when you are mutually friend zoned? How can this happen? Well, I think one way is when two people are each other's Plan Bs. Similar to the pact between Julia Roberts' character and Dermot Mulroney's character in My Best Friend's Wedding - if neither of us is married by 30, we marry each other. Two people who enjoy each other's company enough to be able to spend a lot of time together, but not enough that they are still looking for "The One" elsewhere.

The biggest problem here, is the balance of power. As long as both people are happy to stay like this, then it serves as an ego boost for both of them - the thought that there is someone out there who loves them (at least, as far as they can tell) is a comfort, and reduces the pressure of finding a partner. However, as time goes by, each person start to wonder more and more whether they will actually find someone.

If one person reaches the point of falling back on Plan B before the other, then the power shifts towards the person who is still hopeful of finding a partner elsewhere. If that person is willing to fall on Plan B as well, then all is good, but if not, then it's something that is likely to break a good friendship (as in the case above).

The entire thing hinges on whether or not the feelings are reciprocated remains an unknown. Once that box has been opened, both people are clear where they stand, and so the possibility of the other person being a Plan B is removed (unless that person still holds on to the hope that the other one will change their mind, which is normal for a period of time, but I think it's healthy to move on after they have shown that there is no possibility of it happening - basically turning it into a one-way friend zone).

I think a lot of people have Schrödinger's Friend Zones without even realising it, and it's always an unfortunate moment when they disintegrate. Or, if you are big-headed like I am, you get into near-Schrödinger's Friend Zone disintegration moments, where someone asks you to coffee or cocktails, and you mistakenly believe they are trying to ask you out, but it turns out that they are just promoting a bar. ~_~

(Disclaimer: It's not that I think Friends A and B are like this, this is just what it made me think of.)

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Current weight: 65.5kg