So in a weird, imaginary conversation with my "muse", I was reminded of the people in my past that I have been romantically tied with. Now that I'm engaged, I thought about revisiting those relationships.
YN was my second major high school crush. Now that I think about it, I'm not entirely sure what we had in common. He did mention playing Starcraft in passing, and he played Warcraft 3. It probably didn't hurt that between Year 7 and Year 11, he grew really buff, and I thought he looked really good! (Though he did come over and play a game of Starcraft, and in the few bits that I saw him play, I'm pretty sure my dad would have owned him.)
I think it was a bit of a juvenile romance. I don't think I ever gave him any traditional signals that I liked him, my method involved stealing his calculator and programming it with things to help with differentiation (it's so romantic, I know). At the end of Year 11, I organised a Kris Kringle. I can't remember if I cheated or not, but I ended up getting him. I had no idea what to get him, nothing seemed good enough. In the end, I settled for getting him a box of cards with "100 things to do before you die". I wrote him a letter where I basically told him how I felt, but that in the interest of wanting to work hard in Year 12 (LOL), it would be better if he pretended it didn't happen. Then I mailed it to him because I was too afraid to give it to him in person (I had this amazing idea in Year 10 where I started the "Idiot's Convention" and it was an easy way for me to get people's contact details).
Year 12 was not that big a deal, I was mostly interested in chess and badminton at the time, and I think that took my mind off YN and whether he actually received his present. Towards the end of the year, Tu asked me to accompany her to see the university she wanted to go to out in Whoop Whoop, and we missed our train back, so I was running late for my first ever chess tournament. Mum told me someone sent me a letter, and I grabbed it on the way to the chess club. I was half-running (being the super unfit person I will probably always be) when I smelled something distinctive. It smelled like YN. The letter had no return address, so I opened it, and sure enough, it was from him.
His letter mirrored mine, and he revealed that he also had feelings for me, but because I had asked him not to say anything so we could focus on our studies, he kept quiet for the whole year. It came as a total surprise to me. I honestly don't think I had any redeeming qualities in high school. I was a mean, arrogant know-it-all. The kid who just has to point out that the teacher missed an apostrophe. I wasn't one of the pretty girls, and I think the fact that I was spending a lot of time thinking about Perfect Dark was the beginning of my descent into gamerhood.
I was so happy. I made it to the game on time, and managed to beat someone who is a far better player than I will ever be. It was like all the pieces fell into place. Harsh as it is, I think that chess game was the best thing to come out of the "relationship".
We did a few things together: saw "The Last Samurai", he tried to teach me to play soccer, he called me on New Year's Eve and we talked for a while. I think with both of us starting at different universities, and making lots of new friends, we didn't really have time for each other. Not to mention the fact that he moved to somewhere really far away and neither of us could drive or even had a car.
Still, it seemed like we wanted to keep it going, seeing as neither of us ended it (or maybe at this point he didn't even care enough, but I'll never know). So when I won tickets to Sony's screening of Resident Evil, I invited him to come with me. I waited outside the cinema right up until they were about to start the movie, but he never showed. When I finally managed to get in contact with him again, he told me that he had forgotten about it. That's when I decided it was over. I don't remember exactly how I phrased it, but he replied, "Are you giving up on me?" That one question has stuck with me ever since. I don't understand why he asked it.
I never even got the chance to ask him, as our net connection chose that moment to die (yes, I did this over MSN). I could have called him, but I was too angry (nothing good ever seems to happen when I'm angry).
What I learned about myself: I consider a boyfriend someone who I interact with more than once every two months.
(I looked him up on Facebook. It seems he is now married and the photos seem to indicate that he has one kid. So at least I didn't completely mess him up.)
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