Eyjafjoellfodder

I've finally caught up to the latest posts in A Bad Case of the Dates, and a lot of the dates on the site seem to involve a date that is going perfectly fine, and then the other person (for reasons unknown to the submitter) has a complete personality transformation - usually where they become incredibly angry over what should be a minor thing. There is usually at least one commenter who says, "Bullet dodged" in reply to those dates, which I normally agree with, only I realised I do the same thing to MrMan5.5. I don't think I'm a bad girlfriend, well, occasionally I am, but overall, I think I'm doing OK.

First of all, what is a bad girlfriend? It's something I've asked before, and I never really worked out an answer. Based on movie and TV show characters, who are the girlfriends everyone loves to hate? They typically have characteristics like:

• is controlling
• nags a lot
• complains about everything
• talks about things their partner isn't interested in
• ignores their partner's wants and needs

While everyone has their own preferences, these are some of the things I think make a bad girlfriend. However, I'm guilty of all of these things: I set rules for opening Christmas presents, I nag about doing the laundry, I complain about work and bad games of HoN, I talk about things like Stargate that MrMan5.5 hasn't seen and doesn't care to see, and I regularly play HoN for hours at a time and completely forget that MrMan5.5 said he wants to join the next game and queue without him.

I don't want to be a bad girlfriend, and I don't think MrMan5.5 currently thinks I am a bad girlfriend, which hopefully will remain the case for the rest of our relationship. So occasionally, I will catch myself about to nag MrMan5.5 about the laundry and stop myself. Then I give myself a congratulatory pat on the back for not being a bad girlfriend. Everything is good!

But a couple of days pass, and the laundry does not get done because he is too busy playing Skyrim. We need to cook something for dinner, but there is nothing in the fridge. MrMan5.5 is tired, so I say that I will go (I am such a good girlfriend, after all). I go to get changed, but the only clean pants I have left are my uncomfortable work pants - so it's either that, or my bright pink, Hello Kitty pajama pants. I decide if I put on a long coat it will cover most of my pants, nobody will look at them anyway.

Of course, on the way to the supermarket, every passing driver is staring at me, and every pedestrian is laughing at me behind my back - so it is a very embarrassing walk to the supermarket, a very embarrassing walk through the supermarket, a very embarrassing wait at the checkout, and a very embarrassing walk home. Why hasn't he done the laundry? All he needs to do is chuck some clothes in the washing machine and turn it on. IT'S NOT HARD!


This whole process probably takes about 15 minutes, and I have had the entire time to build up a nice case against him. That time he left the clothes in the washing machine without hanging them up, the fact that I've cooked breakfast the past two weekends, the fact that he misclicked his spell in HoN and let me die. Every single bad thing I can remember comes up, doubly so for all the bad things he did that I suppressed because I didn't want to be a bad girlfriend and nag him.

The list is pretty damn long, which means I'm in the right - he is a bad boyfriend and I am justified in this case of nagging. Not only that, but I am angry. I don't get angry very often, so it must be things are pretty bad if I am angry. I get home and I say to him, "It would be nice if you could wash some clothes once and a while!" then put the perishable groceries away and climb into bed. I don't want to talk to him right now.

(I don't actually see this part, because I'm in bed at the moment, but I imagine it going something like this: MrMan5.5 gets up in a panic. He can tell I'm angry, so he has a quick scan of what he has done recently to provoke me. His quick scan isn't very good, because he doesn't come up with any reasons - not doing laundry doesn't normally make me angry. He knows he has to do something to make it better though, so he starts cooking pancakes for me. I get a big plate of pancakes with maple syrup and ice cream)

OK, I lied, that never happens. What happens is that MrMan5.5 comes in and says that he didn't do the laundry because it has been cold and the stuff on the clotheshorse isn't dry yet, so if he does more laundry he will have nowhere to hang it. He can't hang it outside because it is raining.

That's actually a perfectly reasonable. My angry brain doesn't care! Despite the fact that my entire reason for being angry is now gone, it's too late. It's like a volcano about to explode - even if the town if innocent people disappears, the volcano still wants to explode. I still have to punish him so I turn to the ultimate weapon - the silent treatment. The only weapon I can actually use at the moment, because I can't really say anything in reply without admitting that he's right. Because he's not right. I am.

Eventually, I cool off (usually after a nap), and I return to my logical self. It's because I never said anything about the laundry when it first started bothering me, or all the other things I suppressed, all MrMan5.5 saw was a big storm of crazy. He probably writes it off as PMS or just a quirk I have where I occasionally get illogically angry over a tiny thing. He will never find out what is truly bothering me, and I will continue getting angry over it, which makes it a positive feedback cycle.

So that's my theory on why people (well, me, really, but it could apply to others) get angry seemingly out of nowhere. I realise that it is unhealthy behaviour, so I am trying to work on it.