There's a part in the book I'm reading, where a character describes the belief held by a group of people (I forgot what they're called) that saying words can alter people's lives. I'm not just saying in an indirect butterfly-effect way, but in the sense that someone could have nothing planned for the day, and you could ask them if they're interested in seeing a movie, and then suddenly they would have the desire to see that movie, even though they didn't before. Your question has caused them to want to see a movie they might never even have thought about. They believe it is better to ask someone to see that movie with you after they have already expressed an interest in seeing that movie.
This came up for me not long ago, when someone asked my opinion on something. I gave my opinion, thinking nothing of what I said, and little did I know, I later found that this person had completely transformed what he thought due to my words. While I'm not usually hesitant in giving my opinion on something (I mean, I write a blog, after all!), I've suddenly found that I'm choosing my words carefully now, because I don't want someone's opinion to sway because of mine. Well, that's not quite right. If I know for sure that they are wrong, then I want them to see the light, but in cases where I'm not 100% sure, I feel bad if I caused them to think something that isn't entirely true.
The problem is, everyone in that group of people described above held that belief to be true, but it causes foreigners to feel as though they are left out, because they don't understand the meaning of the unspoken words. This is something I tend to do, as I will say something like, "I want to see <movie>!" and then organise stuff with anyone who expressed interest. I'm not a big fan of inviting people to things like movies without them saying they want to see it, although I am guilty of trying to persuade people to see things.
I don't like leaving people out, but my system of implicit invitations seems to fail lately. A few times, I've told MrMan5.5 that I'm doing something, with an implicit invitation for him, but he didn't express any interest, so I assumed he wasn't interested. Later, he mentioned wanting to go, but I had already told someone that he wasn't interested. >_<
I'm not a big fan of forcing people to do things, but seeing as the company I keep seems to have changed significantly this year, I should really go about things differently.
This came up for me not long ago, when someone asked my opinion on something. I gave my opinion, thinking nothing of what I said, and little did I know, I later found that this person had completely transformed what he thought due to my words. While I'm not usually hesitant in giving my opinion on something (I mean, I write a blog, after all!), I've suddenly found that I'm choosing my words carefully now, because I don't want someone's opinion to sway because of mine. Well, that's not quite right. If I know for sure that they are wrong, then I want them to see the light, but in cases where I'm not 100% sure, I feel bad if I caused them to think something that isn't entirely true.
The problem is, everyone in that group of people described above held that belief to be true, but it causes foreigners to feel as though they are left out, because they don't understand the meaning of the unspoken words. This is something I tend to do, as I will say something like, "I want to see <movie>!" and then organise stuff with anyone who expressed interest. I'm not a big fan of inviting people to things like movies without them saying they want to see it, although I am guilty of trying to persuade people to see things.
I don't like leaving people out, but my system of implicit invitations seems to fail lately. A few times, I've told MrMan5.5 that I'm doing something, with an implicit invitation for him, but he didn't express any interest, so I assumed he wasn't interested. Later, he mentioned wanting to go, but I had already told someone that he wasn't interested. >_<
I'm not a big fan of forcing people to do things, but seeing as the company I keep seems to have changed significantly this year, I should really go about things differently.
1 comment:
"someone could have nothing planned for the day, and you could ask them if they're interested in seeing a movie, and then suddenly they would have the desire to see that movie, even though they didn't before"
That effect is a reasonably well known sociological theory based on doing things in groups. The person in question might not have cared for the movie at all, but being asked to see it with someone, is what's changed them. You can bet that this person now wants to see the movie, but they wouldn't go and see it on their own.
"They believe it is better to ask someone to see that movie with you after they have already expressed an interest in seeing that movie."
Who is 'They'? I'd like to point out that there are a lot of people I know who don't express themselves much, if at all. Even if they wanted to go and see a movie they wouldn't necessarily express it. I know I'm somewhat guilty of being like that too (which is probably why I've caused you this trouble). Do you think it's better to leave people out just because they're not open enough to express interest?
I have a friend who's theory is to never express his interest in an activity with others, because he wants the people he hangs out with to do what they want to do, not what he wants to do. Again, you'd end up not inviting him, even if he would actually want to go see the movie.
Part of you expressing an opinion about something is that it's an opinion. It's not something that is supposed to be 100% correct, and expressing it is a form of persuasion (the only thing I could do well with in VCE english was the persuasive stuff). So if you don't want to persuade someone about something, then don't state your opinion. I guess the problem with what you had is that you are considered to be an 'expert' in that field, so anything you say will be taken super literally, and almost immediately presumed to be true. If that's the case, you need to inform the people in question that you are not actually an expert in that field.
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