Dating Around the World

In today's edition of Fodder Finds Folk Fascinating, I was reading a reddit thread where people commented on dating culture in countries other than the United States. (BTW, don't mess with kangaroos, they are brutal. Today's image is from this BBC Earth YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCcLMNcWZOc .)

From what I understand about American dating culture, the typical sequence of events involves one person asking another out on a date. If it goes well, this is repeated until eventually they have "the chat" and agree to be in an exclusive relationship - the implication being that during the "dating" phase, both people are free to keep their options open and date other people.

Even though the Australian dating culture is becoming "Tinderised" to some extent, I feel like there's still the expectation that if you're seeing someone, it's exclusive. In all the relationships I've been in, we've been friends first, and then either I, or the other person expressed interest in being more than friends, and the other person felt the same way. With the exception of a customer at work who kept coming to my register, I've never been hit on, but I also don't really put myself in a situation where that kind of thing could happen, so I can't really comment on that aspect.

Australia, or at least Melbourne, has a bit of a mish-mash of cultures, and I think there's an interesting blend of customs. Although my mum really pushed on the importance of having a boyfriend, I hid my first few boyfriends from her. I felt a lot of pressure from her to find someone I wanted to settle down with, but I felt like I had barely even started uni, and that's not enough time to know whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone - especially when both of your personalities are still so volatile. So it was that Asian influence that made me feel like I had to keep it all a secret (well, that and the fact that one of my relationships was pretty inappropriate, and I don't think she would have been all that happy with the huge age gap between us).

MrFodder and I never had the "exclusivity chat". We did talk about whether we wanted to see each other again (and MrFodder claims I left my umbrella behind because I wanted an excuse to see him again), but I don't think we discussed being boyfriend / girlfriend. One of my other Australian friends said the same happened to him.

A European friend of mine, who was in a relationship with an Asian girl, said that from his perspective, they had been in an exclusive relationship for a while. However, he was quite stunned when his girlfriend asked him, "So... are we boyfriend and girlfriend now?"

Based on what I'm hearing from my Australian friends who are still in the dating game, Tinder / Bumble / Coffee Meets Bagel are becoming a larger part of the dating scene. There was some kind of pick-up artist seminar or something running in Melbourne, and a couple of my friends were "victims" to the students. Judging from their reaction, and some of the comments from the other female responses in our Discord channel, it seems like hitting on someone out of the blue isn't very welcome. Maybe that's something that's also uniquely American.

Some of the responses I found interesting from the reddit thread:

(Oh no, I'm just copy+pasting responses from a reddit thread, I'm becoming BuzzFeed!)

Finland:

Apparently people in Finland are quite reserved, until there's alcohol involved.

France:

...you just meet people, you click then become friends, get some drinks together with a bunch of other friends... Usually, the group gets divided during the night, some people will stay in the living room, we have what we call here the "counter-party" that happens in the kitchen, then hallways, bedrooms... and you get to be close to whoever you're into and kisses happens (or more)...if you kiss again during day time tadaaa you're in a relationship (if it's what you both want) !

England:

Brit here, its just pretty normal, you meet, you get their number, you text a little or a lot till you get the balls to ask them out. Sometimes its coffee, or drinks at a pub/bar. You see if you click, and if it does a relationship occurs pretty quickly within a few weeks.

North India:

There's no existence of the idea of dating. Dating means being in a relationship (although newer generation is catching up). 

I like a person, I confess. If they agree, then from day 1 we are in a relationship. That's it. All done. 

I agree in some relationships, both parties may know each other, but I wouldn't say they fall in love gradually. In most cases here, people befriend each other because they are attracted.

Brazil:

Couples often meet each other at clubs or parties, they (most likely) make out when they meet, they may have sex at the same night too. After that, they get each other's contacts and then start dating until it (not necessarily) develops into a relationship.

New Zealand:

Dating doesn't really exist in the way that it used to, hook up culture has largely taken over. Most people I know consider the idea of paying for a traditional date as the 'chump' option, and seems to be only considered by people who don't have the option of getting laid easier and faster. 

Nice dates are increasingly reserved for established relationships, with most people favoring the 'hangout/netflix and chill' approach if they can get away with it. 

It's now considered far more serious to hold a girls hand while walking down the street than it is to have casual sex with her

Philippines:

In my experience anyway, there has been a pretty huge shift in dating and relationships, at least among younger people still in university. When I was in college not too long ago (I graduated in 2011), relationships would predominantly start through “ligaw” (translates: courtship), where it was essentially the guy’s job to show how much he liked the girl through romantic acts both big or small. Depending on the two people involved, any level of physical intimacy could be expected. Eventually, there would be the formal question of “Will you be my girlfriend?” I would say even for my gay and lesbian friends, there was always someone “performing” the courtship and someone “receiving” the attention. 

Now, I feel like we’ve shifted to the more American concept of dating - get each other’s number, hang out, agree you’re seeing each other, and then later on defining the relationship. I much prefer it now, it definitely places both parties on equal footing.

Norway:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDbsKnSN4lo

Meet in bar -> sex -> go on date -> sex -> say "Hi" if you see each other -> dinner.

I don't know how true it is, but another comment seems to hint at the same thing:

Dating in Norway is not very formal. You either have a date at a cafe with a coffee and a little bit to eat, or you go straight to the dinner in the evening. If you meet up for a coffee in the day it's more about seeing if you're compatible, but if you agree with having a dinner in the evening, and a couple of drinks afterwards, you can presume that the other part is interested in a bit more than chit chat. You might sleep together on the first night, or you wait. It's something you understand after talking to the other person.

Honduras:

Relationships just sort of form from friendships, or over time after you initially meet someone. Once you're doing couple's stuff you're pretty much official. People don't usually date around either (as in, going on dates with multiple people) - if you're going on date you're /already/ assumed to be exclusive. It is pretty much expected that guys will court a girl they like, and if the girl reciprocates than that's what starts the relationship pretty much (or some people will directly ask will you be my bf/gf and start it like that) 

At the same time, among teens and younger adults it is common that kissing and things like that at parties don't really mean anything.

Vietnam:

Basically you found someone hot in some circle group, friend them on Facebook and start messaging them. Flirt with them online for sometime or hang out with them in that social group. Ask them out for some number of dates which can be largely casual coffee or eating something simple. Flirt more, maybe go in for some handholding or kiss, then become couple.

Uzbekistan:

In Uzbekistan, 75% of marriages are arranged. If you’re a guy it’s ok to be a whore but if you’re a woman you have to be a virgin to get married. At least that’s how it was 15 years ago. Relationships are formed just like anywhere else, through school and friends. The divorce rate is very very low. It is a shame to be divorced and practically impossible to survive without a provider so when couples get married they do their best to stick together.

Right at the bottom I found an Australian reply!

The online dating scene is slowly dying here. Mainly because females have too much choice and become over-saturated with it. Most guys swipe right on everyone and are lucky to hold the attention of their matches before they stop replying. It does work occasionally. I haven’t heard of a success story in the last 18 months however. 

Meeting people at parties/bars/sporting clubs/places of shared interest is quiet common. Also through mutual friends. 

There is two types of dating; American style one on one or going to events with mutual friends until something kicks off (depends on what the person wants). 

I think it really depends on what the person wants. In inner Melbourne casual dating is more common due to the amount of people but further out dating is more common due to the lack of options

It's just anecdotal, but most of the people I know who are in a relationship met their partner through a friendship group. It's the minority of people who got together through online dating (though one of them is now engaged, and another has been with his girlfriend for a few years now). I wonder what will replace online dating in Australia. I have heard from a few of my male friends that they're getting frustrated with Tinder-like apps.