Faking It

Elliot: Oh, I have to make Kelso think I still work here so he doesn't have me arrested for stealing medical supplies. By the by, what would you have done if you couldn't give Carla The Pill?

Turk: I'd-a faked it.

Elliot: Guys can't fake it.

Turk: Really? Does this sound familiar? "Ohh, oh, baby, we're going all night. No, wait, don't move!" ...Sorry.

Elliot: [Reliving past trauma] Way too familiar....
-Scrubs: My Intern's Eyes (Season 5, Episode 1)

Yes, another Scrubs inspired post. I've been wondering, what's the point in faking an orgasm? They feel good, presumably you both want one (isn't that the reason for having sex in the first place - other than for baby purposes?), and if someone else is volunteering to do all the work of bringing you to climax, why wouldn't you take advantage of that?

Quick Google search turned up with: Faking Orgasms - The Who, How, and Whys of Faking Orgasms, which says that the reasons why people (yes, people, males are included) fake orgasms are:
-they want to make their partner feel better
-to end sex when they're tired ("Women report feeling like their male partners are not satisfied until
they “give” their female partner an orgasm, thus sex will continue
until the woman either has an orgasm, or fakes orgasm.")
-to get it over with
-feelings of expectation

There is also this blog post To Fake Or Not To Fake? about why some women fake orgasms:
-they feel their partner will be crushed if they don't orgasm
-think in order to hold onto their man they need to orgasm all the time
-are self-conscious about how long it take them to orgasm
-don't know how to reach orgasm, but don't want their partners to think something is wrong with them

So I guess I'm a bit selfish when it comes to sex, as I'm not really thinking about making sure my partner is feeling like he'd going a good job, I'm mostly thinking, "What do I want? An orgasm! When do I want it? NOW!" At first, for me, getting a guy closer to climax was just a means to an end - if he was feeling good, then he'd be more inclined to want to make me feel good. Things changed with Charmeleon, as he taught me that sex can be more than just orgasms for yourself. Seeing the affect of the things you are doing to him can be arousing, and the things you do during foreplay feel pretty damn good, too.

Sorry to jump topics a bit, but you're probably thinking about those lines that led to the famous "orgasm" scene in When Harry Met Sally:

Sally Albright: Most women at one time or another have faked it.
Harry Burns: Well, they haven't faked it with me.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because I know.
Sally Albright: Oh. Right. That's right. I forgot. You're a man.
Harry Burns: What was that supposed to mean?
Sally Albright: Nothing. Its just that all men are sure it never happened to them and all women at one time or other have done it so you do the math.

I admit, that I have. A couple of times with AG and once with "That Guy" (although you probably don't believe me given the circumstances of our sex and what happened afterwards). Each of those times, I did it because I realised I just didn't want to be there any more and at that point in my relationship with AG, it was pretty much purely sexual, and the only reason I met up with "That Guy" was for sex, I figured I wouldn't get to go home until they thought I had finished (both of them had driven me somewhere, and since I couldn't drive at the time, they were my only way home). I just considered those extenuating circumstances though, and I really don't consider faking it worth the effort. I'm terrible at acting, and I'm not even sure I got away with it when I did it those times. The entire time I kept thinking, "He knows, he's just too embarrassed to bring it up." and every time the car stopped on the way home, I was terrified that he'd confront me and demand to know why I did it.

As I mentioned before, and as both the articles mention, if you bother to read them, is that sex doesn't have to be all about orgasms. Well, not sex, but I mean the act of lying on bed with someone and just interacting with them physically, shouldn't just be about both of you having lots and lots of orgasms, but it can also be just both of you massaging each other, or touching stuff that feels nice, and if you happen to make them orgasm while you're at it, just consider it a bonus.

Since I'm in such a confessing mood, I have something else to confess: I think I have what the female equivalent to premature ejaculation is. =/ I guess that's not so bad, as I don't have to worry about "getting it up" again, so we can keep doing stuff, but it causes this orgasm imbalance that, to be perfectly honest, I'm not completely happy with. I think the orgasm ratio between me and Charmeleon was something like 3.5:1 (I didn't have half orgasms, it's just that most times I would orgasm 3 or 4 times, so I just took the average), and I felt bad that I was getting so many and he wasn't. I also knew in my head that if he did orgasm after I had one, we'd be waiting at least an hour before he would be ready again, and sometimes we just didn't have the time to wait around for hours (well, mostly it was just me who didn't have the time - sneaking around behind your parents's backs to have sex is a very delicate art!) so either he'd have to fake it to make me feel content, or we'd just have to have this imbalance.

Actually, I just re-thought that confession, and I didn't orgasm nearly as much with AG (I feel so guilty about writing all this stuff about him after our relationship, it's like kissing and telling and I'm so mean! At least his identity is a secret) so maybe it was just Charmeleon.

Anyway, not that I'm encouraging it, but is it really possible for guys to fake it? There's the obvious problem of having to produce some... "evidence" that you just orgasmed (I'm reminded of that scene in 40 Days and 40 Nights where the guy fakes an orgasm, and the girl doesn't believe him, so she tries to look inside the condom, but he runs away from her. After a short chase, the condom ends up flying across the room and landing on the window where it's obvious that it's empty). After some thought, I figured it might be possible to put milk inside the condom while she's not looking (yeah, I said some thought, obviously it wasn't a lot), but that just seems weird.

"Hey baby, what are you doing?"
"Oh, I'm just going to get some milk - gotta keep these bones growing big and strong!"
"Why are you taking the box of condoms?"
"I, er... wanted to read the directions while I'm in the kitchen."