Forget You

I was talking to Olek a couple of nights ago, and he said that I should try to swear more. First, let me clarify that I do swear, just not often. Not because I have a moral objection or anything, it's just that when something happens that would normally cause swear, the first word that comes to mind is usually something else. Olek says that "fuck" is such a good and versatile word, and I agree, but at the same time, I think it's also a downside. There are so many words in the English language, and yet when given the opportunity to use them, so many people just resort to using fuck. There are so many ways to insult someone's intelligence: idiot, moron, imbecile, fool, halfwit, thick-headed - but some people seem to think the list looks a lot more like this: shithead, shithead, shithead, shithead. I don't even know what that word even means. =/ (According to wikipedia: Shithead is an insulting term for a person that is ignorant, narrow minded, cruel, and/or unintelligent.)

I've had a conversation with someone at work which went something along the lines of this:

(I turn over my hand, 4 of a kind: kings)
Patron: Fuck you.
(I turn over Patron's hand, full house: kings over aces)
Me: I'm sorry, but your bet lost, I have to take it.
Patron: Fuck you.
Me: Sometimes it's hard to hit a hand.
Patron: Fuck you.
Me: Do you mind watching your language, the other patrons at this table might not appreciate it?
Patron: Fuck you.
Me: If you have a problem with me, maybe you'd like to talk to my supervisor.
(I call over my supervisor)
Supervisor: Is something wrong?
Patron: Fuck you.
Supervisor: I'd like to ask you to stop swearing.
Patron: Fuck you.
(Supervisor calls over pit boss, security escorts him out)

(One of my trainers suggested I say "It's hard to get a hand, isn't it?" when patrons get angry at a loss, it usually works, but in retrospect, that probably wasn't the right thing to say, as the guy did hit an awesome hand. Maybe I was subconsciously antagonising him - he was a bit of a shithead.)

I've just found that when you start swearing, things usually get out of hand. The person you're talking to gets defensive, you both get angry and probably end up forgetting what the original problem is, because you've both gotten so worked up. I don't know, it just seems counter-productive.

That being said, I'm starting to wonder if the story I'm writing for NaNo feels less realistic because the dialogue in it is so PG. In fact, if you take out the sex, and possibly some violence, almost everything I write (including my blogs) seems pretty boring and PG. Sure, the whole infrequent swearing thing really helps me keep calm when people get angry at me, but sometimes I think that when I'm angry, nobody even notices.

On the drive home from Paul's tonight, I spent a lot of time thinking about the way I talk and express myself, but also the way that I think. Tong commented that after I arrived, the topic of conversation at the game of 500 turned to sex, and as I've mentioned before, that seems to be somewhat of a habit of mine. Is it because it's something I think about a lot, or talk about a lot? I think I have a few friendships that are entirely based on the fact that they want a girl to talk about sex with (and potentially WoW and relationships).

Seeing as I've mentioned it a few times, maybe I should try to change this pattern. Maybe there's like some trinity of vices - sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll swearing - and if you spend too much time on one, it's to the detriment of the others. I should try out other ways of expressing myself, because maybe it'll lead to newer experiences for myself, or at least make me a better writer.

As for the title of this blog, in case I forget the reason myself, it's the title of a song by Cee Lo Green, but I believe it's just the title of the radio edit of the song, the original being "Fuck You".

A Different Kind of One-Liner

Inspired by this thread on the TL forums, I've decided to post some confessions myself, and hope that you (anonymously, if you choose) will do the same.

-When we were young, my brother and I used to play as "Super Ted", and I wanted to be Super Ted so badly that I got a permanent marker and drew spots on his jacket so that he would have to be Spotty.

-During my Year 10 Italian exam, when the teacher left the room, I gave a classmate the answers to all the questions.

-I started writing during reading time during my Intro to Formal Logic exam.

-One of the examples I gave in my interview at ANZ wasn't actually about a group assignment at uni, but about a situation in one of my WoW guilds.

-I bid on something in WoW when I didn't have enough DKP, and still won it.

-I broke up with someone over MSN because I didn't have the guts to do it in person.

-When I feel really depressed, I eat KFC or (dairy) ice-cream.

-In order to wake up early enough to watch pokemon, I used to trace the numbers "7:30" on my forehead because I believed it helped me wake up on time, and if I made a mistake, I'd wipe it out and write it over.

-I made up a fake email address and emailed a friend of mine pretending to be from the United States looking for a pen-pal. She still doesn't know it was me.

-I was playing chess with a guy I had a crush on, I told him it was checkmate when it wasn't and he believed me.

-Someone offered to masturbate for me on webcam, but I played Freecell instead of watching after I saw his penis.

-I've run away from home at least 4 times, but someone has always found me within 5 hours.

-I sometimes wonder if I'm the reason one of my exes is an alcoholic.

-If I don't lock the security door when I leave my house, I worry that someone will come in and shoot my family.


Hmmm, this was actually quite hard to do. Maybe it's because I already reveal so much in my blog that it's hard to come up with confessions that I haven't mentioned already. Anyway, that's a glimpse into the not-so-nice side of me. I hope you don't think too badly of me because of it!

Moving Forward

Guess I should put the important stuff at the top, since not everyone will read all the way down to the bottom. Have handed in my letter of resignation, and so won't have any income until next year. This means I shouldn't spend so much on Christmas and I know I said that I was going to do this last year, but last year I made eclairs and transporting them around wasn't so easy. So I'm thinking shortbread and gingerbread, but that doesn't seem like enough variety. I want to make eclairs again, because they're fun to make, but the cream is a problem. :( Mince pies, which are more Christmas-y will probably have the same problem. So does anyone have any suggestions for what I should include?

Now that I have a full time job, and will be starting soon, it seems like I have started thinking about the big stuff quite a lot, in particular, the 3 Ms: moving out, marriage and motherhood.

MrMan5.5 and I are planning to start looking at places to move out after we get back from Japan. I know we're not going to be able to afford some super fancy place, but I think that if we're going to live somewhere, it's a good idea to think about the things that are important to me, and the things that aren't so important. I've lived not far from the CBD my whole life, and so I would prefer to be close, but I think in the end, if I have to travel, I have to travel. It's not that important to me to live really close if it means paying a lot more, and giving up something else. I don't want to live in some apartment the size of a shoebox just so I can be right in the heart of the CBD.

The most important thing to me would have to be a decent kitchen. When I was planning my ninja move out earlier, I saw so many places that had what I wouldn't even call a kitchen. I'm not expecting about a modern, stainless-steel kitchen, but honestly, if there is only a microwave, that hardly constitutes a "kitchen".

What I'd also like, but isn't essential, is enough space to have people over for dinner. It's something I've always wanted to do, but I don't really expect to be able to do it in the first place I move out to. Mum doesn't like having people over, and she or dad almost always cooks dinner, so it's not really something I can do now, but I really like the idea of having a few friends over for dinner. Maybe we can watch a movie or something afterwards. Just a relaxing night in. Plus, it'll give me a chance to practice my cooking!

Probably because Lucy likes weddings so much, and because I've had an all-time high number of friends get married this year(2), I've been thinking about marriage a lot. I read an article by a woman who commended on the fact that women are meant to wear an engagement ring, and men aren't. Does that mean women are taken off the market the moment they say "Yes", but men don't make the jump until the big day? I also wondered where does the man's wedding ring come from? Is he meant to buy his own ring when he proposes, or is she meant to have a ring to preempt his proposal? Or is she meant to buy the ring later after she accepts? I asked Lucy and she said that Julian gave her a ring when he proposed, and she bought a ring for him later.

So that begs the question, what do you do when the woman proposes? If I wanted to pop the question to MrMan5.5, am I meant to buy myself a ring? If he says yes, is he also agreeing to pay for the ring? Can I buy him a ring, and then he wears an engagement ring instead of me (but then people might think that he's married when he's not)? The biggest question I want to know the answer to, is does he become the bride and I become the groom?

I was talking to Lucy about potential bridesmaids, after she and Kelly have both had trouble with the whole bridesmaid thing. She said that it's important to pick bridesmaids that are easy-going, as the day is meant to be about you, not them, and if they're not easy-going, then they'll cause drama on your big day. I think maid of honour would have been easy to pick, but since MrMan5.5 has 3 good male friends, I'd have to pick two other bridesmaids, and the third one I'm a bit unsure about. If I could have groomsmen, then it would be so much easier I think. The number of easy-going guys who I have known for a long time, and feel close to is much higher than the number of easy-going girls who I have known for a long time and feel close to.

Then I just remind myself, that neither of us has accepted a marriage proposal, so why not cross this bridge when I get to it?

Being a mother seems like such a daunting prospect. The thing is, every time it comes up, and I mention that I'd like to do experiments on my children, I get told that I'm a horrible person. Only a few people have asked me what kind of experiments I'd like to do - and in case anyone has forgotten, I did study developmental psychology, and one of the most respected researchers in that field did a lot of his observations on his own children. So can you really fault me for wanting to find some stuff out with my own? I don't think I want to become a researcher, as I really don't want to get into that whole mess of author/co-author, who gets credit? I also don't want to have to mess around with ethics committees and sucking up to people so that I can get funding.

I'm just waiting for MrMan5.5's friend to finish his cloning/gene splitting research so that I can have 8 genetically identical children in order to rule out genetic factors.

It feels like an exciting time of change, and I'm looking forward to it. :)

Why, Why, Why, Why, Why?!

Reading ABCOTD and came across this comment:

Women are such jealous creatures...

Red Fraggle, you're absolutely wrong. I cheat on my girlfriend all the time, and it's nothing. She's too dumb to figure it out anyway. Hell, I think I even gave her herpes recently. I know I've got it now from her friend, and by now I'm sure she does too. If she ever finds out, I'll just accuse her of cheating and walk out. She'll be pissed for a bit, but she's kinda needy, so she'll come back, asking me to take her back. Aint even a thang!

(Red Fraggle's comment was essentially, "Cheating is a strange thing. It takes so much energy to do, but yet the cheater will always behave as if it was effortless. Expressions like, "it was nothing" and "moment of weakness" come to mind.")

I really hope the person is trolling, but for some reason, I don't think so. Someone please explain to me how someone can be such an asshole. I guess he just doesn't really care about his girlfriend all that much, because just the thought that MrMan5.5 would hate me for the rest of my life is enough of a deterrent for me.

How it Started

Maybe an O.5 post. Read at your own peril! I am too sleepy at the moment to have thought the entire contents of this post through.

During a drunken conversation with a friend (he was drunk, not me - I don't need to be drunk to spill my guts, just lacking sleep) the topic of friends with benefits came up and my friend asked me how I managed to find one as he said he wanted one, too. I told him that an FWB is probably not what he really wants, but I don't think he agrees. Anyway, I used to get asked this question a lot, and even now I can't really say that I have an answer. So instead, I'm just going to try to recall how it all began and maybe any potential FWB seekers can take from it what they like.

This is probably the closest I will come to revealing Charmeleon's identity, and if it does happen I hope he sees it as advertisement or something.

So we met at a dinner with some friends where I got the impression that he was one of those people who loves the sound of his own voice. Later, we went to an arcade (in typical Asian-style) where he challenged me to a game neither of us knew how to play, so it just became a button-mashing fest (I still claim that he only won because his hands are bigger and he could press more buttons at once). This was something so playful and silly, which was such a contrast to my first impression of him.

A few days later, he message me in game and when I found out who his character was, I couldn't believe it. To be perfectly honest, I thought he was an ass and I had trouble believing that he could possibly be the same funny guy I met at dinner. So maybe it was cognitive dissonance that made me agree to dinner and bowling with him (though at the time I didn't realise it was meant to be just the two of us, so I asked my guildies if they were also going and heard some rather unflattering things about Charmeleon in the process - although now that I think about it, they weren't that far off the mark).

Adding more to the contrast was the fact that he brought his own bowling ball to dinner. I don't know why, but I thought that was so incredibly ridiculous and it just seemed to add to the surprising nature I wad starting to see. Then he invited his cousin along to join us.

Fast forward to him inviting me over to his house for somewhere to study 254 and him offering to give me a back rub which turned into sex. The first few times I wasn't entirely sure what was between us. Were we together (exclusive or not) or was it just sex? It felt like he was avoiding saying anything either way, but I figured it out eventually. I decided I was OK with it. I think if he had just asked outright I would probably have said no.

Although seeing each other was pretty much sex related, I don't think I was just seeing him for his penis, he was funny, smart and playful - all qualities that I think are good in a guy. Sometimes I felt bad like I was using him, but SP told me that if he's getting sex out of it, then he's probably OK with it. Still, he was the one who tried to teach me to deep throat and I am still sad that I never got to master it despite all the practice he let me have. :(

It was nice and simple, but there was a downside to it. Probably due to my neurotic nature, but sometimes I wondered if maybe Charmeleon would one day wake up and be bored of me. I just felt pressure to be this fun person around him and didn't feel comfortable being me all the time. I would always here things from guys in WoW saying their girlfriend would be perfect if she would have sex on demand and not complain so much. So that's what I figured a FWB was supposed to be.

That's mostly why I tell people they're not after an FWB but after a bf/gf. MrMan5.5 wants to be with me when I'm feeling happy, sexy or playful, but he also wants to be with me when I feel like sinking into a hole and waiting for the world to go past. We can be ourselves around each other and there isn't that fear of him suddenly becoming bored (which could still happen but I think it is less likely so I don't think about it often).

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.8

Past My Bedtime

While everybody else is getting out of bed
I'm usually getting in it
I'm not in it to win it
And there's a thousand ways you can skin it
-If It's Love, Train

As I say to pretty much everyone who asks about working at a casino, the job itself is fun, but the hours suck. If I want to spent time with people during "normal" hours, unless I have a buffer day, I usually end up feeling sleepy and struggle to pay attention to what people are saying. Worse is when I still have to go to work that night. (I had work both the day before and the day of Doris' engagement party, and even with 2 Red Bulls, I was struggling to calculate 17 x 3 + 35 x 3 - something I normally know off the top of my head (156, in case you were wondering, and there is the something new you've learned for the day).)

Although when I don't have anything planned, I find it easier just to keep my work sleeping pattern rather than try to adjust it to normal time, and the adjust back when I have work. Someone suggested I just wake up during the day, then go to work, and then sleep after work, but I find that I usually start to feel really tired around 1AM when I do that. So instead I wake up at 6PM, go to work, then play games or read until 6AM when I go to sleep. Isn't that what people who work 9-5 do: sleep before work, and then after work do some stuff then go to bed, to be fresh for another day of gold farming?

I'm starting to feel a bit nostalgic for the days of LNS (Late Night Settlers (of Catan)). It was nice having the regular 2nd floor crew who would be up at crazy times of the night to play Settlers with. I guess now I have LNSC - Late Night Starcraft. It doesn't feel the same though, as there isn't really a group of us who are on at a regular time, and when I am most active, it is usually only Julian and Adrian who are also on. Then again, they are also the only two diamond (the highest rank) players on my friends list, so maybe staying up so late indicates something...


I'm just starting to wonder what will happen once I start full-time work. Oh, I guess I should mention now, I ended up getting 2 grad position offers, and will be starting work next year. I didn't tell many people at the time as I thought a friend of mine would be upset at the news, but I am told he is happy for me, so I guess it's OK now. So my biggest worry now is adjusting to a different sleeping pattern. Casino workers end up befriending each other because we all keep the same hours. Will I lose my current LNS2 crew?

Speaking of casino friends, HunterKiller was apparently calling my name to get my attention one night, and it he said that I didn't turn around until he called out "Monkeyfodder". Then he called me an SC2 addict, but he's the guy who once greeted me by punching me twice in the back saying, "Backstab, kidney shot." I think he is the addict.-_-

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.8

Does This Dress Make Me Look Fat?

Miranda: When someone gets married, all bets are off. They're married and we're the enemy.
Sam: Married women are threatened because we can have sex any time, anywhere, with anyone. And they're afraid we're gonna have it any time, anywhere with their husbands.
-Sex and the City, Episode 3, Season 1

A friend of mine asked me whether I thought her boyfriend was good-looking. Before I could even think of Admiral Ackbar, I was already feeling the pressure to give some answer, any answer, to the impossible question.

It reminded me of an episode of Sex and the City (where the above quote comes from) where Carrie stays with a married couple in the Hamptons. Upon leaving her room in the morning, she is greeted by the sight of the husband, without any pants or underwear on. She comments on this to the wife, and is promptly kicked out of their house.

I know that I'm not single now, but I really couldn't think of any other reason why I'd be asked such a question other than my friend trying to gain some insight into whether I was interested in her boyfriend. I figured the truth shall set you free, and so I told her honestly what I thought, but I don't know whether I was expected to lie or not. If I said that I thought he was unattractive, then would that make her think that I thought she could do better, or that I thought that he was lacking in some way, even though the real reason behind it would be that he wasn't my cup of tea (there are people who think that Justin Beiber is hot)? If I said that I thought he was attractive, then would that make her think that I wanted him?

Personally, I don't care whether anyone else thinks MrMan5.5 is good-looking or not. He is my boyfriend, so it should really only matter if I do - I'm the one who has to wake up next to his Heath-Ledger-in-The-Dark-Knight face, after all (I'm joking! >_>). To be perfectly honest, ever since I was asked that question, I've felt a little subconscious about how I act when I'm around them. I don't want to give the impression that I'm after him, but I also don't want to appear as though I'm acting fake. So I end up trying to act natural, even though I'm pretty sure that by trying to be natural, I end up giving the impression that my behaviour is forced in someway. It doesn't help that every time he makes a joke and I start laughing I start to worry that she thinks we have some sort of inside joke now that she isn't a part of.

I know inside my head that I'm probably over-thinking everything, and that this is just me being neurotic, but I can't help it. I can't come up with any other reason for someone to ask such a question. Anyone else have any ideas?