Rally

Went to my first rally yesterday.

I wanted to stay for the mass illegal wedding, too, but I'm sad to say that I had other plans, and my legs were getting tired, so I bailed early. (Since I know Jal will huff in frustration and say it's not an illegal wedding, since they are allowed to have weddings, I want to make sure to include that so he doesn't huff at me.)

I was super psyched up for it. MrFodder and I picked up some rainbow coloured shoelaces from Rebel Sport a while ago, and I thought it would be a good time to finally change over my shoelaces.

There were so many people around. At the rally itself, they estimated around 15,000, but one newspaper said there were 20,000.

They had a bunch of people speak at the rally, including some politicians. One of them said that 70% of people who were polled about their voting preference said that they'd vote yes. 90,000 new voters have enrolled this year. A and I were being cynical and wondering whether this whole thing was a ploy to get people to enrol to vote.

One of the organisers said that the sea of people reached all the way down Swanston street, which was pretty amazing. I couldn't see that either from where I was standing. Everyone was really nice, and complete strangers were talking to each other, asking about their experiences. People were wearing some pretty creative T-shirts with funny slogans, or dressed up in fairy costumes and things like that. I heard people complimenting them, asking how much effort went into it, lots of supportive comments, it was really nice. There were even some churches who were there in support as well (and both Graham and Michael will huff at me for not mentioning that they told me there's nothing in the bible against homosexuality, so I'm going to leave this comment here, too).

The banners were great, too. My favourite was this one:

And they had a competition for the best one, with the winner being one that said, "Computer says yes". The runner up was one that listed all the countries who have legalised gay marriage. There were a couple (at least I think they were together) who had a sign saying "Taste the rainbow" and they had baked cupcakes in lots of different colours and were giving them away.

I can't remember the names of any of the speakers, and I was too far back to see anything (standing on the steps of the State Library of Victoria), but there were a few stories that struck a chord with me. One woman spoke about how she and her partner both campaigned heavily to be able to have her name listed on the birth certificate of their kids even though her partner was the biological mother. Which was quite fortunate, as unfortunately, her partner passed away, and she knew that if she hadn't been listed as a parent, she would have had to go through a lot of headache fighting for custody of her children.

Another woman spoke about how her husband had transitioned to being a woman. With the way the marriage laws are now, would that mean they would have to get divorced? The stories were really nice to listen to. It wasn't even the illegal wedding part and I was starting to tear up.

A lot of the speakers pointed out how unfair it was that they aren't allowed to get married just because they're both the same gender, something about John Howard changing the marriage act, and urging people to spread the word and encourage the people around them to vote. They mentioned how the younger generation, who would be more likely to vote in favour of gay marriage, are less likely to vote in a postal vote.

To be honest, I started to get bored after a while, it felt like the talking went for hours. I got there at 12:45, and left at around 2:30. Even the people around me were also getting restless, with quite a few people saying, "Can we just march now?"

The crowd got riled up once we started chanting "What do we want?" "Marriage equality" "When do we want it?" "Now!" "What are we voting?" "Yes!" (It'd be funny if on plebiscite day, the question is changed to, "Should it be illegal to marry someone of the same gender?" or something like that.)

I got to participate in my first rally chant!

We finally started marching, but it was getting a bit late, and I had some things I needed to do, so I joined them until the corner of Elizabeth and La Trobe and bailed.

Admittedly, while we were waiting around at the library, I kept thinking what if a bomb had gone off? I think it would have motivated anyone who was thinking about abstaining into action, probably in favour of marriage equality. Hopefully such dire measures won't be required.

I don't have a personal sob story about this cause, I just think it's something that's unfair. Michael challenged me to write a gender-swapped girl power story (male trying to succeed in a traditionally feminine role), and at first I thought to make my character gay. I interviewed a couple of my gay friends, and one of them said something that made me feel sad. When he came out to his parents, they were accepting of it, having guessed the truth a long time ago, but he later found out that his mum was heartbroken because she would never have a (biological) grandchild. It never even occurred to me that that would be an issue with having a gay child.

Then I think about my other friend, who actually talked me out of making the character gay, as he said it would undermine the message of the story (i.e. the only reason they want to do something feminine is because they're gay, not because it's OK for guys to want to do feminine things). He has gone through all the same kinds of relationship struggles that I have. He falls in love just like I do. He get jealous just like I do. Why shouldn't he be able to marry the person he chooses to spend the rest of his life with? It's not an amazingly compelling argument backed by facts, but it's enough for me to want to vote in favour of gay marriage.

Baby, Baby, Baby, No

Today was another early lunch day, so I messaged my 11:30AM lunch crew, except once again, it was delayed until 12PM and I was pretty hungry. I'm going to need to find a new early lunch group. :(

But that wasn't my only reason for wanting to eat with them, I think I've been pretty drained with all of my projects at the moment, and I couldn't think of anything to write for today's post, so I thought I'd steal inspiration from them. However, they asked me why I was so tired, and I mentioned my baby practice session yesterday, and they both laughed saying how 2 hours with a kid is nothing compared to having one full time.

Then the entire discussion turned to children. I tried to change the topic, because I'm currently all babied out, but it went right back. They both insisted that once I had a baby of my own, something would switch inside me and everything would become about protecting my kid. Although Michael followed that up by saying he has seen some people who have made him wonder why they had a kid since they're so irresponsible.

So I write what I'm about to write with the full knowledge that MrFodder will read this, and any potential children we may have, but I want to preface this by saying that feeling a certain way, and acting on it are two different things.

For a long time, I never wanted to get married. There are a bunch of different reasons, but I think at the core of it, I feel like I must have some long-lasting version of ADHD. I can be completely passionate about something, and then after a certain period has passed, completely drop it and move on to something else.

I was afraid that this would happen with MrFodder (or anyone I was with, really), which is partly why I felt so reluctant to tie our futures together. I thought I could make it work, which is why I decided to give it a shot, but I think it's also why I've been beating myself up over MrCrush. A part of me is wondering, is this the point at which I lose interest in MrFodder and move on? But I asked a bunch of people who have been  in a relationship for a long time, and they all seem to think it's a perfectly normal reaction. Which brings me some comfort, but I'm still waiting for the day where I can see MrCrush and say, "Hey, there's a problem with the database, can you send that trade through again?" and just think, "There's a problem with the database, and the trade needs to be replayed" and not, "Awesome, another excuse to work together!"

If I did wake up a bunch of days in a row, and realise that I didn't have feelings for MrFodder, at least I would have the option of beginning divorce proceedings. I don't think that's something you can really do with a child, and while I would feel absolutely terrible for having wasted so many years of MrFodder's life, I would feel even more terrible having brought a child into the world that I didn't want anymore. That I had grown bored of. Since I can't see into the future, I can't guarantee that that will never happen.

The other thought I had while at lunch was whether every parent is just waiting for an opportunity to talk about their kids. Michael and MrBrioche rarely talk about their children, probably because we're talking about other things and they just never come up. But once they started, it felt like there was no stopping. Although I guess part of it is that they were both trying to reassure me that I'd be fine taking care of my own kids, and that now would be a good time to start.

As selfish as this sounds, I don't want to begin living vicariously through my children. I still have so many things that I want to see and do. I wrote a post earlier about having purpose in life, and I feel like the little activities I do to improve myself bring purpose to me. I live by the philosophy that you should leave something in a better condition than when you found it, and I would like to die knowing that the world is a better place in some way, even if that is briefly bringing light to someone else's life. Would I be able to do that and raise a child / children at the same time? I would lose time for all of my little projects.

Lastly, what if I turn out to be a terrible parent? I'm sure most people have kids with the idea that their kid will be amazing. They have all kinds of ideas on what kind of person they'll raise them to be, and be excited at the prospect of sharing their hobbies with their kids. But it doesn't always work out. My mum kept saying she wanted me to marry some rich guy and live an easy life, a dream that seemed to die once I showed absolutely no aptitude for beauty or any of the required skills to snare someone rich. Then she wanted me to go into medicine or law, and, well... given that there's a "programming" tag for this blog, we can all work out how well that went. I feel like I'm the opposite of what my mum would have wanted, and feel like I'm constantly letting her down.

Normally, I'd join them for coffee after lunch, by which I mean I sit there while they drink coffee, but I couldn't today, because I felt like if we had kept talking, I probably would have burst into tears, which would have been super unprofessional. Why can't I be normal for once? I'll probably feel differently in a year, so I'll be able to look back on this post and see how I've matured.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to get all sad. The steamed bun rolls from Roll'd were really nice. The bun was sweet, but not too sweet, and the fillings were delicious, especially the tofu. I have been to Roll'd plenty of times, but never ordered anything other than the BBQ chicken or tofu soldiers, so I made myself try something new. Even though they're probably less healthy, I prefer the taste of the bao over the soldiers, so I'm glad I did.

People I am Grateful For - Z

If you're reading this, then it means that I am now married! That means MrMan5.5 has been promoted to MrFodder.

I think some of this post will be stolen and converted into my wedding speech.

So some of you might not know how MrFodder and I first met.

There was a duck farm that had just opened about an hour away from the city. The duck farm had an interesting promise - that you'd be able to find your lifelong partner at the farm. Sharon and Graham wanted to go, and I thought why not? At worst, maybe we could eat some delicious duck.

So off we drive to the duck farm, and when we got there there was a sign:

<----------- DUCKS FOR EATING
FIND YOUR TRUE LOVE ------>

We figured we could pick up a duck or two on the way out, but that we'd check out this true love thing since it seemed so silly. So we got into the line, paid $20 asked to go inside. The person at the counter said, "You'll find your true love at the last paddock, just make sure not to step on any ducks!"

Weird request, but OK. We walked through the gate into the first paddock and holy crap, so many ducks. There were ducks walking around everywhere. We carefully sidestepped past the ducks as we made our way towards the next paddock. We walked through the gate and there were even more ducks in the second paddock. It was a lot tougher this time, but we gave it our first shot. Unfortunately, Sharon tripped and ended up stepping on a duck on her way down. There was a loud noise - BEEEEP! Then two men come out dragging an ugly man with them. Possibly the ugliest man I've ever seen. They bring him up to Sharon and chain him up to her. "Congratulations, this is your true love." Sharon gives us a look saying, "Are you serious?" but before she can protest, the drag her out with her new partner. Graham and I try to follow, but the men stop us and say we must continue.

Left alone again in the paddock, Graham and I figure we might as well keep going. So we make it through the next gate, and in this paddock, there are even more ducks. It getting pretty difficult to avoid them, but with small shuffling steps, we make our way across. One of the ducks makes a loud quacking sound, and this startles Graham, who accidentally steps backwards onto a duck. BEEEEEEEEP! The two men come out again, this time dragging a man, uglier than the last one. "Congratulations, this is your true love." Graham slumps his shoulders and follows them, resigned to his fate.

Not wanting the same fate, I carefully make my way to the end of the paddock, and through two more until I find myself in an empty paddock. Two men come to greet me, saying that they will lead me to my true love. BEEEEEEEEP! The lead me out into one of the paddocks, though they tell me not to worry about the ducks, as I had already made it to the end. They led me towards this handsome man, the best looking man that I had ever seen. I was so happy. They chain me up to him and say, "Congratulations, this is your true love." The lead us out of the paddock into a restaurant and say that we should get to know each other over a nice duck meal. I introduce myself, and he responds that his name is MrFodder.

I get to know him, he's smart, he's funny, I'm having the time of my life. Then the waiter comes out with our meal, it's a roast duck. He says, "Congratulations to the both of you, here is the duck he stepped on."

----------------------------------

Jokes aside, there was a day, not long after we first got together, where we had spent the entire day in bed. Eventually, we got hungry and had our first argument - who was going to cook lunch? We weren't even talking a fancy lunch, just the instant Indomie mi goreng noodles. MrFodder's big argument was that I should do it because I'm the best at it. I don't know how you can be the best at boiling water and cooking noodles in a pot, but OK, I accepted that maybe he was a fail whale and I was better at cooking instant noodles than him.

During our relationship, I discovered that I was also the best at turning the lights off before bed, at going to the supermarket to buy snacks, baking cookies, it seemed that if there was anything MrFodder didn't want to do, I was the best at it!

We've been through a lot together. Supported each other in our final years of uni, and finding our first jobs. For a long time I was convinced that I'd never get a job. So many job applications and so many rejections. MrMan5.5 was always really supportive, and helped to keep my spirits up.

MrFodder is the kind of person who would stop his car to clear away a beer bottle in the middle of the road. At the same time, he's the kind of person who, if you say, "I'm hungry", will reply, "Nice to meet you Hungry, I'm MrFodder." Despite his horrible dad jokes, being with MrFodder makes me want to be a better person. I've a very picky eater, and I always order the same thing at restaurants, but he has made me eat more foods. It is because of him that I was brave enough to try what is now one of my favourite foods - taiyaki (a japanese pancake type thing with red bean paste inside). Speaking of Japan, on one of our trips, I wanted to go to the pokemon centre. It's only with MrFodder that I could set out looking for a toy shop and end up in the red-light district of Nagoya. But this story has a happy ending....we found the pokemon centre.

It was his idea to join a gym. We were both horribly unfit, and I still had the crazed notion that playing the Nintendo Wii was a good workout. I would often miss trains by a few seconds because I was too unfit to run 100m to the platform when I could hear the train coming. Now I am fit enough to run to the train station all the way from our house, and I can also do four push-ups!

There are many reasons that I decided to marry MrFodder. He makes me laugh, he is a good cook, he thinks that Tidehunter is a carry in Dota 2. But the main reason that I decided I want to spend the rest of my life with him is because he brings out the best in me.

Not Ironic

It's like rain on your weddin' day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
And who would've thought, it figures
- Alanis Morissette, Ironic

I've had Alanis Morissette's heavily criticised song stuck in my head for the past couple of weeks because, as you might have guessed, the forecast for our wedding is looking quite wet. I don't really care all that much if it does rain, except I'm worried that some people may drive while a little more intoxicated than they should, and the low visibility will not make for a safe drive home.

In a lot of crime shows, characters related to the victim often say things like, "If only I hadn't stayed late at the office, then maybe she wouldn't be dead right now." And the member of law enforcement will reassure them that it wasn't their fault, it was the fault of the person who killed them. But I'm kinda with the victim on this one. If you think about the whole chaos theory, butterfly effect thing, perhaps if you had caught an earlier train home, then the killer might have moved on to a different target due to the lack of opportunity. So I can understand the victim's thought process.

I feel like there are many times in my life where I can pinpoint where one bad decision has lead to a negative result. When MrMan5.5 and I were flying back from South Australia, we stopped to get Hungry Jacks at the airport because I just had to have something to eat, even though the flight wasn't very long, and I wasn't all that hungry. Just before our plane was due to land, that lovely Hungry Jacks meal made it into one of the airplane vomit bags, only there was so much vomit that the bag split at the bottom and spilled all over my shoes. As MrMan5.5 and I dealt with the mess, we forgot that we had left our PSP and Nintendo DS in the seat pocket of the seats in front of us. When we finally made it off the plane, they were the last things on our mind, and by the time we realised, they were on a trip to Queensland. The airport staff put in a missing items record, but we never heard back about our consoles.

That whole experience we've blamed on my unnecessary Hungry Jacks. If I hadn't eaten, then I wouldn't have thrown up so much food, which wouldn't have spilled all over my shoes, etc. We're now at the point where before flying, MrMan5.5 asks me whether I'm absolutely sure that I want to be eating before we hop on the plane. Nothing has been left behind since.

The reason why I'm writing all of this is that I keep having this feeling that someone isn't going to make it home safely on the night of our wedding. And I know a lot of people will tell me that it's not my fault, but if I hadn't chosen to get married, and at that particular venue, then perhaps they wouldn't have wrapped their car around a tree. Who knows? Special K says that I'm being silly, and maybe I am, but this is just my neurotic nature! I really want to have a fleet of taxis on hand just in case some people make some bad decisions, but I imagine a lot of people will turn them down as they won't want to have to take another taxi in order to pick up their car the next day. Attending weddings is already incredibly expensive!

Let's just hope it dries up in the evening.

Homemade Companion Cube Wishing Well

I posted about making a custom Companion Cube for our wishing well. Well, we finally got it done (except there are pink lines that I realised we forgot - oh well)!

I spent a lot of time looking around for a cube shaped box to save us the effort of making it ourselves out of cardboard, because I don't trust my ability to cut 6 perfect squares, and I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have managed to stand up on its own if I made it. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be to find a cube shaped box. I tried Myer and David Jones, all the craft stores I know of, the post office, Daiso, The Reject shop, Kikki K, basically anywhere I could think of that sold gift boxes, or parcel boxes. There were a lot of rectangular ones though! We happened to pass an Ikea as we were visiting our celebrant, and I thought, why not give it a shot? We managed to find an almost cube, it's 32 x 35 x 32cm, but that's close enough for me.

The materials

• Tjena box (from Ikea) - we would have preferred a white one, but this, or darker coloured ones were all we found
• White paint
• Black paint
• Magenta paint (or red, doesn't matter, it's used to make the pink paint for the heart)
• Paint brushes (we had a wide one for the white coat of paint, and a thinner one for the actual colours
• Pencil (not in the photo)
• Scissors (or stanley knife)
• Palette (for the paint, but you can use plastic cups or containers or whatever)
• Cardboard (didn't end up needing it, because the box came with cardboard)
• Clothes that you don't care about getting paint on
• Newspaper or something to put on the ground, so you don't end up painting your house
• A large round thing to trace around (optional - not needed if you can draw a circle freehand)
• A smaller round thing to trace around (optional - not needed if you can draw a circle freehand)
• A heart shaped thing to trace around (optional - not needed if you can draw a heart freehand)

Instructions

Assemble the box.

Coat with white paint (doesn't have to be perfect, but you want a decent layer so the green doesn't show through) - make sure to do this in a well ventilated area!

Draw a large circle on your cardboard (I used a dinner plate). This will be your stencil later. Cut the circle out.

Draw a smaller circle inside the circle you cut out (I dun goofed this part, and should have drawn the smaller circle first, but I drew and cut out the heart first).

 

Might be a bit hard to see with this image, but you want to use your stencils to outline the parts of the box with pencil. Large circle, then small circle inside that, then the heart inside that.

It should look something like this:

Using the cardboard, make some squares on the corner that overlap the larger circle (don't draw into the circle though, draw your line up to the circle). Trace with pencil. Make sure the lines line up on each of the sides. Use existing lines to line up where to place the cardboard.

Using the cardboard again as a ruler (or a real ruler if you have one), draw another line in parallel from the ones you just drew.

In the end, you want something like this:

Mix a bit of the black paint into some of the white paint to make the light grey paint. Paint the sections as in this image:

It's not perfect, but given our artistic ability, I'm happy with how it turned out! How are the guests going to get their gifts inside? Well, I guess they'll just have to think with portals.

Wedding Photo Book Arrived

Unrelated to today's topic, but yesterday, someone at work challenged me to a push-up challenge. It's actually really nice, as I've lost a lot of motivation to work out after the last beep test. I had no goal other than wanting to maintain my current weight, so I was just going to the gym and doing whatever I felt like. If I saw someone using a machine that I thought looked fun, I'd ask one of the instructors how to use it and give it a shot (P.S. the rowing machine isn't nearly as easy as it looks). Now I have some direction! I'm not entirely sure what the challenge involves yet, but I'm going to train for it!

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The photo book for the wedding arrived. I said I'd post some pictures, so I will do it now (they're not as blurry in real life - I've just blurred some of the faces out. Or maybe I got the same person who retouched this painting. Yeah... I'll go with that.

It ended up being 60 pages long, which was quite difficult to fill. I think it took me about 20 hours, all up. So I'm all photobook'd out at the moment. Which is wonderful, because after our wedding, we get to sit with our lovely photographers and make another two photobooks! At least the photos will be a lot nicer, as they'll have been taken by a professional.

I can't remember if I mentioned this before, but the idea of the book was to have it as the guest book that people sign at the wedding. Initially, I wanted to model it off Carl and Ellie's adventure book from the movie Up, but in the end, it didn't really fit, as they were photos of things we'd already done, rather than stuff we wanted to do. I'm really sad that I forgot to put in a photo of Derek Zoolander in there though, as that movie was the movie that brought us together. Although I'm a bit worried that people won't want to draw over the pictures. So maybe I'll have to pretend to sign some names so that the guests will catch on.

I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. The book is pretty big, 12" x 12" (30cm x 30cm), which is why I couldn't hold it up to take photos. Again, the 123Cheese software kept telling me that all of my photos were too low resolution to use in the book, but all of them look fine to me. However, I also can't tell the difference between DVD and Blu Ray, so maybe I am not the best judge. The book took a long time to arrive, and I contacted 123Cheese support, who said they had a huge delay, but that they'd do what they could about getting my order in first. A few days after they emailed me telling me that my order was in production, it arrived in the mail, so the shipping part didn't take very long.

You can also tell about halfway through I really couldn't be bothered anymore. There are a few pages with lots of photos, a nice background, and a bit of a timeline. In the end, I just wanted to get it done so they could ship it in time for the wedding and just slapped together the remaining photos in any order. But shhhh, none of the other guests need to know. I also didn't have many photos, so I added some quotes I found online.

The Last Sprint

I'm trying not to post about wedding stuff too often, as I know it's pretty boring, even though it's a large part of my life right now, but we are hitting the last sprint. I can see the finish line from here. There's just a few more tasks to go (including writing our vows, which I don't know if I even have any writing left in me, but I'm going to try).

I ended up uninviting my bridesmaids to my hen's afternoon, out of anger, and I feel silly re-inviting them, but I'm still going to go ahead with it, because I have already invited my other friends. Picnic was the most popular option, so I think we'll just go with something fairly relaxed like a BBQ or something. It is highly likely that there will be gingerbread. Gingerbread is my life now. I'm actually looking forward to it somewhat, even though I have a feeling there will be drama, I don't care, it's almost over.

We have decided to have a wishing well at our wedding, since we pretty much have everything we need already, and I think if we did do a registry, I'd end up putting all this useless junk on it that I feel like I want in the moment, but after receiving it, realise that I really don't need. You have no idea how many times I've looked at an ice-cream maker, and been tempted to buy one. Except I remember when I was doing research into finding one that is good at making soy ice-cream (harder to make because of the lower fat content), and I didn't end up managing to find any. Not to mention that some of them are pretty damn loud, and our freezer is too small to fit one of those bowls, so the only ones we could buy are the ones that don't require you to pre-freeze the bowl beforehand. Yeah, I think if we had gone with a registry, I'd have put lots of useless junk, but MrMan5.5 would have put nothing. So in the end, even if it is a bit tacky, I'm glad we went with the wishing well. Plus, it makes me feel a bit better about dreaming of putting all of my money on red in Monaco.

I've been looking for a wishing well for a while, and I couldn't really find anything. With a flash of inspiration from my favourite electrical engineer, we decided to try and make our own, modeled on the companion cube from Portal. I will post pics if it ends up looking somewhat decent. It's just a matter of buying the cardboard and putting it together. I'm sure someone else has done it, so we can just matter of finding instructions.

http://offbeatbride.com/2014/06/companion-cube-card-box

I think I could do that. Or this:

http://windupbobomb.tumblr.com/post/8082277215/how-to-make-a-companion-cube-gift-box-and-more

There are instructions for ones made out of wood that look amazing, but I don't have a saw, so I don't think I could pull that off. The other issue is what am I going to do with it after the wedding? It's not as easy to toss out as some cardboard.

All in all, as I mentioned before, I'm pretty meh about the whole thing, we have the essentials, and that's the important part. However, I am a bit more excited about it. And I think I have become less bridezilla, and I'm not frustrated at my failure of a hen's afternoon anymore. Still counting the days until it's over though.

-------------------------------------------

Today I learned that Berthel Nordström is Sweden's most "Digital Senior". I don't know if that's self-awarded, but he seems pretty cool based on the AMA he did with a woman who spent her first week on the Internet.

Agile Wedding

I told some people at work about our Wedding planning agile board, and they keep telling me I'm really nerdy, but I think it really helps.

Agile software development is becoming quite popular these days, which is funny, because in the subject we had about software development, the lecturer kinda poo-pooed the whole thing as rubbish, but having used it in practice, I can see how handy it is. If you can't be bothered reading the Wikipedia article, here's the gist of it.

The old method was to define the software, then move on to building the software, then testing it, to make sure it works, then shipping it. Usually, there is quite a long gap between the definition stage, and the shipping stage, and often things have moved on, and what eventually gets built was not what they wanted. To find that out when shipping means a huge amount of money is wasted. Instead, agile tries to smaller define, build, test, ship cycles, where you start building the essential features, and expand from there, checking at each shipping stage whether you're still on the right track. Because you've built something tangible, even if it's small, the end users can offer feedback because they can actually see/use it. This also means if the end user thinks what you've built so far is completely wrong halfway through your process, they tell you earlier and you can make changes faster.

One of the tools used in agile development is a story wall. Each task is broken down into "stories" that define a particular thing that needs to be done, and what criteria that activity has before being considered completed. You estimate roughly how large each story is, so you have a rough idea of how long it'll take, and then each person picks one or more stories and runs with them, with the idea being they pick up more stories than they can realistically complete in a pre-defined cycle (e.g. 3 weeks). Stories are arranged in order of priority, so you know what the important things are. It's really important to remember that not every story needs to be completed, which is why there is a prioritisation step. Cards were sorted into 4 columns:

• Backlog: Cards that hadn't been picked up yet
• In Progress: Cards that were currently assigned to one of us
• In Testing: Cards that were just waiting to hear back from someone (e.g. waiting for confirmation from a vendor)
• Done: Cards that had been completed

So MrMan5.5 and I sat down and worked out all the tasks we needed to complete for the wedding. We sorted out dependencies (stories that rely on other stories to be complete) and estimated them. Then we sorted them by priority. The idea was that every Sunday, we would get together (in a "stand up") and report the status of our current story/stories, and re-prioritise if necessary. That way we could keep track of who was doing what (to avoid doubling up on things), and get an idea of how close we were to having the entire wedding planned.

Well, as Sun Tsu says, no battle plan ever survived first contact with the enemy, and things did not quite go as smoothly as we thought. The fact that the wedding was so far away, and that we had more pressing issues to deal with at work made it really easy to slack off. The Sunday "stand ups" happened once, and it was on a Tuesday. However, I think the card system worked well. It was good knowing that we both had tasks assigned to each other, and when we finally did complete tasks, it was nice to move the cards over to the "Done" column.

We took a look last week, and we really only have seven cards left in the backlog, which means we're nearly done with the wedding! I've been stressing a lot about it lately, and wondering if we were going to get things done in time, but I feel a lot better about it now. There were a few cards that we ended up tossing, as we realised they're not all that important in the grand scheme of things. Having the story wall helped us decide that as well.

Even now, the last few tasks are mostly nice-to-haves. We have all the essential things in order to have a wedding: someone to officiate it, somewhere to get married, clothes to wear at the wedding, guests to see us be married. All the rest is icing on the cake, really.

Wedding Blues

Planning a wedding is so damn hard. I can see why some weddings can end up costing a small country, because it's just this constant barrage. "Oh, you're looking for flowers, I know a guy." Then you meet the flowers guy who knows someone who does centerpieces, who knows someone who does dresses. It's just the bombardment of people who know people who know people. As soon as they hear you're in the wedding game, they're all trying to sell you things. I feel like to them, I'm just a big pot of gold, but in reality, we're not even close.

I called the florist my aunt suggested, and I told her my budget. She straight out said, that my budget was ridiculous, and before I could thank her for her time, she started talking about her low-cost offerings that were still outside my budget. After a few minutes of sales talk, I managed a measly, "I'll get back to you, thanks for your time" and hung up. Then I went online and found something that is within my budget. As much as I'd like to support friends and  family, I just wish they would respect my request. Although, maybe it's my fault, as I didn't really want to tell the florist that I honestly did not care if the flowers came out of my backyard, though I'd prefer it if they were pretty and matched the colour scheme.

Saying no over and over again is getting me really down. I've actually started lying to people now just to try and get them off my back. I know people are trying to be helpful, and I really appreciate it, but it's exhausting. Especially when it's direct friends, or friend of friends/family, I don't want to be rude, so I really struggle with saying no outright, even when on the inside I am thinking, "I can't justify spending $150 on five flowers and some ribbon!" I find it much easier to say no to complete strangers. If I ever get married again, I'm not telling anyone until everything is organised and the invitations have been sent out. Although, if I ever get married again, it's definitely going to be a much smaller wedding. I've done my duty to the family and organised a big wedding..

The other part that's really getting me down is the time sink. We didn't take any leave over the Christmas break because we were saving it for the honeymoon, and with full time work, weekends are pretty much our only time to recharge. But between wedding stuff and social obligations, that time is quickly fading away. Even though I'd much rather sleep a bit more, I've been trying to squeeze in a few Dota games when I can because my brain is so tired from thinking about other things, it's really nice to disconnect for a bit and just relax. Even at the gym all I can think about is the wedding and how little time we have left to organise things.

Which brings me to the saddest part to report. I have been resolving to work more on my lower libido, and watching porn and reading erotic literature has helped a bit, but right now, even though I know that I should, I really can't bring myself to do it. For one, I am really picky about the porn that I watch (although I think that's normal, not everything suits everyone, after all). It usually takes me about half an hour to find something that's worth watching all the way to the end, and even then, it might not be enough, so I have to go and find something else. I think it's worse with literature. I tried a couple of nights ago, and ended up reading a story about a man who promised his now-dead wife he would sing in some American Idol type show. I was quite a way into it before I realised there was absolutely nothing erotic about the story. Not that it was a bad story, but it wasn't what I was looking for at the time.

MrMan5.5 is really understanding, and he never pressures me into anything, but I feel like I am letting him down.

I am really struggling to keep up with my resolution right now, but that's to be expected. If it were easy to keep resolutions, then it wouldn't be so important to make them. Plus, I just think of poor George R. R. Martin, who has so much pressure from fans to finish the next book in the A Song of Ice and Fire series that writing a crappy blog post each night isn't all that difficult in comparison. I am going to get to 100 days! I can completely understand bridezillas now, I feel like this wedding is bringing out the worst in me.

Henny Penny

Another one from the drafts folder, from quite a few years ago! Too busy playing Dota and making bad vegan, gluten-free gingerbread today.
----------------------------------
I went to a friend's bachelorette party a few nights ago, and she got us to sit in a circle and go around saying things about her. Somehow, the topic changed to why she was marrying her soon-to-be husband, and she hesitated for a very long time then said, "It just happened." Everyone was shocked at the answer. How can your reason for marrying someone be because it just happened (we ruled out the shotgun wedding as both of them are very religious - though someone did ask and she adamantly denied it)? Personally, I think the question isn't that easy to answer. I could say MrMan5.5 is nice, funny, smart, etc., but so are many other people in the world, so what makes me want to be with MrMan5.5 more than anyone else?

Some of the bride-to-be's friends weren't so shy about their opinions, and they demanded to know why she was going through with the wedding if she couldn't even give a reason for wanting to marry her fiance. They said that as her friends, they didn't want her to get married because she felt an obligation to get married, but because she wanted to, and from what she was saying, we pretty much got the impression that she wasn't entirely sure that she wanted to. Some of her friends were even pressuring her to rethink the wedding. Is that what friends are meant to do? Do friends really know what's best?

I think that if MrMan5.5's friends were to look at our relationship, they would think that I was bad for him, as I am usually quite mean to him and tease him almost all the time, but we are different when we are alone together. None of our friends see when he is there for me when I am having troubles with my family, or how he always makes sure that I am OK. So how can they really judge if he is the right one for me?

I wonder what my friend thinks of us now. I hope she doesn't decide to cancel the wedding because of us, and then regret it for the rest of her life. I think there is definitely a threshold, for instance, if one partner was extremely abusive, or secretly cheating, I'd definitely tell my friend, and I'd hope my friends would do the same for me. However, seemingly incompatible personality is a tough one. There is a lot that goes on behind the scenes, and it's almost impossible to have the full story. Plus, if you're only friends with one side of the couple, then you're only ever going to get their version of the events anyway. Still, when it comes to big decisions like marrying someone, you'd want to know that your friend is making the right decision, right?

----------------------------------------------------

Well, a few years later, and I guess a lot has changed. The wedding was not cancelled, and they got married and have a kid together now. The rest is what I've heard from mutual friends, as I have not seen them since.

The mother-in-law told the soon-to-be-groom about the hen's night, and he was considering cancelling the wedding - let's just say, the bride-to-be got quite familiar with the stripper under a towel (she's the reason I am 100% against having a stripper if I even have a hen's night). There was a lot of shouting and bringing up things that happened in the past, and of course, lots of blaming. I guess the whole thing made he realise she did want to marry him, as otherwise, she had just found an out - though a rather shameful one at that. Who wants to be the person who got dumped the night before her wedding because of a stripper?

More hearsay: things aren't going all that well between the two. She is not too happy about his job, and even her sisters-in-law, who she had grown quite close to, don't really speak to her that often anymore, as they think she's a bit of a diva.

Looking at Facebook, it seems like they are enjoying their marriage to each other. Though I guess that goes back to what I said earlier: it's hard to judge what's really going on under the covers.

If someone were to ask the question to me, I'm not sure I could answer off the top of my head. I've been sitting here for 20 minutes writing this post, you'd think something would have come to me. I guess I just want to spend the rest of my life with MrMan5.5. He makes me happy (most of the time), and I think that I make him happy, too. I really like snuggling up with him in bed (except on stinking hot days like today), and it makes me feel happy that he's there next to me when I wake up in the morning. I like that he's always willing to try my cooking, even though it sounds horrible. I just really like a lot of stuff about him, and I can't imagine life without him. Though that all sounds really sappy, and I'd feel incredibly embarrassed saying that to people in real life. So maybe my friend has her reasons, but she considers them private. I'm glad I didn't pressure her to delay the wedding.

I'm Not Going

I think I had my first nearly-Bridezilla moment on Sunday. Responses to our wedding invitation are starting to come in. Some of my family members aren't able to make it because they're too old and don't feel comfortable making the drive. Some will be overseas at the time. All understandable stuff. However, when my mum told me that my aunt said she isn't able to come because she has patients booked all the way up until April, my BS alarm was going off at full volume. And so was hers, she looked really upset that my aunt (my dad's sister-in-law, not mum's) wasn't going to make it.

At the time, I felt really petty. I planned to call up her office and try to make an appointment on the day of our wedding. Then, assuming I am correct and her excuse is a complete lie, would leave my name as Myaunt Isaliar. She has had four months' notice of the date of our wedding, and I admit, I am not familiar with how far in advance some people book their appointments, but four months sounds like a bit of a stretch. e piano lessons), she says that she is always happy to babysit her grandchildren at short notice.

MrMan5.5 asked me if I would have preferred if she had just told me, "I don't want to go to your wedding," and it might sound strange, but I'm leaning towards yes. At least I could have asked her why, and if there was an issue, we could have worked to resolve it. Now I am just left to figure out why.

I'm pretty sure it's because we said no children under the age of 3 are allowed to our wedding, which means her daughter can't come, as she has a one-year-old child, and just gave birth to another. This was not intended as a child-free rant, but I have a feeling it's going to turn into one. To be honest, I don't understand the fascination with newborns. People always hand me one like it's the biggest joy in the world to be holding their baby, and all I can think is, "I don't want to drop this thing." I am in terror the entire time. Maybe it'd be different if I had kids, but right now, I really struggle to understand.

Though that's not even why we put it there, the venue requests that we don't have children under the age of 3. Maybe because they don't have baby changing facilities, or maybe because they don't want to have to cater for them, I don't know, we never asked.

Anyway, I saw the light, and regardless of what my aunt's real reason for not wanting to attend our wedding is, I should just accept that she doesn't want to come. I am the queen of holding grudges, but this probably isn't a good time to start one. They are family after all. Blood is thicker than water. If they don't want to come, then it just means that we can invite other people who might actually like us. A part of me is a bit sour that she couldn't even tell me to my face (as we saw each other at a different cousin's engagement party), and had to say it to my mother instead, but again, just going to live with it. I'm not owed an explanation, they can do whatever they want.

Another reason I thought of is that maybe they are a bit short of money at the moment. Which would make sense as a reason they'd lie about, because it's embarrassing to admit that you are tight with money. I can sort of see it being the case, as their daughter is not working at the moment due to taking care of her kids, and I don't think her husband is employed. That's probably the reason I'll go with in my head, even if it's not too likely given other circumstances. Why attribute to malevolence what can be explained by something less harmful, like shame?

Oh, her husband called me a hippie when I was 12-years-old and talked about donating to the Red Cross. So maybe they really do hate me. I guess I'm just not used to being hated.

The Proposal

Another Reddit inspired post.

TL;DR: A guy's girlfriend has been pressuring him to propose to her. He doesn't entirely feel like the time is right, but due to the pressure, he proposes anyway. 

"I planned to take her into town to a really nice hotel in downtown Chicago. We had a great time, had dinner, and went to a roottop club above the hotel. When we returned to the room, there were rose petals leading to the bed and the ring. I proposed and she said yes, and everything seemed fine. We had wine and celebrated into the night."

She gets upset that his proposal was predictable, and that they had to get the ring re-sized (another problem with it). She demands that he does it again, but won't tell him what she wants because that'll ruin it.

I never really thought about the proposal (before it happened). In fact, we both joked that the person who accepts the proposal would have to wear the dress at the wedding, so for a while, both of us were jokingly proposing to each other to avoid having to be the one who wears the dress. I honestly think though, that in our case, it wasn't a matter of if we would made that commitment, but rather when, which is how it should be.

So on to the actual proposal. I spoke to MrMan5.5 about it recently, and it appears that we both remember it differently, but here is my version:

I had just woken up, and it was a horrible-for-hayfever Spring day. I was meant to be going to a friend's farm that day, but given how bad I was inside the house, I told him that I couldn't make it, and end up laying in bed instead. MrMan5.5 had already woken up, and he came in to check on me (as he used to be the one who had to drag me out of bed in the morning), and we both ended up lying in bed talking.

Then he turns over to me and says:

"Do you want to marry me?"

I thought it was just another joke proposal, so I replied, "Are you joking?"

He paused, and it really looked to me like he was going to say, "Yes, I'm joking, I just don't want to wear the dress." But what he actually ends up saying is, "Nope."

I said, "Really, really?"

He replied, "Really, really."

So I said, "OK."

And that was it, we became engaged. He didn't have a ring, we ordered one online later.

Afterwards, I kinda felt a bit disappointed. I thought there would be ice cream, or at least cake. When I think about it now, it just feels so right. So us. Neither of us is into big flashy things. To be perfectly honest, even though we keep getting Village Gold Class tickets as presents, I think we prefer just the regular seating, or even better, just relaxing on the couch at home watching in Blu Ray. We both hate dressing up to go out, though we do enjoy good food.

Sometimes I feel bad telling people about the proposal. I told someone at work and her response was, "Oh, is that all?" I felt horrible, like she was going to think badly of MrMan5.5, and I couldn't work out how to explain that I wondering where the roses were, or why there wasn't an orchestra playing my favourite song. All I was thinking about was that I had finally found someone who was willing to spend the rest of their life with me. Which I know I said earlier it was just a case of when for us, but having him say it just made it real.

And so this is the story of why I'll be wearing the dress at our wedding.

Glass Slipper

I'm guessing the super-couple is a pretty staple thing in most high schools - that couple that seems so good together, and you know that they're going to get married, buy a house and have kids together. For me, it was Huey and Jamie. They would hang out a lot together after school and on weekends, I was told that they spent hours on the phone together, and while there was some drama every now and again, they were really stable. The first few years after we left high school, things sounded like they were going really well.

The wonders of Facebook mean that I get to find out whether they did have that happily ever after, and the answer is no. A post came up in my feed with her saying she is so happy to be with this other guy, and that's when I realised they had broken up. It was so shattering to me. This was Huey and Jamie of the "Huey & Jamie 4 eva". It seemed like nothing was going to break them apart. Hollywood lied to me. The girl gets the guy, but can she keep him for ever and ever? When he puts the glass slipper on her foot and tells her she's the one, does he really mean "the one.... for now"?

I'm a really neurotic person. The kind of person who worries about leaving the stove on, and if I did any ironing, I'd probably fret over the iron being on, too. One of the things that I constantly worry about is MrMan5.5's safety. Maybe he got hit by a car, mugged, or fell down into a hole with no phone reception, and nobody around to hear him. Then I get hit with this panicked feeling of what I'd do without him, and my brain just shuts down. Does not want to process. (I should probably see someone about this....)

In light of all the break-ups I see around me, and the fact that my co-workers fairly regularly complain about their wives, I can't help but wonder how long until MrMan5.5 sees the light and moves on. I was trying to help one of my friends get over his break-up, and said that sometimes people change, and they no longer have the feelings they had previously. He asked what the point was, if the person that you emotionally invest yourself in can just up and leave? I think maybe I waffled on about taking risks, better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, and that kind of rubbish, but I'm actually starting to think he has a point. I want to be the person that MrMan5.5 stays with for the rest of his life, but the person that he is now isn't the same person that he will be in 5 years.

Julian says that women get away with a lot, and that men are usually willing to put up with a lot of crap in order to have stable sex. I also know that it does become a problem for a lot of couples later in their marriage, as the wife usually loses the desire for sex. I have seen it in myself. I have a theory that sex was a kind of procrastination for me. When I was a uni student, I thought about it a lot, probably because I had a lot of spare time, and a lot of things that I wanted to put off doing. Contrast to now, where I feel like I have very little spare time, due to work, and the list of things I want/need to do during that spare time is fairly long. I'm usually thinking about work, what I want to eat (this actually takes up a huge amount of my mental capacity - I spend a lot of time thinking about food), exercise, Dota 2, what I plan to do during the rest of the week. There is very little room in my mind for sex these days, which has the unfortunate side-effect of me just not feeling like it.

Char says this is really bad, and that I need to work on it, which I am. I don't know how she does it, as she is also working full time, yet still has a healthy libido. I'm making a conscious effort to think about it more, but I assume that as life goes on, and you introduce kids, and more and more difficult work, it'll slowly die out. Is this why some couples find that their sex life dies after marriage? When I was at uni, I was so sure that I wasn't going to be one of those wives who gets into bed, turns the light off, and passes out, but now I'm not so sure.

A woman made a post on a forum asking why she wasn't able to attract men with a certain salary range, and one man who claimed to be in that salary range basically said that she was a bad investment as his assets would increase in value, and hers (looks) would decrease. If the only thing she was contributing was an attractive face and body, and the sex that goes with it, then it would only make sense to rent and not buy, as you can just trade in for a newer model every few years. Not that MrMan5.5 is in it for my body and face, but thinking about my assets (my wonderful wit and ability to check for danger in a first aid situation), those will also naturally dry up as I get older, too. I guess unlike the "brainless beauty" stereotype, I am also in a profession that is capable of making money well after I get saggy boobs, but to be honest, it's not particularly one I relish in, and so I don't know how long it's viable for me to chalk that up as an "asset".

Rationally, MrMan5.5 would be better renting than buying, yet he still proposed and we do intend to get married some day. I thought maybe he was just pot committed - he had invested so much in this relationship that it'd be a waste to just toss it out. Yet there are people who have been married for 20+ years who get divorced, so there is nothing to say that won't happen to me. It's just my risk averse nature that makes me want to avert the possibility of that happening as much as I can, and a part of it is saying, "Well, if you never get on the horse, you can't fall off." Which is a bit ridiculous, because if you never take that risk, and you are interested in finding someone to share your life with, then you'll never be able to truly commit to someone as you have one foot out the door ready to bolt at the first sign of trouble. So it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I do have a solution, and that's the baby trap, as I know MrMan5.5's sense of duty would mean that he would want to raise that child as best as he could, but I would be so sad if I knew that the only reason he stayed with me was because of our child(ren).

So I don't know, how can you ever know whether someone will really be with you happily ever after? I'm going through a phase at the moment where I am trying to improve myself to increase my value to MrMan5.5, but what if I'm dumping all of my stats in X when I should really be working on Y? I don't know what Future MrMan5.5 will want. I guess all I can really do is try my best, it'll hurt if I fail, but I did the best that I could. I think I'm also fortunate that when we have had problems in the past, he has been willing to at least try to work it out, so hopefully I won't just wake up to an empty bed and a note on the kitchen counter some day.

Engagement LAN: The Aftermath

The weekend just gone was our Engagement LAN, which finally happened, years after the idea was initially suggested. I had an event imagined in my mind, but the real thing was not like I imagined. I feel like this is a dry run for the actual wedding, since we got to experience a lot of wedding-like hiccups, and had to deal with similar things that would have come up during a wedding. I was even joking with MrMan5.5 that I was going to be a Bridezilla since this was one of the few days that I could make all about me.

There were so many things that went wrong: we left the spare batteries at home - and also the BBQ equipment (although that didn't matter in the end, as there was a total fire ban that day); the day was due to be 40 degrees, and I think someone said it hit 44 at some point; we had a cockroach infestation in the building; all the tournaments were behind; the late RSVP; sound not working for the PS3 and XBox 360; multiplayer hadn't been unlocked for WarioWare; conversations were being recorded in the stream; losing at Dota 2 to MrMan5.5; someone not sitting in their allocated seating; fridge was broken and unable to cool the drinks before arrival; Magic draft taking up more people than planned; the university's confusing road layout.

I have a whole new outlook on RSVPs now. I was actually pretty terrified that nobody would show up when I found out that there were a couple of birthday parties that were on the same weekend that a large group of people who were invited to ELAN were also invited to. Many people were listed as "maybes" or hadn't responded at all, and chasing them up was a headache. I am going to be far more diligent about responding to invitations from now on - and actually following through on my response (i.e. if I say that I'm going to go, I will actually go, instead of bailing on the day).

Someone accepted the invitation 1 hour before the event was due to start. To be honest, I was so angry when that happened. I know it wasn't a real wedding, but who RSVPs to a wedding 1 hour before?! I had already set out the seat plan, but luckily someone said they didn't need a seat as they just planned to play games, so there was a spare seat close to that person's other friends.

Speaking of the seating plans, the reason why I wanted to do it was because I found out about all this drama between various people. There were all these people who secretly didn't like X, or had some UST between them, etc., it felt a bit like a Professor Layton puzzle, trying to keep people with their friends, but avoiding seating people who hate each other near each other. There were no big arguments, at least not that I was aware of, or not due to gaming, so I think the seating went OK - despite one person not sitting in their assigned seat. -_-

Tournament-wise, I knew the schedule was a bit ambitious, but I didn't think it'd be 5 hours behind ambitious. I feel bad for people who showed up because I asked them to play in a particular tournament for me, but the game didn't end up running because we were too busy with other things.

I think that's another thing that I really need to learn: to delegate tasks to others. I just wanted everyone to have fun, so I didn't want someone to feel like they were "working" at the event, but I think that some of the people who were there would have been happy to help out if they were asked. I guess it also didn't help that a large subset of my friends did not know anyone other than that small niche (or only knew a few others), i.e. my Wow friends, my work magic friends, my work LoL friends, my work grad friends, my 440 friends, my chess club friends, my CSSE uni friends, my anime club friends, my second floor friends. I didn't want anyone to feel left out, so I tried to make sure I spent time with all of them. Meshu was really great though, introducing himself to others, and making friends. Rangers as well.

I really felt like the entire event was a disaster, and I wanted to just run away from it all, but MrMan5.5 pulled me aside told me that people were enjoying themselves despite all of the problems. Definitely one of the reasons I'm marrying the guy.

Overall, the event wasn't what I expected, but in hindsight, and without all the sleep deprivation, I have to say it ended up being much better than I expected. I really wish there hadn't been cockroaches though, as they were the main reason I didn't get any sleep.

Edit: The event going so well is also a testament to how great the friends we have are.

Never the Bridesmaid

One of the things that comes with being engaged (yes, GP, this isn't some elaborate prank on you) is having to plan a wedding, which also involves choosing the bridal party (and groomal party?). We have to have 3 each, because MrMan5.5 has 3 really close friends, so I need 3 to be symmetrical. Being someone who loves patterns as much as I do, I had originally planned to have a good friend from primary school (Tash), a good friend from high school (Sharon) and a good friend from uni (QC), so they would represent me from different parts of my life. I kinda felt bad asking Tash to be a bridesmaid though, as she has been with her boyfriend for longer than MrMan5.5 and I have been together, and they seem to have hit a bit of an uncertain patch at the moment. I thought it might feel a bit too much like rubbing it in her face if I asked.

So to learn from the experiences of other brides that I know, I thought I'd just go with easygoing bridesmaids instead - people who won't cause drama, but people who have also played an important part in my life. Again, Sharon was the first one to jump to mind, but the next person to jump to mind was slightly unusual. Unusual because he is male. But I think he has played a very important part in my life, and I attribute a lot of my university life to him. From a chaos theory point of view, he was the butterfly that flapped his wings, and the hurricane was the events in my life that stemmed from that point. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we hadn't met, I think I probably would have spent all of my uni time at the chess club and then.... Pandy....

On a side note, I also invited him to my hen's night (when I have it), and he declined saying he couldn't because only girls are meant to go to the hen's night. So I invited him to the hen's night as the stripper instead. Perhaps I crossed a line in our friendship, as I now realise that was a strange request. He didn't seem to take it too badly, but he still declined.

Anyway, it made me think about how few female friends I have that I feel like I can associate with. I lost a large chunk of my life to WoW, and other than Charlotte, there are no females that I know in real life (I don't count Vamp, because we don't even talk) who can ever understand what that's like. I guess it was never really a problem for me, because I had plenty of people I could talk to about WoW. It wasn't just WoW, there were so many people to talk to in the game that it was pretty easy to find someone who was happy to have a chat about any topic I wanted to discuss.

Begin: my life as an inverted penis. Someone told me that it's a compliment that guys find me easy to talk to, but I disagree. OK, maybe it's a compliment, but I don't think it's a good thing. Back in the days of MrMan1 was when it first occured to me. We were at a LAN together and he farted. Not end of the world stuff, and I still liked him after that, but one of his friends was so surprised that he would fart in front of a girl. He said, "Nah, it's OK, it's just Anna." It took me a year to realise that I had been friend zoned.

During that time, I could never work out why so many guys were perfectly fine with opening up to me, but there was never anything more. "One of the guys" was pretty much the story of my life. One of RB's friends told me over MSN that I didn't have to worry about him trying to steal me, because he considered me one of the guys. I hadn't even met the guy and he was already friend zoning me (not that I was interested, but that's besides the point)!

It's something that I probably never will be able to prove without invading people's privacy, but I think there is the type of talk between guys that happens when it's just guys. Then there's the type of talk when it's an inverted penis and some guys (which is more polite than the only guys, but not that much more). Then there's the type of talk when there are guys and non-inverted penis girls. Oh, then there's the talk when there are girls and girls, I think it's the same regardless of inverted penis status.

I think that clan chat when Char was around was of the third type, and it was nice. Even though it had nothing to do with me, it felt like I was a girl! Although, it was probably because they didn't realise Char is an inverted penis as well, so they were probably being polite until her true nature came out. Either way, it was nice having another girl in the game. Everyone was so much better behaved. OK, maybe calling Char an inverted penis is not quite right, maybe she's more of a hybrid female/inverted penis. I think she has found a good balance between inverted penishood and being a female.

If I were a real girl, and not an inverted penis, I wouldn't have this problem of not being able to find a bridesmaid. I wonder if Auto took me seriously when I asked him....

Moving Forward

Guess I should put the important stuff at the top, since not everyone will read all the way down to the bottom. Have handed in my letter of resignation, and so won't have any income until next year. This means I shouldn't spend so much on Christmas and I know I said that I was going to do this last year, but last year I made eclairs and transporting them around wasn't so easy. So I'm thinking shortbread and gingerbread, but that doesn't seem like enough variety. I want to make eclairs again, because they're fun to make, but the cream is a problem. :( Mince pies, which are more Christmas-y will probably have the same problem. So does anyone have any suggestions for what I should include?

Now that I have a full time job, and will be starting soon, it seems like I have started thinking about the big stuff quite a lot, in particular, the 3 Ms: moving out, marriage and motherhood.

MrMan5.5 and I are planning to start looking at places to move out after we get back from Japan. I know we're not going to be able to afford some super fancy place, but I think that if we're going to live somewhere, it's a good idea to think about the things that are important to me, and the things that aren't so important. I've lived not far from the CBD my whole life, and so I would prefer to be close, but I think in the end, if I have to travel, I have to travel. It's not that important to me to live really close if it means paying a lot more, and giving up something else. I don't want to live in some apartment the size of a shoebox just so I can be right in the heart of the CBD.

The most important thing to me would have to be a decent kitchen. When I was planning my ninja move out earlier, I saw so many places that had what I wouldn't even call a kitchen. I'm not expecting about a modern, stainless-steel kitchen, but honestly, if there is only a microwave, that hardly constitutes a "kitchen".

What I'd also like, but isn't essential, is enough space to have people over for dinner. It's something I've always wanted to do, but I don't really expect to be able to do it in the first place I move out to. Mum doesn't like having people over, and she or dad almost always cooks dinner, so it's not really something I can do now, but I really like the idea of having a few friends over for dinner. Maybe we can watch a movie or something afterwards. Just a relaxing night in. Plus, it'll give me a chance to practice my cooking!

Probably because Lucy likes weddings so much, and because I've had an all-time high number of friends get married this year(2), I've been thinking about marriage a lot. I read an article by a woman who commended on the fact that women are meant to wear an engagement ring, and men aren't. Does that mean women are taken off the market the moment they say "Yes", but men don't make the jump until the big day? I also wondered where does the man's wedding ring come from? Is he meant to buy his own ring when he proposes, or is she meant to have a ring to preempt his proposal? Or is she meant to buy the ring later after she accepts? I asked Lucy and she said that Julian gave her a ring when he proposed, and she bought a ring for him later.

So that begs the question, what do you do when the woman proposes? If I wanted to pop the question to MrMan5.5, am I meant to buy myself a ring? If he says yes, is he also agreeing to pay for the ring? Can I buy him a ring, and then he wears an engagement ring instead of me (but then people might think that he's married when he's not)? The biggest question I want to know the answer to, is does he become the bride and I become the groom?

I was talking to Lucy about potential bridesmaids, after she and Kelly have both had trouble with the whole bridesmaid thing. She said that it's important to pick bridesmaids that are easy-going, as the day is meant to be about you, not them, and if they're not easy-going, then they'll cause drama on your big day. I think maid of honour would have been easy to pick, but since MrMan5.5 has 3 good male friends, I'd have to pick two other bridesmaids, and the third one I'm a bit unsure about. If I could have groomsmen, then it would be so much easier I think. The number of easy-going guys who I have known for a long time, and feel close to is much higher than the number of easy-going girls who I have known for a long time and feel close to.

Then I just remind myself, that neither of us has accepted a marriage proposal, so why not cross this bridge when I get to it?

Being a mother seems like such a daunting prospect. The thing is, every time it comes up, and I mention that I'd like to do experiments on my children, I get told that I'm a horrible person. Only a few people have asked me what kind of experiments I'd like to do - and in case anyone has forgotten, I did study developmental psychology, and one of the most respected researchers in that field did a lot of his observations on his own children. So can you really fault me for wanting to find some stuff out with my own? I don't think I want to become a researcher, as I really don't want to get into that whole mess of author/co-author, who gets credit? I also don't want to have to mess around with ethics committees and sucking up to people so that I can get funding.

I'm just waiting for MrMan5.5's friend to finish his cloning/gene splitting research so that I can have 8 genetically identical children in order to rule out genetic factors.

It feels like an exciting time of change, and I'm looking forward to it. :)