Saturday 27 November 2010

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

(break from stats for a bit)
Kelso: Dr Reed.
Elliot: Mr Murdoch was admitted with a COPD exacerbation, he responded well to antibiotics, bronchodialators, but he did develop a rash on his... ummm... private area.
Kelso: Sorry, on his what?
Elliot: His peepers.
Kelso: Excuse me?
Elliot: His schwing schwong.
Kelso: Dr Reed, it's bad enough that you run out on a patient in the middle of a pelvic exam, but you are a doctor and you need to be able to say simple, clinical words, like penis, or vagina, or anal.
Elliot: Anal is not a dirty word, sir.
Kelso: Tell that to my wife.
-Scrubs, My Dirty Secret

A friend of mine who suddenly has significantly more time to game with me had me wondering what the change was. He said that his usual gaming partner was busy doing something else, to which I made a few inquiries as to what said activity was, and he was pretty vague about it. I made the obligatory porn comment, and my friend replied, "He doesn't watch porn."

As an aside, I should add that it seems silly that there's an expectation that all males watch porn and all females don't. However, there are many, many females who are quite vocal about their porn watching habits and applauded for being so open, so why is it that when a guy states that he doesn't watch porn is he instantly called a liar?

Anyway, I was filled with disbelief, and asked how my friend knew his friend didn't watch porn. His reply was that his friend just didn't seem interested in sex. I asked him how he knew, and he replied that his friend just never talked about it, or mentioned it, or did anything to show that he was interested in it.

While I don't want to fall into the automatic assumption that he is watching porn because he's a guy, I don't find the reasons for him to be uninterested in sex to be enough to convince me. I think there are a lot of people who just don't want to talk about sex, maybe because it makes them feel embarrassed, or uncomfortable. Sometimes I wonder if I write about or say things that make people feel uncomfortable. I try to give people warning when I can, but I don't always get the chance. Am I being oversensitive? I know Graham would probably feed them a spoonful of cement and say, "Harden the fuck up" (ah, the fond memories of Jello ).

Personally, I have various levels of comfort when it comes to talking about sex. Like Elliot, I tend to stick with certain terms for various body parts, although I am more from the clinical school and go with penis and vagina. I was discussing writing erotic fiction for NaNo with Olek, and I mentioned how I just can't bring myself to put "cum gun" or "love stick" into a story, or even most of the stuff listed here (wtf, "Moisture and heat seeking venomous throbbing python of love"). "Cock" I could use, but it makes me feel weird.

In primary school, there was one guy who would always tell me not to say "dirty" words. When I asked to borrow his rubber, he would look at me like I was crazy, and say that he didn't have any condoms. So I started using the word "eraser". When I asked to borrow his sharpener, he teased me and said I just wanted to see how big his "pencil" was. I started carefully choosing my words in order to avoid coming across words that he had marked as being bad, and sometimes I wonder if my conversation with friends growing up has suffered because of it. To think all of that happened in primary school.

I think that some people who seem uninterested in sex may not be uninterested, just unable to get over the psychological taboo of talking about it. I was definitely in that group once, and I think finding someone I could talk to about it, and blogging helped me a lot.

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