As an example, I have two friends, Patrick and Denise. Well, Denise is my friend, and Patrick is her boyfriend, but we hang out together sometimes. Patrick found out that I play Dota, so he asked to add me to Steam, and I gave him my Steam ID. He is very rarely on, but we have played a few games together.
Denise likes to socialise a lot - she is always organising movie nights, and dinners and inviting a heap of people. She's really nice, and I enjoy spending time with her, but sometimes I feel like it's just too much. She often laments that she feels unappreciated by Patrick, as he doesn't seem to want to spend as much time with her as she'd like - he'd rather go off to his room and work on his own projects or play games, whereas she wants to do things like go out for walks or do some kind of activity. I get the feeling that she is a lot more extroverted than he is.
Last night, I was waiting to play a game of Dota (it was about 20 minutes until the Chinese New Year event in the game) and I got a message from Patrick, "Hey, are you up for a game?" I invited him to join our party for the event, and we played a game. During the game, he passed along a message Denise had for me, and I replied.
This morning, I messaged Denise, and even though she's usually talkative, she barely said anything. The conversation kinda ended when she mentioned Patrick said he was playing Dota with me last night, as she said it in a really hostile way. I'm probably imagining things, but I got the feeling that she was upset at me for playing Dota with Patrick. Maybe she wanted to spend time with him and he said he'd rather play games? I don't know, I didn't want to prod into their private life. Just in case anyone was thinking it, despite the title of this post, I 100% do not think he would rather spend time with me than with Denise. I think he genuinely cares for her, and that he just enjoys gaming. I should also reiterate that I barely see him in game, so I doubt he spends
Which makes me think, who am I supposed to be loyal to? Denise is my friend, and she has mentioned to me that she would like to spend more time with Patrick, and I am in a position where I could suggest it to Patrick, so shouldn't I do it? On the flip side, they're both adults, and if Patrick would prefer to play games, shouldn't I respect that and not try to interfere?
Unintentionally, I felt a bit like the other woman - except I don't think I am. Well, I think it's unfair to make me out to be the other woman, because I never asked him to play, I just invited him to join us after he asked. But I don't know, is that close to accepting a date with a man you know is married, just because he asked? It's that crazy logic of "Their relationship must be bad if he's looking for external intimacy, I might as well enjoy the sinking ship". I do have a personal rule that I will never invite him to play, even if he's not in a game and we have room in our party. I guess a part of me believes that's crossing the line as I am directly encouraging him to spend less time with Denise.
At the bottom of it, I think the real issue is just the difference in their preferences. I get the feeling that he really enjoys smaller outings with maybe two or three others, and having deep conversations about the world. Denise seems to prefer larger parties, as whenever we have a dinner, there seems to be fifteen to twenty people on the guest list. He handles these events really well, but I guess he's one of those people who needs to recharge after a large social outing, whereas she leaves it craving more.
I feel a bit bad for her, as I sometimes get the feeling that she's a bit lonely, so I try to make an effort whenever she organises something even if I don't quite feel up to it. I should stop berating myself for playing Dota with a friend. I will try to tell Albert that perhaps dating someone who is extremely extroverted is probably not ideal for him. That is the lesson I learned today.
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As a special bonus for today, if you live under a rock, or somehow managed to dodge the dress, what colour do you think it is?
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