Planning a wedding is so damn hard. I can see why some weddings can end up costing a small country, because it's just this constant barrage. "Oh, you're looking for flowers, I know a guy." Then you meet the flowers guy who knows someone who does centerpieces, who knows someone who does dresses. It's just the bombardment of people who know people who know people. As soon as they hear you're in the wedding game, they're all trying to sell you things. I feel like to them, I'm just a big pot of gold, but in reality, we're not even close.
I called the florist my aunt suggested, and I told her my budget. She straight out said, that my budget was ridiculous, and before I could thank her for her time, she started talking about her low-cost offerings that were still outside my budget. After a few minutes of sales talk, I managed a measly, "I'll get back to you, thanks for your time" and hung up. Then I went online and found something that is within my budget. As much as I'd like to support friends and family, I just wish they would respect my request. Although, maybe it's my fault, as I didn't really want to tell the florist that I honestly did not care if the flowers came out of my backyard, though I'd prefer it if they were pretty and matched the colour scheme.
Saying no over and over again is getting me really down. I've actually started lying to people now just to try and get them off my back. I know people are trying to be helpful, and I really appreciate it, but it's exhausting. Especially when it's direct friends, or friend of friends/family, I don't want to be rude, so I really struggle with saying no outright, even when on the inside I am thinking, "I can't justify spending $150 on five flowers and some ribbon!" I find it much easier to say no to complete strangers. If I ever get married again, I'm not telling anyone until everything is organised and the invitations have been sent out. Although, if I ever get married again, it's definitely going to be a much smaller wedding. I've done my duty to the family and organised a big wedding..
The other part that's really getting me down is the time sink. We didn't take any leave over the Christmas break because we were saving it for the honeymoon, and with full time work, weekends are pretty much our only time to recharge. But between wedding stuff and social obligations, that time is quickly fading away. Even though I'd much rather sleep a bit more, I've been trying to squeeze in a few Dota games when I can because my brain is so tired from thinking about other things, it's really nice to disconnect for a bit and just relax. Even at the gym all I can think about is the wedding and how little time we have left to organise things.
Which brings me to the saddest part to report. I have been resolving to work more on my lower libido, and watching porn and reading erotic literature has helped a bit, but right now, even though I know that I should, I really can't bring myself to do it. For one, I am really picky about the porn that I watch (although I think that's normal, not everything suits everyone, after all). It usually takes me about half an hour to find something that's worth watching all the way to the end, and even then, it might not be enough, so I have to go and find something else. I think it's worse with literature. I tried a couple of nights ago, and ended up reading a story about a man who promised his now-dead wife he would sing in some American Idol type show. I was quite a way into it before I realised there was absolutely nothing erotic about the story. Not that it was a bad story, but it wasn't what I was looking for at the time.
MrMan5.5 is really understanding, and he never pressures me into anything, but I feel like I am letting him down.
I am really struggling to keep up with my resolution right now, but that's to be expected. If it were easy to keep resolutions, then it wouldn't be so important to make them. Plus, I just think of poor George R. R. Martin, who has so much pressure from fans to finish the next book in the A Song of Ice and Fire series that writing a crappy blog post each night isn't all that difficult in comparison. I am going to get to 100 days! I can completely understand bridezillas now, I feel like this wedding is bringing out the worst in me.
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