I had an interesting conversation with a friend about whether you can ever have a "true friend". Similar to whether you can ever perform an altruistic act, a true friend is someone that you choose to becomes friends with, and whom you have no ulterior motive for being with. Even if you are friends with someone who seems to be nothing but a leech, I guess you are getting some company out of it. Perhaps you even enjoy it to some extent, otherwise you wouldn't stay friends with them.
But what about that guy who is my mum's sister's piano teacher's son who my parents insist that I must stay friends with, you might ask. Well, you may not be getting anything from the friendship itself, but you are getting something from the fact that you are doing something for your family. They may not appreciate it, but it is ammunition you can bring to the table when you are trying to weasel out of something else. Depending on your family though, I guess.
I took a look through my friends list (if there's one thing that Facebook is good for, it's reminding me that of all those "friends" that I have that I can't quite remember off the top of my head), and a lot of the friends that I have I'm friends with for one reason or another. A large percentage of them are gaming friends (both video and board games), and I stay friends with them because I enjoy playing games with them. I hope that the feeling is mutual. Then there's my philosophising friends that I enjoy arguing with (hello GP who isn't on Facebook, I honestly don't know how I manage to remember you, it must be your charming personality). People from work, who I guess I friended to seem like a team player - although I actually like all of them. Family.... I don't think that counts, don't really have a choice there.
I have a reason to be friends with all of them, so I don't think I have any "true friends". Though perhaps that's not really something to aspire to. The best friendships are the ones where you both help each other out. When I think about the friendship I have with someone at work, we began as casual acquaintances. We talked to each other because we happened to start working there at the same time, but it was a lot of small talk, just passing the time kind of thing. I think the biggest turning point of our friendship was when he told me that he might not have a job once our secondment in that area was over. It was the first time I was able to help him in a meaningful way, by being someone to support him as he dealt with that realisation. Then there was all the support he provided me for my long weight-loss journey. We have a deep and meaningful relationship because of the fact that we do help each other out.
It also fascinates me how I can still be so close to a lot of my gaming friends despite the fact that we almost never see or speak to each other, but whenever we do meet up again, everything just picks up like there wasn't a gap at all. Is that what it means to have a "true friend"? Someone that you enjoy the company of, but doesn't require hours and hours of friendship tending? I do love the fact that a lot of my gaming friends are low-maintenance, but I also sometimes wonder if perhaps I am missing out on something, as some of these friendships don't seem as deep as some of my other friendships. Sure, we can spend hours together playing X, but with some of them, when we hang out offline, we don't have all that much to say.
Watching Castle, and it seems like a lot of characters seem to have a best friend who is such a good friend that they're often willing to cover up murders, affairs, and all kinds of illicit activities. It's probably just a plot device, as I don't know how many adults have that kind of BFF relationship with another person. I am leaning a little towards that being a true friend, but again, it's hardly a "pure" relationship, as you have someone who is willing to commit crimes with you! Also, you'd think that a true best friend would keep you out of that kind of situation to begin with.
I really do like the idea of a "true friend" though, as sometimes I do feel like there are people out there who just use me. Most of the time, I don't mind. It's probably a callous way to look at it, but I don't mind doing favours for friends if I feel like our overall friendship has been worth it to me. It just really hurts me when someone tries to make something out to be beneficial to me, only for it to turn out that they were just manipulating me for their own purposes.
In summary, I still remain unconvinced that you can ever have a "true friend", but the soft-hearted person in me is still waiting to meet that person, should someone out there wish to prove me wrong.
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