"so before you play the victim, mr. Nice Guy, before you angrily throw your fedora on the ground and blame the girl you claim to adore so much:
put yourself in the shoes of a girl who thought she made a wonderful friend, only to find out that he just wanted her for sex. that he just wanted her for a relationship. a girl who was just an object to win, a prize. a girl who’s trust you’ve just shattered.
maybe she friendzoned you. but you girlfriendzoned her, first."
It's the first time I've seen the concept of the friendzone being reversed like that. I do disagree with her only wanting her for sex comment, as I don't think being romantically interested in someone means that you only want them for sex. I think that for most people who want to be in a monogamous relationship, it means that this person has picked her to be his monogamous partner. That he would like to spend the rest of his life with her, and hopes that she feels the same way. While sex may be one of the reasons he chose her, it's unlikely that it is the only one. After all, I keep being told a man should sleep with the easy girls, marry the nice ones. Pfft. ~_~
Given that you can't really get "friendzoned" until you are at least a friend, I can see where she is coming from. With a lot of my friends, male or female, they are just my friends. We may play Dota together for hours, or have a deep history rooted in World of Warcraft, but for a large majority of them, I don't think I could be intimate with them (emotionally, not physically), and so they never pass that line that goes from friend to maybe-I-would-date-you-if-the-planets-aligned-and-you-like-me-back. It's not because I am consciously weeding people out, but because the situation sometimes never comes up. A bit like how people who have been through a traumatic event together bond quite easily, I think I bond well with people who I've been able to share myself with. When I went through that pregnancy scare, I ended up telling Meshu, and he agreed to take a pregnancy test with me, I don't think we were all that close before, but I feel quite close to him now, even though we see each other like once or twice a year.
So I don't really see friendzoning as being an active thing (note that this is different to the concept of a spare tyre, which I would like to go into in another post). Is the reverse possible? Someone who complains about having been friendzoned must be in the situation where they have feelings for someone who doesn't reciprocate those feelings, generally with the addendum that they "just don't see you that way." Is the act if deciding that you have feelings for someone an active thing? I don't think so either. Sometimes you just can't work out why you feel the way you do, and at least I've found that there wasn't one moment which I went from having no feelings for someone to being infatuated with them. It's something that grew over time, and often it feels like I don't have any control over it, especially if it's inappropriate, like when I had a crush on my piano teacher.
I feel like it's unfair to sling back with "you girlfriendzoned me first!" if the person can't help that they feel attracted to you. Sure, if they act like an asshole about it, and become abusive towards you, sling all you want and get out of there, but in the case of a guy who hangs out with a girl he thinks is awesome, asks if she wants to date him, and handles the rejection gracefully, he shouldn't be made to feel bad about feeling the way he does.
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I forgot my things I learned again yesterday, so here are two more:
- The first death star had a diameter of 160kms.
- The fastest possible algorithm for working out of the sum of the integers in an array is even or odd has a lower bound of n, the number of integers in the array, i.e. you need to at least look at each integer once. Sounds intuitive, but I never thought about it before!
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