I am grateful for you because in some ways, you were by best friend for a long time. When it was just me and you, we had to do everything together. We worked together to finish all kinds of video games, we made up our own fantasy games to play. I've always wondered if you ever felt sad that you were kinda living in my shadow, since you have the over achieving big sister, but it seems you've managed to surpass anything I've ever been able to do, so I'm glad you managed to find your own thing.
I am grateful that because of you, I always had a player 2. Even though I was bossy, and a sore loser, you still played with me. I'm grateful that despite what happened a long time ago, we ended up speaking to each other again. Even though we still don't talk all that often, I am glad that we can talk if we need to.
Playing with you made me strive to be better, so maybe it was me who was jealous of you and your natural gaming ability. I'm actually really ashamed of this, but whenever I worked out how to do something special in a game, I always kept it a secret. The various shortcuts in Mario Kart 64, how to do certain moves in fighting games, the location of body armour in Goldeneye (though you figured all of those out eventually), the list is so long. Although I guess with the Internet, none of that really matters anymore, since you can look anything up.
-----------------------------------------------
This is also another pitiful one, because I think I probably win the award for worst sister ever. I'm grateful that after that night in the kitchen that everything managed to work out.
I'm grateful that you managed to find yourself as well.
-----------------------------------------------
I'm grateful that you managed to hold the family together. Despite the horrible bullying we put you through, you always stayed cheerful. I'm grateful that you turned into a geek,
I remember when I found out about something you said in one of your therapy sessions - that you like being with me when I'm happy. When I'm not happy, you said you were scared of me. It's a pretty confronting thing to hear.
------------------------------------------------
I think this post should be more of an apology than things I'm grateful for. I'm sorry for being so caught up in myself and my own self-importance to be the big sister I should have been. Sometimes, it's not about being right or wrong, but about doing what needs to be done. W, I shouldn't have treated everything like a competition. Imagine how much more we could have done if we had worked together instead. X, instead of being so focused on myself, I should have realised that I had someone who looked up to me, and needed my help. You weren't an annoying brat that I had to put up with, you are a person, a real person, and I'm glad we didn't lose you. Y, you were bullied like crazy, and all you wanted was to be able to play with us. We treated you so horribly. Yet still, you somehow manage to act like a ray of sunshine with your deadpan humour. I don't know how you did it, but I have a great amount of respect for you, and I hope that you find it in yourself to forgive me for how I treated you as a kid someday.
No comments:
Post a Comment