redbeanpork is the Worst

That is all.

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Well, I'll probably forget why I posted this in a few years, so I should probably explain.

I was working from home, trying to keep my virus contained, and I hear MrFodder laughing to himself behind me. He calls me over to look at his screen, and he's laughing at a picture of Connect One.

He insists that we play it, and we play rock-paper-scissors to decide who goes first. He plays paper and I play rock, so he gets to go first and congratulates himself on winning.

I go back to work.

Later, I get an invite from redbeanpork to play Tabletop Simulator. I tell him that I'm working, and he says it'll be a quick game. I click the Join Game button from the Steam chat window and it launches the game and a lobby password prompt pops up. He tells me the password and I try to join.

....

It fails to connect.

I'm curious as to what he wanted me to play, and check the friend lobby list.

It's Connect One.... -_-

Melbourne Day

Today marks 182 years since Melbourne was founded. There was a celebratory flag raising in Enterprize Park, which I never even knew existed, but is near the aquarium. The ceremony was at 11am, but I figured there would be a lot of talking and I didn't really want to spend 30 minutes of my lunch break listening to random people talking.

I ended up getting there at around 11:40, but it was already over by then! Not only that, but nearly everyone was gone. I guess not everyone was as excited about Melbourne Day as I was.

I didn't get to see the flag raising, but I did get to see the flag. I had no idea we even had a flag.

Through the 365 day photo challenge, I have been seeing more of the city than I had before, and after it warms up a little, and I have more weekends free, I would love to see more of Melbourne, and other parts of Victoria. It's starting to feel wrong that there are all these places that people will fly from other countries to see that I've never even been to! I just wish I had more time on the weekends, though I could probably play less Dota....

Non-Dairy Lamington Ice-Cream

I recently discovered that MrFodder really likes lamingtons, so that inspired this month's ice-cream flavour. I had never had lamingtons before, and bought some to take to a board games night, but there was so much food that I forgot to grab them. MrFodder happily polished them off, but at least I got to try one to see what I was aiming for.

The only recipe I could find that wasn't an ice-cream bar / sandwich and that had sponge cake in it was this one from Nicko's Kitchen, which looked delicious, but was made with cream and sweetened condensed milk (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4re2QcyGgY). It doesn't require an ice-cream machine if you want to try it for yourself. One of the comments asks if you can make it without the coconut and lamington (I assume they meant sponge cake). If you remove the coconut and sponge cake from a lamington, what do you have left?!

I figured I'd steal his idea and make it non-dairy. You can also make it vegan by making a vegan sponge cake, but I just chose a non-dairy one as I struggle enough making regular sponge cakes.

Ingredients
400 ml coconut cream
400 ml soy milk
175g raw sugar
50g dextrose
5g black soybean powder (I tried this to try and soften the mix, but it's optional, and didn't seem to work)
45g 99% cocoa chocolate

1/2 cup shredded coconut
1 cup sponge cake, roughly broken into 1cm cubes

(I used this recipe: https://www.howtocookthat.net/public_html/sponge-cake-recipe/, except I only needed half of it - using 4 eggs instead of 7, and everything else was halved). I used the leftover sponge cake to make actual lamingtons, as MrFodder ate the one I was planning to use for today's photo.

Method
1. Heat the coconut cream, soy milk, raw sugar, dextrose, chocolate and soybean powder (if using) in a saucepan over medium low heat, whisking to dissolve everything. Heat until it just comes to a boil, then remove from heat and refrigerate for at least 4 hours. It should be cold before you churn it.

2. Make according to your ice-cream maker's instructions, adding in the shredded coconut and sponge cake halfway through.

3. Quickly place into a container and freeze until hardened.

It was a bit hard when I took it out of the freezer, but leaving it out for a few minutes was enough to soften it for scooping.

I used shredded coconut instead of desiccated so that you could taste the texture in the ice-cream, as I was worried the desiccated coconut would be too small. It really does taste like lamington, and it's one of the cases where the coconut milk flavour adds to the taste!

I wanted to make a strawberry mix to swirl in, but the strawberries I bought were mouldy. T_T Plus, jam in lamingtons seems to be a controversial topic.

Dr Cox or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Unfriend with Aplomb

A former Valve employee posted a Half Life 3 fanfic recently, and it seems to have caused a lot of backlash against Valve's current franchise baby, Dota 2, the implication being that Valve's focus has shifted and Dota is to blame for why there isn't going to be a Half Life 3. The fact that Valve announced they'd be making a card game based on Dota 2 probably didn't help things. The response seems to be to post a heap of negative reviews for the game.

I don't know how much of an impact the negative reviews will have on the game, everyone I know who plays it only plays it because a friend of their recommended it to them. And the kind of people who are likely to sink cash into the game are people who already enjoy it. I guess it adds just another thing to stop new people from choosing the game.

Some of the reviews are funny.

"Think of how many fans of Half Life died during this time... They talked about how cool it would be to see the continuation of the game. But alas. They will never see it."

I thought this one was clever.

This one pretty much sums up how I feel about Dota.

Person claims to have spent 3 hours in a tutorial but has 2 hours on record. To have finished the tutorial and finished an entire game (approx 40 mins) in 2 hours is quite impressive.

"When Artifact releases you better prepare for unforseen consequences." What are you going to do, leave another negative review? Oh no.

Anyway, reviews aside, I noticed that one of my "friends" jumped on the bandwagon. I put it in quotation marks because we met once, at a party hosted by a mutual friend, added each other on Facebook and then Steam, and have succeeded in never playing a game together since. He messages me every now and again to get me to look at a screenshot from whatever game he happens to be playing at the time, but that's the extent of our friendship. I've been meaning to remove him for a while, and I haven't. I can't really explain why. Maybe I felt bad for him? Maybe I didn't want to put our mutual friend into an awkward situation?

It really bothered me to see that today because often I would have no interest in his comments or screenshots, but I always listened to him patiently, and made some sort of conversation about his screenshots. I'd let him explain skill build ideas to me, and even look up the mechanics of the game to understand what he was talking about. I haven't once said anything against his interests, so to see him to so against one of mine really pissed me off.

Well, today, after nearly 8 years of "friendship", I've finally removed him. It's probably been a year since we last messaged each other anyway. I still feel bad for doing it, but I also feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, as I felt guilty whenever I saw his name pop-up.

Rally

Went to my first rally yesterday.

I wanted to stay for the mass illegal wedding, too, but I'm sad to say that I had other plans, and my legs were getting tired, so I bailed early. (Since I know Jal will huff in frustration and say it's not an illegal wedding, since they are allowed to have weddings, I want to make sure to include that so he doesn't huff at me.)

I was super psyched up for it. MrFodder and I picked up some rainbow coloured shoelaces from Rebel Sport a while ago, and I thought it would be a good time to finally change over my shoelaces.

There were so many people around. At the rally itself, they estimated around 15,000, but one newspaper said there were 20,000.

They had a bunch of people speak at the rally, including some politicians. One of them said that 70% of people who were polled about their voting preference said that they'd vote yes. 90,000 new voters have enrolled this year. A and I were being cynical and wondering whether this whole thing was a ploy to get people to enrol to vote.

One of the organisers said that the sea of people reached all the way down Swanston street, which was pretty amazing. I couldn't see that either from where I was standing. Everyone was really nice, and complete strangers were talking to each other, asking about their experiences. People were wearing some pretty creative T-shirts with funny slogans, or dressed up in fairy costumes and things like that. I heard people complimenting them, asking how much effort went into it, lots of supportive comments, it was really nice. There were even some churches who were there in support as well (and both Graham and Michael will huff at me for not mentioning that they told me there's nothing in the bible against homosexuality, so I'm going to leave this comment here, too).

The banners were great, too. My favourite was this one:

And they had a competition for the best one, with the winner being one that said, "Computer says yes". The runner up was one that listed all the countries who have legalised gay marriage. There were a couple (at least I think they were together) who had a sign saying "Taste the rainbow" and they had baked cupcakes in lots of different colours and were giving them away.

I can't remember the names of any of the speakers, and I was too far back to see anything (standing on the steps of the State Library of Victoria), but there were a few stories that struck a chord with me. One woman spoke about how she and her partner both campaigned heavily to be able to have her name listed on the birth certificate of their kids even though her partner was the biological mother. Which was quite fortunate, as unfortunately, her partner passed away, and she knew that if she hadn't been listed as a parent, she would have had to go through a lot of headache fighting for custody of her children.

Another woman spoke about how her husband had transitioned to being a woman. With the way the marriage laws are now, would that mean they would have to get divorced? The stories were really nice to listen to. It wasn't even the illegal wedding part and I was starting to tear up.

A lot of the speakers pointed out how unfair it was that they aren't allowed to get married just because they're both the same gender, something about John Howard changing the marriage act, and urging people to spread the word and encourage the people around them to vote. They mentioned how the younger generation, who would be more likely to vote in favour of gay marriage, are less likely to vote in a postal vote.

To be honest, I started to get bored after a while, it felt like the talking went for hours. I got there at 12:45, and left at around 2:30. Even the people around me were also getting restless, with quite a few people saying, "Can we just march now?"

The crowd got riled up once we started chanting "What do we want?" "Marriage equality" "When do we want it?" "Now!" "What are we voting?" "Yes!" (It'd be funny if on plebiscite day, the question is changed to, "Should it be illegal to marry someone of the same gender?" or something like that.)

I got to participate in my first rally chant!

We finally started marching, but it was getting a bit late, and I had some things I needed to do, so I joined them until the corner of Elizabeth and La Trobe and bailed.

Admittedly, while we were waiting around at the library, I kept thinking what if a bomb had gone off? I think it would have motivated anyone who was thinking about abstaining into action, probably in favour of marriage equality. Hopefully such dire measures won't be required.

I don't have a personal sob story about this cause, I just think it's something that's unfair. Michael challenged me to write a gender-swapped girl power story (male trying to succeed in a traditionally feminine role), and at first I thought to make my character gay. I interviewed a couple of my gay friends, and one of them said something that made me feel sad. When he came out to his parents, they were accepting of it, having guessed the truth a long time ago, but he later found out that his mum was heartbroken because she would never have a (biological) grandchild. It never even occurred to me that that would be an issue with having a gay child.

Then I think about my other friend, who actually talked me out of making the character gay, as he said it would undermine the message of the story (i.e. the only reason they want to do something feminine is because they're gay, not because it's OK for guys to want to do feminine things). He has gone through all the same kinds of relationship struggles that I have. He falls in love just like I do. He get jealous just like I do. Why shouldn't he be able to marry the person he chooses to spend the rest of his life with? It's not an amazingly compelling argument backed by facts, but it's enough for me to want to vote in favour of gay marriage.

QVM - Borek Bakehouse

I've been meaning to go to the Borek Bakehouse for a while, as it keeps coming up on those list of cheap eats in Melbourne. It's on Elizabeth Street, not far from the Queen Victoria Market. (OK, it seems that's untrue, as boreks seem to have fallen off the cheap eats lists.)

They also do gözlemes, but they're famous for their boreks - as you can probably guess from the name. For $3.50, I found it was more than enough for lunch.

The boreks themselves are just a dough wrapped around a filling and baked. I bought the spicy lamb and vegetables one.

These weren't filled as much as I'd have liked, but as I mentioned earlier, it was more than enough for lunch. It was lamb mince, and I'm not really sure what the "vegetables" were, unless only onion is enough to count as "vegetables".

It was tasty, and I did like the flavour of the pastry. Probably not something I'd eat that often though, as it was mostly pastry. But for $3.50, I'm not complaining.

Pudge and Silencer at the Library

Fan-Fiction Friday! Featuring two of my favourite Dota 2 heroes: Silencer and Pudge. My goal in writing this is to channel my 15-year-old self.

--------------------------------------------

Silencer's stomach began to grumble, and he quickly silenced it through sheer force of will. He looked up to see if his master had noticed, but his master didn't even stir from his sleep. Quietly sliding on his terry-towel slippers, Silencer slowly made his way towards the hall, gently opening the door and then sliding it shut without making a sound. It wouldn't do to wake his master up this early.

Once he made it to the outer confines of the Sanctuary, he changed into his boots and ran towards the butcher shop. He was really excited to see what Mr Goldstone had on offer today, as the chef said that since it was birthday, he could pick what they'd be eating for dinner.

He walked in the door, and covered his ears in pain.

Clink, clink, clink. Someone was dragging chains around, and the loud sound was far more than he was used to.

"Stop! Please stop!" he whispered in desparation, hoping someone would end the agony.

The clinking stopped.

"CHIN CHOPPER, CHIN CHOPPER," the fat green-haired man drawled.

"Pudge, shhhh!" Mr Goldstone ran out frantically from the back. He turned to Silencer. "I'm sorry, " he whispered quietly. "This is my nephew, Pudge. Me brother wants him to learn a trade, said he likes workin' with meat."

Silencer finally took in the strange, fat creature in front of him. His hair was a disgusting shade of green -the kind of colour you'd expect to see in a toxic waste dump, or cow poop. His face looked like a truck had run over it, and then reversed so it could run over it again. His teeth struggled to stay in his mouth. His eyes looked like they were candies on a gingerbread man that had fallen off and a child had clumsily glued them back on. Did he even have a nose? It was hard to tell. Then you get to his body. It was easy to see why he was called Pudge.

"LOOK AT ALL THAT MEAT JUST WAITING TO BE CARVED" Pudge yelled, proudly.

Silencer covered his ears in pain again, and saw Mr Goldstone saying something to Pudge, but couldn't make out the words. Once Pudge's mouth stopped moving, he hesitantly uncovered his ears.

"What would you like today, Mr Silencer?"

"The chef said I could have whatever I wanted for dinner tonight, because it's my birthday!"

"We just got some fresh lamb from the farm up near Top Tower. Reckon it'd go great with some rosemary. Pop it in the oven with some potatoes."

"Sounds delicious. And the usual order for everyone else, thanks."

Mr Goldstone whispered something into Pudge's ear, and the boy / man / creature's eyes perked up. He picked up the butcher's knife from the block, and with a speed that seemed unbelievable given the thing's side, he quickly carved out the choice pieces from a large lamb hanging from a hook and wrapped it up. Silencer watched him in awe, his movements were mesmerising.

After packaging the lamb, he set to work on the other carcasses, laughing softly to himself and repeating, "Fresh meat", over and over again. His apron was covered in blood, but he didn't seem to care, happily slashing away.

Mr Goldstone tapped Silencer on the shoulder. "I hope you don't mind, but Brody is sick today, so I've asked Pudge to help carry the meat back to the Sanctuary. He moves slowly, but he's really strong. Between the two of you, it should be an easy trip. I've told him that you lot like it quiet up there."

Silencer was reminded of the noisy brute he saw this morning. Maybe he could get him to wait outside while he slowly ferried the meat into the kitchen.

"Bit of a hack-job, that." Pudge said, toning down his voice at least 30 decibels, as he began packing the wrapped bundles of meat into a box. Silencer grabbed the smaller of the boxes, and the two of them headed towards the Sanctuary. Fortunately, it seemed Pudge was not much of a talker, so the journey was quiet.

They approached the Sanctuary, and Pudge's eyes lit up once again as he saw all the animals in the yard.

"PUDGE IS HERE!" he declared, loudly.

Silencer dropped the box and covered his ears, too incapacitated to stop Pudge from running into the Sanctuary. His eyes opened in panic, as he feared what would happen.

Pudge happily ran about, his large body knocking vases and causing the ground to shake. Book shelves were falling over. Books that had been precariously balanced in sorted stacks topped over.

"SO MUCH MEAT, SO LITTLE TIME!" He crashed through the fence towards the animals.

"YOU'LL LOOK GOOD WITH AN APPLE IN YET MOUTH!"

Silencer looked on in horror, as Pudge continued making his way towards the animals, who had sensed that something was up.

"NICE BIT O' CREEP FILET."

So much noise, too much noise. Silencer couldn't think properly.

The other librarians had filed out of the other rooms, coming to see what the commotion was. They were shocked at all the noise.

Silencer started to panic. They would know he was the one who had brought Pudge into the Sanctuary. He'd be the one to blame. He had to stop him somehow. But how?! He was going to get kicked out.

"SILENCE!" he screamed, as loud as he could.

Suddenly, it was quiet.

....

...

And that's how he learned his Ultimate.


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I'm sorry for the crappy story, ran out of time!

Coffee (Ice-Cream) with MrBrioche

A couple of months ago, I mentioned to MrBrioche that I'm making coffee ice-cream for MrFodder. He's my coffee bean mule, so I asked him to get some beans for me, and also asked for his recommendation on whether to go a darker bean, or not. MrBrioche said that I shouldn't waste my money on coffee beans for ice-cream, I should just use instant coffee. He's someone I consider a cheap-ass coffee connoisseur - I think he manages to find a good balance between quality and cost. So I was surprised to hear such a statement from him. Regardless, I disagreed with him, and set out to prove it.

Many batches of ice-cream later, and I felt like I was getting close to getting a good consistency for vegan coffee ice-cream. My latest experiment, with cold brew coffee didn't work so well, and I found that heating coffee to try and get rid of the water just left a burnt taste. So instead I tried just leaving it out to evaporate naturally.

The part of the taste test that excited me the most wasn't learning something new about ice-cream, it was the fact that I had managed to convince three other people who share the same name as MrBrioche to join the taste test. So it was going to be a MrBriocheX day!

I mentioned this to D, and he asked a very important question: Do the people know that they're going to be getting vegan ice-cream? He added that he'd be pretty disappointed if he was expecting real ice-cream and got vegan ice-cream instead. I panicked. Ice-cream day was only 3 days away, I wasn't going to have time to practice a heap of batches of real ice-cream. I headed straight for my new hero David Lebovitz, but his ice-cream recipe, and the one from Serious Eats both required egg yolks, and I didn't have any plans for egg whites. The one from Gelati Messina was actually vegan, but required maltodextrin, which I wasn't able to find. In the end, I settled for Nigella Lawson's one-step no-churn coffee ice-cream, which required only double cream, sweetened condensed milk, instant coffee and golden syrup.

I made one batch with instant coffee, and one batch with the cold brew coffee I had made earlier and took them into the office.

I managed to get six MrBrioches in the end! SIX!!! I love it when people who share the same name are together, and it made me so happy that I managed to find six. I had four to start with, and it ended with a tie vote. I remembered that there was another MrBrioche on my floor, so I asked him to join us, but he wasn't in the office yet and the ice-cream was starting to melt! I put it in the fridge and hoped he would be in soon.

I also got two Michaels (one voted dark, one voted light), and a couple people who didn't share a name with anyone else (both voted dark). The other MrBrioche made it in, and voted light, and he said there are actually two MrBrioches on the team, so I waited for the other one to get into the office, and he also voted light.

In the end, the votes were 5-5 light and dark, but from the MrBrioches, 4 of them voted light, and 2 voted dark. MrFodder voted for light as well, so I guess that one wins.

The light one was the coffee bean one, but most people said they liked it because it wasn't as strong, less bitter, and had a smoother taste. Everyone said the dark one was more intense. Other Michael, who I consider a true coffee snob, picked out which one was made from instant coffee right away, and said he'd shoot himself before picking the instant coffee ice-cream as the better option.

So I didn't really prove MrBrioche wrong (as I didn't get MrFodder's vote until a minute ago), but I was really happy to have so many MrBrioches around me at once. It was a really good day.

Hot 'n' Steamy

I had lunch with Jal, D and one of D's friends (not OCD) and he apologised for being a huge nerd. Both Jal and I started laughing, pointing out that we're both developers. D added that I'm the "4,000 hours of Dota girl". His friend, who I'll call Marvin, said that he had played 16,000 hours in 2 years.

I was impressed until Jal did the maths. There's 17,520 hours in 2 years, which means he would have to be playing nearly 22 hours, every day, for two years. Even if he meant a bit more than two years, that's a pretty crazy amount of played time. I asked him what his rating was (not because I'm a Rating Queen, but because if you've put in a crazy amount of time like that, surely your rating is going to be crazily high), and he said it was 6000, but dropped down to 3000 as he wasn't playing as much anymore.

Either way, he was a really cool guy to hang out with. It turns out that we have a heap in common: we were both in the chess club, we both like gaming, we both like the same TV shows and books. He also really opened up, even though it was my first time meeting him, and spoke about some really personal stuff. Most importantly: he didn't think I was weird at all.

I asked D for his Steam ID, as I was keen to play with him. My first action was to check his played time, to see if it really was legit, and unfortunately, it wasn't. However, I looked through his library and he owns a lot of the games that I own, which immediately raised the level of respect I had for him. Still, What he told me about his Dota experience and reality didn't really match, and so I've yet to add him. Not because I look down on him for having less hours played than me or anything like that, just because I don't understand why he lied.

Anyway, some of the uni people have been talking about dating apps, and I did have that idea of a dating app that matches you based on interests, but I couldn't work out a good way of making it different to something like OKCupid, other than my feature of suggesting conversation topics, which a lot of people said was creepy / unnatural. Instead, I was thinking about whether you could have a Steam-based dating app. You get matched with people who have similar libraries, and rather than going on a traditional date, you could game together. That way there's no pressure to spend money on a first date, there's no concerns about going out and meeting someone dangerous, and all the effort of organising an activity to do together isn't needed.

Of course, Dota players would just have to be matched with Dota players:

https://twitter.com/steam_spy/status/729732607013998593?lang=en

I remember someone in my WoW guild telling me that one of the best ways to get to know someone is to see what they're like when they're angry. Playing Dota with a date would be a great way to sort out who you want to stay with. ^_^

I don't know what the demographics for Steam users are, but one of the problems that seems to plague dating apps is the disproportionate number of males to females, and I feel like this dating app would suffer from that. And yes, I'm still one of those naïve people who believes that some people would use this kind of app to find friends, so maybe that could be an alternate use for it.

Even if you only played single-player games, it could still work, as you could both play through the game together, or discuss the game afterwards - like a book club (not taking credit for the idea, someone else from uni came up with the idea).

New Video Editor in Town

I've explained the 365 photo challenge to a few people, and they've asked for a link to my blog. I've been a bit reluctant to tell them, mostly because they're co-workers, and as I've learned from playing Orwell, isolated comments can take on a completely different meaning when taken out of context. There are a a few blog posts that may make them see me differently, and I don't know if they're the kind of people who would ask me for clarification, or just judge me silently.

Instead, I told them that I would make a video out of all the photos at the end of the year (assuming I make it all the way to 365 (of which there are 130 days to go: here's the countdown I've been using: https://www.timeanddate.com/counters/newyear.html. On a side-note, this might be the longest every day blog streak I've had in a long time. Maybe even ever!). My subscription for the Adobe Creative Suite has lapsed, as I can't justify spending that kind of money when I rarely do video editing or use Photoshop. So I've been looking for a replacement for my former editor-of-choice: Adobe Premiere Pro (plus Audition and After Effects).

Da Vinci Resolve 14 is currently in beta, so it's free to use at the moment. Someone at work also suggested using Lightworks which has an option for a one-off payment, rather than a subscription.

So far, Resolve looks and feels a lot like Premiere Pro - though it probably helped that when I installed it, it asked me which editor I used previously, and I selected Premiere Pro. I like how slick the bin system is - I really hated how in Premiere Pro, it looked like the folder view in Windows, rather than the explorer view like it is on the left in Resolve. Plus, the images in my timeline have thumbnails displayed, so it makes it a lot easier to see at a glance which image is being used.

I've yet to work out how to sync my images with the beat of the music, and it might have to be something done manually for now. Will do a bit more searching when I have more time for editing.

Playback is nice and smooth, though I barely have anything in my video at the moment, and none of it is video footage, so it's really hard to compare to how Premiere Pro performed when I was editing 4k video.

So far, it looks promising! My sister said that it crashed a lot for her, but I imagine that I have a beefier PC, so it might not struggle as much. We'll see how it goes at the end of the year when I have all my photos.

Bad Brother is Watching

I got an interesting email at work this morning:

Hi. 

I do not presume to judge you, but in some of few cases, we have touchpoint since now. I do not think that caress oneself is very amiss, but when all your relatives, colleagues and friend see it - its obviously bad.  

So, what am I implying? You surfed the website with porn, which I've adjusted with the deleterious soft. After you chose video, virus started working and your device became acting as dedicated desktop at once. Naturally, all cams and screen started recording instantly and then my virus collected all contacts from your device. 

I text you on this e-mail address, because I got it from your device, and I make no doubt you for sure check this work e-mail. 

The most interesting point that I edited video, on one side it shows your screen record, on second your cams record. Its very amusingly. But it was sophisticated. 

As a conclusion - if you want me to delete all this compromising evidence, here is my BTC (cryptocurrency) account . If you do not know how you can google or youtube for help - its very easy. I suggest that 290 usd will solve our problem and I will destroy our touchpoint. You have thirty hours after opening this letter (I put tracking pixel in it, ill know when you open it). If you wont pay me, ill share the compromising with all contacts I've collected from you. 

Finally, you can ask police for help, but, obviously, they will not find me for 1 day, so think twice, you can lose your honor. Sorry for misprints, I am foreign.

Well, my first response was obviously panic. I was reminded of an episode of Black Mirror - Season 3, episode 3: Shut Up and Dance, where a teenage kid is recorded masturbating, and blackmailed into doing things, seemingly for the entertainment of some unknown hacker - like trying to get to a location 15 miles away in 45 minutes. If you haven't seen it yet, don't read the Wikipedia page - go and watch it, it's great!

I slowed my breath to calm myself, and started thinking over the email. For starters, the only computer I use to access work related stuff has no camera. The only computer we have that does have a camera isn't used for work. So there's no way the two can be linked. Plus, if I really think about the stuff that I watch, it isn't even that risque, so I'd be a bit embarrassed if someone else watched me watching it, but it's not the end of the world. Not worth giving in to the terrorists!!!!

I read over the email again, and after reading it a couple more times, I started laughing at how bad it actually is. It sounds like something someone would write after watching too many episodes of Mr Robot. I mentioned it to A, and he forwarded a couple he had received, too. I noticed that they were charging him less money than they were going to charge me, but his email said that he would have the chance to "become a star among friends". Damn, why did he get such a nice scammer?

I showed it to some of the other developers on my team, and the part they found the funniest was the "tracking pixel". While it is possible to do something like that - you insert a tiny image into the email hosted at a URL that is unique for each person you send it to, and when your web server receives a request for that image, you can track the time the request was received and that's likely when it was opened. It doesn't work that well, because a lot of mail providers will have images from unknown senders disabled by default. Anyway, I checked the source of the email, and it was text only, no img tags or HTML of any kind, so the tracking pixel was a lie.

The other things that emails like this prey on are the sense of urgency. Most people won't have used Bitcoins before, so their first thought might be, "How can I get Bitcoins?", as they will feel under pressure to make this go away quickly, rather than focusing on whether it's a real threat. They also keep pointing out that it'll be shameful for your friends and family to see this stuff so that it's on the forefront of your mind.

Another thing that seems to be quite common for these kinds of email scams - the name of the person never seems to match the email address. So the sender might be called Jonathan Brown, but the email address will be samantha@scammers.com.

As for how the scammer got my work email address, it seems that a bunch of people were hit, so they probably scoured a site like LinkedIn, and tried firstname.lastname@companyname.com, which is probably bound to hit a large number of targets. They only need a few fish to bite for them to have made money, and as far as crimes go, it's fairly low-risk (assuming they're from another country and / or have managed to mask their origin properly).

What kind of things can you do to protect yourself?

• Don't run suspicious software. 
• If you do have a laptop, or whatever it is that you use to watch seedy things, make sure your webcam is covered / unplugged.
• Keep your software up-to-date. Companies will usually patch security vulnerabilities when they become known, so keeping your stuff up-to-date makes the potential attack space smaller.
• https://www.scamwatch.gov.au is a good resource.

I will be going to bed soon, and have not paid up. If, after all this, it turns out that I was wrong, I'm sorry for anyone on my contacts list who decides to watch my video.

His and Hers: Money

(Can you tell my Adobe Creative Cloud subscription has expired?)

Before MrFodder and I moved out together, for the most part, when we ate out, we split the bill, and when we went to do some kind of activity, we'd each pay for our own ticket. The only notable exception is that I would always buy him a choc top when we went to the movie, but I don't even remember how that tradition came about, and he insists on keeping it.

After we moved in together, we created a joint account which all of our joint expenses would come out of: rent, bills, dining out together, other costs that we both shared. Anything that was a solo expense would come out of our own account. We worked out how much we needed to put away each month, and depending on the ratio of our income, we would contribute that much. E.g. at the time, I had just joined the grad program, and MrFodder was still working part time at uni, so I earned about a third more than he did. I contributed 60% of the monthly joint account contribution, and MrFodder paid 40%.

After we got married, we discussed changing to a single account for everything, but decided that we liked the way we have split our expenses. The only thing that has changed is that our income is more or less even (MrFodder now earns more than I do), so we both contribute 50% to the joint account.

A few people have asked why we are like that, one person pointing out that it almost feels like we both have one foot out the door and aren't totally committed to each other. I disagree, it isn't really like that at all. I think our system stems from the fact that we both like to contribute equally, and we both also like the freedom to do our own things.

This is completely based on stuff I've read online, and things I've heard from other people, but it seems like money is a huge contributing factor to marital problems. My parents suffered from this quite badly, but it seems to have gotten better now that a couple of us have moved out of home. Most of the issues seem to arise when each person has a different view on how money should be spent / saved.

I remember reading an article about the difference between male and female Christmas presents (assuming a heterosexual couple). The guy will get some sort of gadget / video game / tie / socks - essentially something for himself. The woman will get some sort of  household good: bowl, serving platter, kitchen appliance - something that would presumably benefit her in some way, but actually benefits the entire household. I find it hard to judge, as I enjoy making desserts, so cooking related gifts for me do make sense, but it was definitely the case for my parents: dad would often get DVDs for a TV show / movie he likes, and mum would get some kind of appliance.

I feel like that's a really unfair divide. Imagine if our personal spending money were divided like that, with MrFodder being able to buy things for his hobbies, and my spending money being used for kitchen appliances and vacuum cleaners. I mean, to each their own: maybe someone really likes fancy crockery and wants to buy fine china while the other person doesn't care. It doesn't seem fair for both parties to have to put aside savings in order to buy a $2,000 set of plates when one person would have been perfectly happy with a $200 set of plates. So it does go both ways.

There's also the other factor, where one person feels the need to scrutinise every single purchase the other person makes. Sure, checking your bank statements regularly is a good habit to get into as it means you find out earlier if someone has stolen your credit card details, but I don't think it's healthy if there's a weekly monetary interrogation in any relationship.

As we both have our own separate money, we are free to spend what we haven't allocated towards our joint account as we wish. I have my $400 per month challenge and MrFodder has his addiction to buying games on Steam, and both of us are perfectly OK with that. If I want to spend $25 for the tiny glimmer of hope of meeting Arnie, that's my prerogative. As long as we're both keeping up the requirements payments into our joint account, then that's OK. What I really like about this system is that I don't have to justify spending $50 on ingredients to practice baking sponge cakes to anyone but myself.

When it comes to the bigger purchases, like furniture, we both have a discussion on what we want, and pick out something together. Then we transfer half of the required money to our joint account to cover the cost.

This is where it might fall over for some people, and it probably only works for us because we're both fairly frugal and like to keep an emergency fund. If one person were like that, and the other weren't, then things like new furniture would probably be limited by whatever the person with the least amount of savings could afford, which might make it tough to discuss what you want if the person with more money wants to spend more. One person may always end up covering the lion's share if the other person is a reckless spender. Or maybe they just don't care, because one person happens to earn a lot more than the other. Again, to each their own.

The other side benefit is that we can buy things for each other and keep it a surprise - though we've kinda given up on the gifts thing now, so it's bit a big a deal anymore. I asked some of the married people I know who have joint accounts how they buy gifts for each other, and a lot just said they will take out cash beforehand. But that really only works if you're buying something in person - you can't do that online! :( Gifts for family and friends will come out of the respective person's bank account: MrFodder buys presents for his family and friends, and I buy presents for mine.

When they're bigger purchases that don't affect both of us equally, we aren't required to talk it over, but we tend to anyway. For instance, MrFodder really wanted a new TV and I wanted an ice-cream machine. I rarely ever watch TV, and I don't think MrFodder wants to make ice-cream at all (though he'll happily eat ice-cream I've made), so they could have come under personal expenses. But the TV was $3,000, and the ice-cream machine $400, which is a decent chunk of money that isn't going towards our savings, so we both talked it over. MrFodder found a TV he liked, and I found an ice-cream machine I liked, and we both got the OK from the other person.

There is a bit of overhead making sure our joint account has enough money for everything, and this is where software like YNAB comes in handy - as you get a good view of your spending patterns. I actually enjoy doing this kind of stuff, so I don't mind doing it, but other people would probably find it a chore. I find it a chore if I haven't kept it up-to-date for a while, but once it's on track, I like looking at the reports and seeing where all of our money goes. But our joint expenses don't really change all that much, so there isn't a huge amount to manage, and it's mostly just a matter of dividing up how much of the credit card needs to be paid off with the joint account money, and how much is my personal money.

Is this the best way for a couple to manage their money? I don't know, but it has worked for us so far. However, we are both fairly responsible with money, so combing our finances probably would have worked, too. I guess having the option of spending money without having to check with the other person first is something that's important to both of us. We trust each other to talk over the big things, but we don't sweat the small stuff. I'm really curious how other couples have handled it, and what their personalities are like. There aren't many similar-aged couples I know where I'm close enough to both partners that I'll have a fair idea of their personality, and be close enough to ask this kind of question. :(

Game Review: Orwell

When Pharmacist saw me playing this game this morning, he said, "your sort of game :P". When MrFodder woke up and saw me playing this game, he said, "It's the perfect Fodder game." Add this to the growing list of dystopic socialist games I have in my steam library.

In this game, you play an investigator for a system called Orwell. Once a person has been identified as a person of interest, you are tasked with investigating their lives, and trying to find evidence that they were or weren't linked with a particular crime. It starts out with information available on public websites, but as you uncover more and more information about them, such as their online handles, phone numbers, or PC IDs, you gain access to more ways in which you can spy on them. If you find that people they're associated with may be linked to a crime, the higher ups may deem them persons of interest by association, which allows you to spy on them, too.

It's a stalker's paradise.

The game starts off a bit slow as you learn the controls and unlock more and more features, but once the story starts to unravel, it really digs its hooks into you. I played it from start to end in one sitting, though it's one of those games with multiple endings based on decisions you make throughout the game.

As an investigator, you can upload information that you find into Orwell for the advisors to use. They will only see what you upload, so you have the power to portray someone as badly as you want, or as nicely as you want. For instance, one of the pieces of information you can upload is one character saying to another, "that's torture and cruelty by my friend", which links the two characters as friend, but also lists one of the characters as having the trait "engaged in torture".

Which any sane person looking at the context (Cassandra has convinced Juliet to go clubbing and she doesn't like going out) would know is untrue, but if you are only given that line to go on, then it's easy to make that kind of conclusion. As an investigator, you'll often come across conflicting pieces of information, and it's up to you to look at the context and try and work out which piece of information is "correct". For instance, one person might post a pro-government statement on a public website, but post an anti-government statement on their private blog. You get to choose which gets linked to their profile.

As the game continues, and you listen in on phone calls and read emails, you get to know the people. I began to doubt that I was doing the right thing. The game did a really great job of making you flip-flop between thinking someone is a terrible person, and realising they're not so bad, but then uncovering something else and thinking you were right the first time.

It really makes you think about the data that's available about you electronically. For instance, my work conversations between Jal have been pretty intense lately. We were talking about the movie The Belko Experiment over office chat and debating guns vs. axes, as well as whether it'd be worth defending the kitchen (which has knives) or the stationery cupboard (which has scissors and staplers). Not to mention whether it'd be better to have a pistol or a rifle. And yet, every time we've discussed the situation, both of us agreed that we're against the idea of killing another human, and if asked to choose between 30 or 60 deaths, we'd both try to opt for an alternative option.

I wonder what an investigator would think about me from reading this blog. I feel sorry for whoever it is. Not only do they have the emo years to go through, and the numerous posts about World of Warcraft or other inane things, there's the growing number of food posts. They'd probably think I"m some weirdo sociopathic stalker who likes doing experiments on people, and writes too much about trying to do "the right thing". Oh, and that I'm a coward who needs to be more aggressive to play a mid lane hero. And that I like to eat. So I guess they wouldn't be too far off from the truth.

But there is a lot that is posted online that could be used. Most people have a Facebook account, and even with your privacy settings locked down, your friends or family might not be so locked down. I remember when I was searching for RH, and managed to find his wife who had everything set to public (though that's no longer the case - I hope it's not because he read my blog and realised I was looking at pictures of his kid.... not creepy!).  Though she seems to change her profile picture so often (which makes a public post), that I feel like I have access to her photo album and can still see pictures of his son. I'M NOT CREEPY.

The game really makes me want to phase out social media though. I recently uninstalled Instagram, as I really only use it to upload photos of ice-cream to prove to one of my co-workers that I'm keeping up my one-flavour of ice-cream per month challenge. I rarely check Facebook anymore. Even reddit is on the decline, as I find I'd much rather be playing games than browsing reddit for hours. Am I getting old or paranoid? It's hard to tell.

Game Review - A Healer Only Lives Twice

This game sounded amazing. You are a healer, and you and a warrior have to make it through hordes of monsters to escape a dungeon. Your job is to keep the warrior alive, and the warrior's job is to hit things. You can choose who the warrior targets, but that's about all you can directly contribute to combat.

At the start of the game, you can only cast Discipline (which increases the rate at which you get EXP), or Mercy (where you can heal a target limb for a certain amount of HP). You can also craft things with items you pick up along the way - though I really found the crafting menu to be clunky, so I often forget to craft things, which is bad! Combat is fairly simple. Monsters will display what action they're going to do above their head (either attack one of the five limbs, or cast their special ability). Starting from the monster on the left, each one takes a turn to attack, and then the warrior will attack whichever column he's targetting.

If there's nothing in that column, he'll just attack nothing, so you have to keep an eye on what he's targetting. If the warrior loses all HP for a limb, it gets a "serious wound", meaning you can't heal it, and depending on which limb, he loses some stats. You either have to use a bandage on it, or heal it with a spell to cure serious wounds to recover it during a round, otherwise it'll return to 1 HP at the end of a level.

Head: No bravery (your bravery bar doesn't fill)
Left arm: ATK down
Torso: Health down
Right arm: DEF down
Legs: target speed down (takes you longer to shift between targets)

As you level-up, you unlock other spells:
Piety (25 mana): an "AOE" heal that heals all limbs after 10 seconds
Courage (35): a spell that boosts the warrior's attack damage (if you cast it multiple times in a row, he gains "pierce" and will hit multiple enemies in a column)
Faith (40): a spell that crafts an item out of mana
Protection (20): a temporary shield on one limb
Loyalty (50): a "serious wounds" heal, at level 3, it also casts protection on the healed limb
Virtue (30): grants double strike, increases ATK, lowers DEF for 10 seconds
Devotion (5): and a spell that allows you to exchange the HP of one limb for mana.

The game also has a day-night cycle: during the day, the warrior's limbs will heal slowly. During night time, you have much faster mana regen. There's an item that allows you to temporarily change day to night or vice versa.

I wrote that the game sounded amazing, and the disappointing part of the game is the torches. In the bottom left of the screenshots, you can see how many torches you have, and how long the current one has left to burn. Regardless of how healthy the warrior is, you lose if the torches all fizzle out. I haven't once lost due to my warrior dying - every single time I've lost, it's because my torches have fizzled out. So rather than the focus of the game being on healing the warrior and managing mana and attack priorities, I feel like the main focus of the game is trying your best to keep the torches lit.

In each round, you pick up one torch and one red orb. The red orb kills all the monsters for the remaining round, but also destroys any items left on the ground, and you don't get EXP for those monsters. Both the orb and the torch spawn randomly, so you can luck out and have both spawn near the start, or you might find the torch spawns right at the end of every round. There are crafting materials you can pick up which you can use to craft various things, and also a spell for creating an item. Those items can be burned as fuel for your torch, keeping it lit for a bit longer.

So really, the entire game is mostly spent crafting items to burn and spamming the discipline spell to level up faster. Every now and again, you chuck out an AOE heal, or you sacrifice some limb HP to get more mana so you can spam discipline a bit more.

Oh, and every time you win or lose, you gain points which you can spend on upgrades.

This means your spells become more efficient, or you can get crafting materials back when you craft, or various other effects. I feel like it's a bit of a grind to constantly play the same levels over and over again to grind out points to upgrade things.

Overall, the premise was good, the execution didn't quite pull it off. The game feels like a less-mindless clicker game. It's something easy to do while watching a show on Netflix, but not really a game that requires 100% of your focus. I can kinda see why it was done this way, because the game wants to avoid someone just spamming heal and discipline at the start of the game without killing anything to max out the +EXP bonus and become massively overlevelled by the time they've hit tier 2 of monsters. However, with the way it is now, the torch mechanic is too dominant over the entire game. And with all the upgrades I had (probably about 15% at the time I started this last run), I ended up massively overlevelled anyway. I don't think I had to heal at all for a few levels, and was just spamming +attack, discipline and that craft item spell. The warrior's passive regen during the day was enough.

Oh, and because the game doesn't really explain the controls very well:

Hold right-click to speed up the game (during a level, it makes the combat speed up, between levels, you walk to the next level faster - which you might as well do, since there's nothing to do between levels).

Scroll wheel to change the warrior's target.

To burn an item as fuel, mouse-over the bottom right corner of where the item is until an X appears and click the X. Burning an item also allows you to see further, which makes it easier to plan which monsters to kill.

When you click the heal, you click on the limb you want to heal. Right click to exit out of healing mode.

To level-up a spell, click the lock icon in the top left after you've levelled up. If it isn't working, you might be stuck in healing mode.

Left click the crafting button to open the crafting menu. There are 4 pages of items to craft things. Right click to exit out of the crafting menu. Crafting list:

Page 1:
Minor Health Potion: 1 x leaf
Medium Health Potion: 2 x leaf
Major Health Potion: 3 x leaf
Minor Mana Potion: 1 x mushroom (looks like an umbrella)
Medium Mana Potion: 2 x mushroom

Page 2:
Major Mana Potion: 3 x mushroom
Potion of Bravery (fills your bravery bar): 1 x oil, 2 x  leaf, 2 x mushroom
Bulwark (puts a temporary shield on a limb): 2 x wood
Bandages (cures serious wounds): 2 x cloth
Astrolabe (temporary switch night / day): 1 x stone, 1 x oil

Page 3:
Torch: 5 x wood, 5 x stone, 5 x oil
Whetstone (permanently increase ATK by 2): 1 x stone
Wheststone +1 (p. increase attack by 6): 2 x stone
Whetstone +2 (p. increase attack by 12): 3 x stone
Heater Panel (p. increase DEF by 2): 1 x wood, 1 x stone

Page 4:
Heater Panel +1 (p. increase DEF by 6): 1 x wood, 2 x stone
Heater Panel + 2 (p. increase DEF by 12): 1 x wood, 3 x stone

One of the enemies makes it rain. Your torches burn faster when it's raining.

I couldn't get the game working with my Steam controller, but to be honest, I didn't try for very long. I'm a keyboard + mouse healer anyway.

MIFF - The Belko Experiment

Slightly better picture for today's post.

Last night's movie was The Belko Experiment, which was described as Office Space meets Battle Royale. It even has John McGinley in it (Dr. Cox from Scrubs and one of the Bobs in Office Space)! It's a dark-comedy, and very, very bloody, so if gore isn't your thing, give this one a miss. But honestly, what would you expect from a Battle Royale-style movie?

Belko Industries is your typical BusinessCorp™ company, complete with people who don't seem to do much, a guy who spends too long staring at a pretty, female co-worker, nerdy tech people (one of whom plays BigHead in Silicon Valley), gossipy people... you get the idea. The only unusual thing is that it's an American office, in Bogotá, Colombia. They seem to be some kind of not-for-profit organisation, but what they do is unclear.

Not that it really matters. The movie starts with the workers heading into the office, but for some reason, the non-American workers are being sent home, and the guards are different. Everyone's ID is being checked before they enter. It starts off as a fairly normal work day, until an announcement comes over the loudspeaker. "Some of you are going to die. You can reduce that number if you follow my instructions. There are 120 people in the office: kill 2 of them, or 4 will die. Then metal sheets start covering the windows and exits, locking everyone in.

Cue mass panic. The COO, tries to calm everyone down, saying that it's a hoax and that they''ll try to investigate. People split off trying to work out a way to notify someone that they're being held hostage. Then four people at random have their heads blown up. Turns out that the trackers they implanted in the employees to keep them safe in case they got kidnapped are also bombs.

Now that the employees know the terrorists mean business they are given another choice: kill 30 people, or 60 random people will die.

I won't go into the rest of the movie, but it is an interesting question to ask in the office. I first started to think about who on my team would do the best if it were a true last-man-standing Battle Royale situation. Definitely not me, I'm too pacifist to want to kill someone - though I think the point of the movie is that even pacifists will turn deadly if it comes down to it. I'm also not really strong enough to take anyone on 1v1, so my only options are to hide, or to form a group of some kind. I think Jal is pretty self-sufficient. He knows how to take care of himself, and he's a bit of a gun nut - the only problem is that since we live in Australia, nobody is likely to be carrying a gun.

He was the first person I asked, and I was quite surprised by his response. He said the ethical thing would be to try and find a way out of the situation somehow. He didn't even consider trying to work out what would be the fairest way to decide which 30 to kill in order to save 30 others. He suggested banding together and forming a truce. Though he raised the point that people who are parents would probably be focused on not dying, which means they wouldn't want to leave it up to chance that they're not one of the random 60 to die since they don't want to leave their kids to have to fend for themselves. Given the large number of people in the office who are parents, I don't think it would be possible to for a large enough majority of people who are willing to leave their lives up to chance.

MrBrioche likened it to the trolley problem. He said that while it made sense to kill 30 people, as less people would be dying overall, he personally didn't want to have to make that choice. And in reality, 31 people would suffer, as 1 person would probably have to go to jail for the murder of all the other people - though maybe extenuating circumstances would apply here? I don't know if that's a thing when it's not a war or something like that. You couldn't really argue that it was self-defense, even though it is in a way.

Which brings us to the question of how you decide who to kill and who not to kill. I mean, I don't have kids, and it would make sense for me to die, because I have no dependants. MrFodder would survive without me. My genes probably shouldn't be passed along. Then you have the people who have health issues: obesity? short-sightedness? Baldness? Diabetes? That still doesn't rule out that many people on my team. I'd vote smokers next. Elderly?

And even after you've sorted that, how would you do the killing? We have scissors... and one kitchen knife. Oh, I guess there's the fire extinguisher, which you could use to knock someone out. We don't seem to have one of those fire axes, unfortunately. There's the old stick a fork in the power outlet solution, but would that short circuit the system after the first death? And that solution also requires the soon-to-be-dead person's co-operation, which you may not have. There's strangulation, but again, tough to do on someone, and the strangler will have to live with the memory of the deed for the rest of their life - although I doubt anyone is going to make it out of this situation with their mental health intact.

Maybe the best solution would be to have one of the 30 allocated deaths be the one who does the deed. And then as their last act, they stick a fork in the power outlet. So none of the survives have to deal with the memory of taking someone else's life, even though they indirectly have by not stepping in to argue that someone should be saved. I think that's enough distance for most people to be able to rationalise their actions. But this plan still relies on perfect co-operation, so it's fine in theory, would never fly in practice. Which explains why such movies always degenerate into a free-for-all, with the only real alliances being between people who love each other or something sappy like that.

Well. This is more motivation to work out and stay fit!

And the movie was really enjoyable. Pretty gory, which isn't really my thing, but it was enough to make you feel uncomfortable the entire time, but not too much that you just wanted to close your eyes and wait for the movie to be over (like that movie we saw at the Japanese Film Festival that has scarred me for life).

Silent Reading Party

You know what the most dangerous thing in America is, right? Nigga with a library card.
- Brother Mouzone, The Wire, Season 2, episode 10 

Yesterday a bunch of libraries around Melbourne had a "Silent Reading Party". The idea is that you go there and read silently for an hour along with other people who are doing the same thing. Sounds like my mind of kooky party! Unfortunately, we had tickets to see Tokyo Idol, so I couldn't take part, but I did drop by the library and I plan to take part over the weekend.

It's no secret that I love libraries, and I've lived within walking distance of one my entire life (though I'm no stranger to walking. In high school, I'd walk 20 minutes to see mia gemella, and we'd walk the remaining 30 minutes to school, with the nearest public library being another 10 minutes away). What I like about libraries is that they help bring education to anyone who cares to seek it. Granted, you probably need to know how to read first, but I have seen some librarians helping people learn to read in the past.

My parents never gave me "the talk", and unfortunately, that meant most of my sex education came from high school and Tom Clancy books - that man loves his sex scenes! There was also that part in David Baldacci's Absolute Power where the secret service tries to hide all traces that the President of the United States having slept with a woman, including cleaning her vagina of all traces. It made me really scared of sleeping with the president. Not that it was likely to ever happen.

I can't remember the name of the book, but there was another sex scene where a guy is having an affair with someone, and leaves her a pair of earrings as a gift.... inside her vagina. Not only is that gross and painful, but she later wears them out in public while he's with his wife. Perhaps that explains my aversion to getting my ears pierced. Or, you know, the thought of the pain.

But I digress, libraries are great! I hope this isn't what you think of when you go to a library in the future, because it'll probably be what I think of now. Thanks, Fodder...

MIFF 2017 - Tokyo Idols

There wasn't anything at the venue to take a photo of, and I got electronic tickets rather than paper ones, so... this will have to do.

MrFodder and I went to see Toyko Idols as part of the Melbourne International Film Festival.

In Japan, idols are young girls who sing and dance - think the spice girls, but with more cutesy stuff and less "I'm an independent woman" stuff. The biggest idol group is AKB48 who sang Sugar Rush for the movie Wreck-It-Ralph. Their fans can be quite hardcore, and the movie focused on some of the behind-the-scenes stuff of the life of idols and their fans.

The documentary mostly focuses on Rio Hiiragi, a 19-year-old idol. Rio started in a café band, performing in a small café, before breaking off into a solo act - doing live streams for fans, concerts, fan meet-ups and entering competitions. It might seem like she has an easy life, with her fan club "Rio Brothers" and people adoring her, but she actually works quite hard, practicing her dance moves and singing, as well as keeping track of all her fans and answering fan mail - some of which is quite personalised, so it's not like she just sends generic thank you letters. But she has to work hard, because as she says, idols have a limited shelf-life, and she can't do this forever. She aspires to transition to becoming a singer.

That's the nice, heartwarming part of it. It moves on to Koji, who seems to be one of Rio's biggest fans. We learn that he was dating a girl, and hoping to marry her someday. He began saving for the event when she leaves him, having met someone else. Not long afterwards, he begins his descent into idol culture and reveals that he went to 700 concerts in a year (unlike the concerts in Australia, these idol concerts can be quite short, so it's not hard to attend more than one in a day). He has spent his entire life savings on idol culture. In a quite sad note, he admits that he could have bought an apartment by now, but instead, he has Rio. He says he spends $2000 a month on his idol hobby.

His devotion to her is quite amazing, and he rallies her fan club. He co-ordinates the members and strategises on how best to support Rio when she enters competitions. He gets bouquets for her larger concerts, even going as far as to select the flowers used, and organises a cake for her 21st birthday.

As creepy as it sounds, there are quite a lot of rules surrounding interaction with idols. They are only allowed to touch them at "handshake" events, and even then it's only to shake their hands. Though some fans are quite reluctant to let go, and the handlers have to move them along when their allotted time is up (there are actually people whose job it is to time how long the fans have been with the idols). Handshakes seem fairly innocuous, but for guys who don't have any other female interaction other than this, the physical contact is probably really exciting.

The interview some of the other idol fans, a large majority of whom are middle-aged males (though we do see some female fans at some of the concerts). A few of them are at one of the shrines on New Year's Day. Rather than making a wish for their own prosperity or anything like that, they pray that their favourite AKB48 idol manages to make it to "tier 1" this year.

They show that for the group AKB48, there is a general election held every year, with fans submitting the votes. Of the 300 or so members, only the top 80 are going to become stars that year, so it is quite competitive. One of the fans says that the girl they're praying for is 17, so she's becoming quite old. My jaw dropped at this point - if 17 is old, how young do they start?!

That question is answered not long after, where they show a 14-year-old idol, who is singing and dancing like her older counterparts. That's not even the worst of it. Next up is the idol group Carina Amore which features 10-year-old idol, Amu, who is dressed as a cat. One of her fans says that, "The appeal is that they're under-developed. If they were any older, I probably wouldn't like them." He goes on to say that they're like friends, and when someone points out that it's quite a large age gap between friends, he shrugs and says that he's only 24. That's getting into pedo territory there.

They show Amu at one of her handshake events, and it's actually amazing how well she handles talking to the fans. Despite her young age, she's clearly cultivating her image, and she is really diplomatic with her responses, making the fans feel at ease and loved.

So then there's the dark, dark side to being an idol - purity. Idols are forbidden to have boyfriends, and despite the fact that they dress up as maids, schoolgirls, and all the typical fetish things, they're supposed to give off the impression that they're shy, innocent girls. That's so much easier to pull off if you're 10-years-old.

It's not all seedy on the fans' side though, the way the idols treat their fans, constantly saying things like, "I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you" and "Please stay with me forever" which feels a bit predatory to me, especially as they're preying on older single men. It reminded me of the main character in The Girlfriend Experience, whose job is to keep the men coming back and paying money. The documentary says that the idol industry is worth $1 billion.

One of the fans says that he used to have a girlfriend, but doesn't anymore now that he has an idol to worship. Another says that girlfriends are too much effort, and idols are much easier to be around. One of the "experts" interviewed says that idol culture is detrimental to Japan's future and should be banned.

Some of it is quite heartwarming. Rio wanted to promote herself, so she rode her bike around Japan doing concert performances to her fans that aren't from Tokyo. Koji and another one of her fans joined her, and they cycled around together, even though one of them had a bike that really wasn't suitable for long-distance riding. She seemed quite inspirational to other young girls.

The documentary didn't seem too heavily biased in either direction, and it was fascinating seeing how devoted some of the fans are, as well as the world that goes into being an idol. MrFodder and I both enjoyed it, though a part of me still feels a bit unsettled at the thought of 10- and 14-year-old idols.