I've been thinking about the self-declared Forever Alone people, who seem to think that there's no hope in them ever finding a relationship. I can't imagine there are people out there who could never find someone they could be with. Perhaps they just lack confidence. I was thinking about Lucy Liu's character in Elementary, how she's a sober companion. Someone who lives with a recovering drug addict to help them stay on the wagon. What if I could be a relationship companion? Basically a psuedo live-in girlfriend who helps give someone the confidence to pursue their own relationship.
The reason why I've been thinking this, is because there's a friend of mine who I think is an awesome person. He is very smart, very kind, easy to talk to. I've never asked him, but as far as I know, he is, and always has been, single. I don't even know if he's interested in being with someone else, but if he is, I wonder what is stopping him. It's entirely possible that he just hasn't found someone that he really clicks with yet, but barring that case, perhaps he just isn't confident in himself because he hasn't done it before, and to be honest, I think the entire thing is pretty intimidating the first time.
I remember constantly asking myself if I was doing it right. Most of my high school friends had never had a boyfriend/girlfriend, so most of my knowledge came from movies and TV shows - where things are incredibly simplified - "I love you, you love me, now let's have sex." Real life relationships don't just end after the credits start rolling. I can't say for sure that's why my friend has no luck with relationships, but perhaps there are people out there who want to get in the game, they just aren't sure how.
However, the more I think about it, the more the idea seems doomed to fail. Firstly, I wouldn't really be helping them learn how to be in a relationship, I'd be teaching them how to be in a relationship with me. Everybody is different, and the traits that I like may not be the traits that someone else likes. I do think there are some transferable skills, e.g. learning how to talk to someone about a serious issue, learning how to compromise. I don't know how much of a benefit someone would get out of fake-dating someone who isn't even available, as there is no threat of losing that person, and no threat of "going too slow", as the dating companion would just be going at whatever pace the client is comfortable with.
I really want to write a dating assist app, but the idea in my head is only vaguely laid out. The basic idea is that it's a conversation helper, where each person has answered some questions prior to the date, and the app tries to find compatible conversation options. Either party can press a button for a new topic idea, and the app will record how long they spent talking about that particular topic for future reference in order to avoid touchy or unliked topics in the future. The basic premise is that icebreaker topics can be hard, and unless at least one of the two people on the date is fairly outgoing, conversation can become stale. This leads to both parties thinking maybe they haven't "clicked", but I think in reality, making small talk for a long period of time, with only one other person is actually a really hard skill.
So perhaps that's what I could do instead - organise speed dating-like events, where the goal isn't to find a partner (although that would be a bonus), but the goal is just to get used to introducing yourself to someone new, and making conversation with them. It wouldn't even be speed dating, because the entire idea is to simulate a date, where you may be forced to be with someone for an hour or more at a time, and have to make conversation with them. I've found that I'm much better at talking to people I've never met now that I've been forced to do it through the various things I do at work, it's mostly just a matter of practice, and getting better at reading people's cues as to how they feel about the current conversation. And partly confidence in myself, that I'm not a completely boring person, and nobody cares about what I have to say. Even if that's the case, I've found that people would rather listen to something they're not particularly interested in, than stand around awkwardly with someone else and struggling to find a topic to talk about.
I remember constantly asking myself if I was doing it right. Most of my high school friends had never had a boyfriend/girlfriend, so most of my knowledge came from movies and TV shows - where things are incredibly simplified - "I love you, you love me, now let's have sex." Real life relationships don't just end after the credits start rolling. I can't say for sure that's why my friend has no luck with relationships, but perhaps there are people out there who want to get in the game, they just aren't sure how.
However, the more I think about it, the more the idea seems doomed to fail. Firstly, I wouldn't really be helping them learn how to be in a relationship, I'd be teaching them how to be in a relationship with me. Everybody is different, and the traits that I like may not be the traits that someone else likes. I do think there are some transferable skills, e.g. learning how to talk to someone about a serious issue, learning how to compromise. I don't know how much of a benefit someone would get out of fake-dating someone who isn't even available, as there is no threat of losing that person, and no threat of "going too slow", as the dating companion would just be going at whatever pace the client is comfortable with.
I really want to write a dating assist app, but the idea in my head is only vaguely laid out. The basic idea is that it's a conversation helper, where each person has answered some questions prior to the date, and the app tries to find compatible conversation options. Either party can press a button for a new topic idea, and the app will record how long they spent talking about that particular topic for future reference in order to avoid touchy or unliked topics in the future. The basic premise is that icebreaker topics can be hard, and unless at least one of the two people on the date is fairly outgoing, conversation can become stale. This leads to both parties thinking maybe they haven't "clicked", but I think in reality, making small talk for a long period of time, with only one other person is actually a really hard skill.
So perhaps that's what I could do instead - organise speed dating-like events, where the goal isn't to find a partner (although that would be a bonus), but the goal is just to get used to introducing yourself to someone new, and making conversation with them. It wouldn't even be speed dating, because the entire idea is to simulate a date, where you may be forced to be with someone for an hour or more at a time, and have to make conversation with them. I've found that I'm much better at talking to people I've never met now that I've been forced to do it through the various things I do at work, it's mostly just a matter of practice, and getting better at reading people's cues as to how they feel about the current conversation. And partly confidence in myself, that I'm not a completely boring person, and nobody cares about what I have to say. Even if that's the case, I've found that people would rather listen to something they're not particularly interested in, than stand around awkwardly with someone else and struggling to find a topic to talk about.
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