Going Down

I'm sorry, this one is a bit morbid, so feel free to skip this one, and we should be back to happier topics tomorrow!

In light of all the missing planes and crashes that have been reported lately, I am feeling really worried about getting on a plane. People keep telling me, "It's really only a small chance that you will be in a crash, and you're more likely to get hit by a car", but I'm sure the people who were on those flights were told the same thing, and look what happened to them. The part that gets to me the lack of control. If I were on a plane that was having issues, my fate would rest in the hands of the pilot, and I guess previously, in the hands of the engineers who checked over the planes. And considering how much companies like to cut costs where possible, how do I know that the engineer wasn't thinking about how he had been denied a raise yet again, and he has three children who have crazy extra-curriculars that cost so much money? And he hasn't had a decent holiday in years.

Even in a potential car accident, I have some degree of control on the outcome.

A couple of months ago, I was nearly hit by a car. It was a T-intersection, and I wanted to turn right, so I checked right, then I checked left, then I checked right again. I must have pre-maturely moved my foot to the accelerator though, because when I checked right the second time, and saw a car coming, I went to press the brakes, but I hit the accelerator instead, so I lurched into the intersection. I actually did manage to hit the brakes after that, so now I was stopped in the intersection, with a car coming towards me, and I was frozen trying to decide whether to try and reverse out, or keep going forward. I chose to go forward, and luckily, there were no other cars there, and so I narrowly missed being hit by the car on my right, who honked at me a lot - with good reason. They say your life is meant to flash before your eyes, but all I felt was fear.

Another morbid thought I have quite often is the thought that maybe the side of my building at work will collapse. I start to wonder if I'll manage to get out an SMS to MrMan5.5 telling him that I love him before hitting the ground. I don't think I could. Or should I try and act like a falling cat with a 90% chance of survival? Unfortunately, I'm not important enough to work on the 32nd floor of my building.

Someone at work told me that I should take flying lessons, so that I get a better understanding of how planes work, and will know what kind of options pilots have in the case of an emergency. I've thought about it, but won't repeated trips in a plane increase my chances of dying in a horrible plane crash?

I used to not care all that much about dying, but now I feel like I have a lot to live for. I have so many people who I feel grateful to share my life with, and I think I don't tell them often enough how much I care. I am going to try and do that more often. So at least if my plane does crash and burn, at least I will die knowing that the people I care for know about it. Plus, according to an article on happiness that I read, it's supposed to make you feel more fulfilled when you let other people know what they mean to you. I also think that I will start to appreciate the things that I have a lot more, and not get bogged down by all the things that I feel I need to do, or the fact that I still haven't found my raison d'être.

(Have you noticed that I'm only 14 posts in and I already feel like I'm running out of things to talk about? This is going to be a tough challenge!)