Came across a guy's revenge for his cheating fiancée - at dinner with her parents, he took her ring back and said it was meant to symbolise a promise not to suck her ex's dick and told her to get used to living with her parents because she'll be moving back in with them. MrMan5.5 discussed whether that was an appropriate action, and came to the conclusion that while neither of us would endorse it, we felt it was justified.
Being someone that hasn't been cheated on, at least as far as I know, I'm starting to think that maybe taking the high road is a stronger punishment - I'm going to call this method the surgical cut. Note: I think this relates more to relationships that haven't progressed too far that you've started to intermingle your lives. So your parents are still fairly separate, you still have your own friends, and your own identities outside of the couple - which I realise people who have been together for a long time can still do, but what I mean is, if you were to break up, it wouldn't be a mess of who would take what.
I think if you are going to separate friends, then there is no need to air all of someone's dirty laundry to their friends. These are people you are likely never to see again, so is it really all that important to clear your name to them? MrMan5.5 said that it might be a good idea to let others know what this person is a cheater - give them a scarlet letter of sorts. I can sort of get behind that, but I feel it might be a bit of a lost cause, because they're your ex's friends, and they're likely to side with him/her, and whatever crazy story they have.
Also, and perhaps I am alone in this belief, but I think it's more cathartic to just make a clean break, no need for excessive drama (though I do love drama). Just pack your stuff, if you're living together, and find somewhere new to live. Unless you own the place, or are on the lease, then kick your ex out as soon as possible. No crying, no asking why they did it, no screaming, no plate tossing, just quickly remove yourself from their life.
You might think this is the doormat in me talking, but I disagree, I think this is the ultimate punishment.
Perhaps Reddit is not the best source of anecdotes, but from all the cheating threads I've read, a popular theme is that the cheatee is often blamed for the cheating - "You didn't love me enough" or "You drove me to it by doing X, Y, Z". When in reality, unless it was a gun-to-head situation for some sort of forced cuckolding, the cheater always has the option to break it off before cheating, but they chose not to. Why did they choose to cheat? Possibly to have the safety net of having a partner while trying out someone new to see if they were better? Either way, I think the cheater trying to offload the blame is unfair to the person being cheated on. By doing the quick, surgical removal of yourself from their life, you deny them the chance to explain themselves. Which is really more about them trying to justify in their mind why they did what they did despite knowing it was wrong, rather than trying to give you some sort of feedback to work on. So don't let them do it.
The next part of the punishment, and I think it depends on the type of person who did the cheating, is the seemingly lack of revenge. For me, when I messed up at school (i.e. was late for class), I got detention. Detention just seemed like a fine to pay, in exchange for being able to do something. The worst punishment growing up was disappointment from people I respected. When I got caught red-handed and was given no punishment except to stew in the knowledge that I had just done something really bad. Similar, in this situation, the surgical cut will mean at some point in the future - and it may be far, far into the future, the cheater will be feeling introspective, and they'll remember the time that you left them. They will wonder, "Why did he just leave? Didn't he care that I cheated at all?"
Actually, I just talked myself out of my own idea. I just realised that the cheater will still self-justify the cheating by saying that you didn't care about them enough, that's why you were able to make a clean break. Initially, I thought they'd feel disgusted with themselves, like "I'm so worthless, someone was able to leave me with no fuss", but I doubt that would ever happen unless the person was already fairly low in self-esteem. My whole punishment idea revolved around attacking their mental state, but in hindsight, I think that's a really asshole-ish thing to do! Sure, they cheated, but there's no need to lower their self-esteem over it.
So I take it all back. The surgical cut method would only be recommended if you just want to make a clean break and not deal with drama - or if you have a perfectly shined saddle for your moral high horse like I do. I don't think it's a superior form of punishment. Also, I think if I were ever in that situation, I'd struggle to be cool as a cucumber. Although I'm fairly good at compartmentalising things for dealing with later when I have the mental capacity to do so, maybe I would end up doing it as a coping strategy. I like to be doing something when dealing with issues, and I think packing up your stuff is more productive than yelling and screaming about who is at fault. But ultimately, it's down to personal preference, I can understand people wanting to vent, or publicly shame their partner for being a cheater.
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