Dear Diary,
I have a confession to make. I've been seeing another man who isn't MrFodder. I just needed someone like him, and then he was there.
Being with him is a confusing mix of pleasure and pain. The first time we met... the things he did with his hands on my leg. It was the release I never knew I needed. Every time I see him, I go weak at the knees. Perhaps more evidence that I'm a masochist.
I asked him today if he enjoys inflicting pain upon others, and he denied that he ever did such a thing. He just likes watching other people inflict pain upon themselves. Is this secretly my type of man?
Sadly... today... he broke it off. We're not to see each other again. Perhaps it's for the best - though I would be remiss if I didn't tell you that I thought about hurting myself so that I could see him again. After all, diaries are where you can be honest, right? As I put my stockings back on, his final words to me were, "I hope not to see you again for a long time."
I miss him already.
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Before you start calling MrFodder to tell him about the post, it's not serious. I had my last session with my physiotherapist today. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I have a mild case of runner's knee, and I've been doing rehab work so that I can run in the Melbourne Marathon (12 days to go....). As much as I hated it, I forced myself to do it, and on my second visit with him, he was even more sadistic and gave me even worse exercises to do. I don't think I've ever walked out of his clinic without wobbling.
When it comes to medical people, I never realised that you can shop around. I'd always seen the doctor my mum picked. The psychiatrist I saw as kid was the one that was recommended by my school. We didn't get along at all, and I think in the end, it was more harm than help. At the time, I just thought it was yet another thing that was wrong with me. Last year, I saw a post on reddit where someone wrote about their bad experience with a psychiatrist. A lot of the comments talked about how that psychiatrist probably didn't suit that person, and it was important to find one who you get along with, and you can trust.
It was at that moment that I realised that medicine is a science, but it can be applied in different ways. When it came to finding a physio, I decided I wasn't going to commit to anyone that I didn't get along with. The first one I saw knew her stuff, but we had no rapport. The second one had the same problem. Within the first minute of meeting Christian Grey (I'm naming him after the 50 Shades of Grey dude, because I always joke with him that he likes watching me in pain), I knew we were going to get along really well.
He has the same kooky humour that I have, and he's always teasing me. More importantly, he knows how to push me to get me to do what I need to do to get better. I've only seen him three times, and I indicated to him from the start that it wasn't going to be a long-term thing. I like that he wasn't try to sell me anything, he just seemed genuinely interested in helping me recover from my knee pain.
I really am going to miss him. He gave me his business card, so that I can go back if I ever decide to take up another sport, or try to take my running to the next level, but he said there's no pressure at all, and he really does hope not to have to see me again.
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MAYBE HE DOESN'T LIKE ME!?!?!?!?!!?!??! Was our whole relationship a lie? What did I do wrong? Is my BMI too high? Did my love for fried chicken put him off? Was it because I made fun of him for liking foam rollers? Is it because I can't run 10km in under an hour? Oh... now the self-doubt is coming back. Perhaps it's time to start shopping for a psychiatrist...
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