The Bridget Jones Effect

As I mentioned a few posts ago, I've been reading this book series Eat, Pray, Die about a poison tester who eats food and solves crimes. I've been completely sucked in by this series. I read it during my lunch break, I read it while walking to and from places, I read it while my IDE is busy re-indexing my code. If there's a spare few minutes of my time, I'll sneak in a few pages. Not the most responsible, but I really am hooked.

In typical Fodder fashion, I've been thinking about why, and it finally dawned on me during the start of the first book. The main character is basically Bridget Jones. I'm sure there are tons of posts analysing the Bridget Jones Effect, and here's another one to add to the mix.

The big "awwww" moment in the movie was Mark Darcy's famous "Just as you are" speech:

I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences... But the thing is, um, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are.

As far as good traits go, Bridget is sorely lacking. She's not amazing at her job, smokes, is borderline alcoholic, always seems to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, and struggles with her weight. When it first came out, she was possibly one of the most relatable female protagonists out there. She wasn't the super mum, or the action girl, or the manic pixie dream girl - she wasn't the kind of woman that other women dreamed about being, she was the woman that they are.

Yet despite her flaws, she had two men chasing after her (and a pervy uncle), she did manage to land a job that she was accidentally good at, and she does manage to come out on top in the end. Mostly due to her quaint personality. Despite what I said in the last paragraph about her not being the kind of woman that other women dreamed about being, she was still a fantasy, albeit one a lot of people could actually reach without being a supermodel ninja. I wanted people to see that underneath my quirky nature, I do try hard, and I do have good qualities. And, of course, it wouldn't hurt if Colin Firth decided that he liked me, flaws and all.

This lead me to think about whether the Bridget Jones fantasy is actually healthy. Self-improvement is a huge aspect of my life, and so the idea of waiting around until Mr Right comes along who will love me just as I am seems at odds with that. But the idea of changing an aspect of myself in order to try and attract someone else seems wrong - it seems fake, and at the end of the day, if the person does decide to spend the rest of their life together with you, do you really want to have to pretend to love the esoteric Irish sport hurling for the rest of your life? Nope, me, neither.

I think that's what's so appealing about the "just as you are" love - it requires no effort. But I don't think it would really work without effort. MrFodder says he loves me despite all my flaws, which is probably as close to "just as you are" as I'll get. Some of my flaws he even finds endearing (e.g. the weird things that seem to happen to me (although I say "seem to happen to me", I have a feeling I cause them more often than not)). However, on my side, I try to minimise those things, because even if he loves me despite those things, I think flaunting it in his face all the time is probably not a good way to have him continue loving me.

That's the balance I'm comfortable with - how far I'm willing to be Bridget, and how far I want to go to be a good partner.

Today's side note: As an example of how I've changed, I quoted Mark Darcy in the same way in an earlier blog post (over 10 years ago!), and back then I was using it to explain why women can be clingy. While I still agree with the things that I wrote back then, I feel like I am a lot less insecure, and can get validation from myself, so hopefully MrFodder doesn't think I'm clingy!