Today was moustache compliment day! Here's the summary of events, so you, too, can experience the rollercoaster ride. It all started 4 days ago, when MrMoustache challenged me to compliment the moustache of someone at work by the end of the month. I debated whether or not to bake him a cake saying, "Nice moustache!", but based on feedback from my peers, opted not to and decided that I should tell him in person. Note: It's not like we have a background of great rapport or anything. Our history is mostly work-related conversation, or him smiling questioningly at me while I leave surprises on people's desks or film my movies.
On Friday, we had a team lunch organised, and my plan was to contrive it so that I would be able to sit next to him. I had actually timed it perfectly, and the seat next to him was free when I arrived, however, one of my co-workers jumped ahead of me and sat next to him. I ended up sitting on the other side of the table, two seats away from him.
I didn't think shouting, "I think you have a nice moustache!" across the table would make for appropriate lunch conversation, and would probably make him feel embarrassed.
He did try to talk to me, and eventually, the topic turned to gaming (I discovered that he likes strategy games). Person (who invited him anyway?!?!?!) decided now would be a good time to ask, "Guess how many hours Fodder has spent playing Dota 2?" NiceMoustacheGuy looked at me, and I was incredibly aware that he was about to find out just how much of a dork I am. I mumbled, "Four thousand hours..." and became incredibly engrossed in my lunch. Fortunately, in a rare display of consideration, Person changed the topic. I didn't really get much of a chance to talk to him after that, as Jal and I started talking about Starcraft, so lunch was a bust.
Another thing I learned is that if I angle the picture of Adam West on my desk in a particular way, I can see NMG in the reflection of the glass.
I also found out that he wouldn't be in the office tomorrow, so today was the only day I had left. As further motivation for me, Michael said that if I couldn't do it, he would stop being my friend, as he can't be friends with failures.
PAX Saturday was a promising day. I complimented that guy, but also got a photo of myself wearing the ghost hat from Mario Odessey, and a moustache. I thought it'd be something that I could use at work to segue into the compliment. "Look what I did at PAX over the weekend. I thought you'd find it funny since you have such a nice moustache yourself."
I was all psyched up for Monday. I even had a practice run with Michael before NMG got into work. Everything looked good. But after an hour of waiting for him to arrive at work, I was starting to get really nervous. After he finally arrived, I gave him 10 minutes to catch up on emails and finish his coffee. Then he got called over to fix something. Once he was done, he had something else to fix. It seems like something happened over the weekend with one of our other systems, and he was helping to put out the fires.
My sneaky Adam West mirror ended up being helpful, as I saw that he was preparing to go to the kitchen and get a drink, so I proceeded to try and chug the water in my mug so that I could get a drink, too. Not a great idea, but I powerwalked to catch up to him, hoping that he'd be alone. Unfortunately, when I entered the kitchen, someone else was talking to him, and there was a long line for water. I pretended to casually wave my mug around, as though it was empty, but in actual fact, it was still half-full, and I was trying not to spill anything. I finally caught NMG's attention, but I panicked, and all I could say was, "So... do you know whether Lenny named his baby yet?" Michael sent me an IM, "*epic fail*". Yes, yes it was. *sigh*
I took a lunch break, and used that to have another practice run, this time with MrBrioche.
As I returned from lunch, I saw that NMG still looked busy, and was engrossed in conversation with a couple of other people. I also noticed that his computer was unlocked.
We have this game in our team, where if you catch someone with their computer unlocked, you can change their desktop wallpaper to something embarrassing. I snuck over to his computer and start changing his wallpaper. My heart is beating so fast, and my hands are shaking. I've done this so many times I could probably do it in my sleep, but I had a mental blank.
Then I hear him behind me, "What are you doing, Fodder?"
I look up guiltily. "Nothing!" I run away to my desk, but before my courage deserts me, I add, "I have something I want to show you!"
I grab my phone, but chicken out from showing him the Mario photo, and instead opt for a photo of a tram with a moustache.
"Have you seen these trams with moustaches?"
"No."
"I thought it was pretty cool, and that maybe you'd like it since your moustache is so nice."
He freezes. "Fodder, can we please talk?"
I follow him into an empty meeting room and he shuts the door behind me. I start to think he's going to tell me that he's married and not interested. I'm trying to come up with a good way to explain that I'm not trying to hit on him, and contemplate telling him about MrMoustache's challenge. But then it would invalidate my compliment about his moustache, as he'd think I only said it because of the challenge.
"I forgot that you're new to the team," he says. I am not, I've been in the team for nearly a year now! But I didn't say anything. "A couple of years ago, I got some pretty bad news."
That wasn't what I was expecting to hear.
He continues. "It was..." he lowers his voice to a whisper, "cancer." At his regular volume, "During chemo, I lost a lot of my hair, including my moustache. My wife really loved it, but it never really grew back properly. This is actually a fake one that I wear."
I watch in horror as he slowly tears it off, revealing a naked upper lip.
"I don't really like to talk about it, and I appreciate your comment, but it's not really something I like to think about."
-------------------------------------
No, not really. That's what was going through my head, as the worst case scenario for what would happen if I complimented his moustache. Here's the actual conversation.
NMG: What are you doing Fodder?Please cringe on my behalf, because I feel like I haven't cringed enough. It was about as awkward as it reads. But more importantly, I completed the challenge.
Me: Nothing!
*runs to desk*
Me: Actually, I have something I want to show you.
*shows him the tram with a moustache*
Me: Have you seen these trams with moustaches?
NMG: No.
Me: I thought it was pretty cool, and that maybe you'd like it since your moustache is so nice. I was walking around the CBD to find lunch and I saw it.
NMG: Ah, the 96 tram, huh?
Me: I've seen them on a bunch of trams, this is just one that I managed to get a photo of. It's probably for Movember. Are you doing it this year?
NMG: No.
*it dawns on me that maybe he didn't hear my compliment buried in everything else*
Me: Ah, yeah, it would mean you'd have to shave your moustache first.
(Why didn't I slip in Michael's line about it being a pity to lose such a nice moustache?!)
NMG: Yeah
Me: How long have you had it?
NMG: Oh, probably about 5 years.
Me: I was reading about someone who was doing a reverse Movember. He has had his moustache for 46 years. If he manages to hit his fundraising goal, he's going to shave it off!
NMG: I would feel weird without my moustache.
Me: Yeah... well... it's good. Not like the trams.
NMG: Like Groucho Marx
Me: Yours?
NMG: No, the trams.
Then I drew this stupid moustache on my hand, at the request of MrMoustache, except it isn't coming off! I tried soap, but you can still see it. I hope he doesn't see my hand tomorrow, because that's going to be awkward to explain.
Oh, wait, he's not in tomorrow. Perfect!
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