Misters and Mos

(Disclaimer: Today's photo wasn't taken by me, nor am I part of the photo, which is usually my rule for counting this. However, I don't think the photo would have been taken if it weren't for me, and I did go back and try to get my own photo of a train with a moustache, but did go back to Southern Cross I waited on the bridge for 10 minutes without seeing a single one go by. So I did try to take a similar photo, and added an extra 40 minutes to my trip home because of it. Plus, it's better than the photo I had in mind for this post, which involved me drawing a moustache and some eyes on my hand. So I'm counting it as today's photo. The person who took the photo gave me permission, but said I don't have to credit him.)

Today's topic started yesterday, in a conversation with the aptly named MrMoustache. We were talking about moustaches, and the unfortunate fact that men with moustaches often get told they look like they are a little too interested in young children. I thought Maddox (of the best page in the universe) said the same thing, but it turns out he was talking about a certain type of smile.

MrMoustache went on to say:

I have anecdotal evidence that it is in fact the moustache. How do I know this? Because when I have one, people tell me I look like one 

When I smile, they don't. Usually. 

Also, if you ask someone to draw a typical pedo, the frequency of moustache appearances is much higher than is reflected in current societal trends 

In some ways, it's better if it is the moustache. At least then you can shave it off. If it's the smile, well, you're fucked mate

Now that I had already called MrMoustache a pedo, I figured I should keep digging and start calling him a violent murderer, too, by saying that not all people with moustaches are pedos, some of them are Chopper Read.

I did add that one of my co-workers, NiceMoustacheGuy, happens to have a nice moustache, in my opinion. I don't know if it made things any better or not. I never actually noticed NiceMoustacheGuy even had a moustache, I guess I never really looked at his face before. I was thinking that maybe I look at things in life the same way I look at things in Dota. In Dota, I spend a lot of time looking at the minimap, creeps to last hit, places that need warding, where I should be going, what items the enemy heroes have, etc. I spend very little time actually looking at the models, or the decorations like the little butterflies. In life, I rarely look at what people look like, or are wearing - something MrFodder finds hilarious, because there was one time where he got a haircut, and was standing next to me, silently, while I was waiting for him so we could go to dinner together. I'm not sure how long he was waiting there for, but he said that I even looked his way a couple of times and didn't even notice he was there. I guess I'm too preoccupied with trying to work out people's thoughts, or thinking about where I should be, or what I should be doing.

Anyway, back to the moustaches. I finally worked up the courage to talk to NiceMoustacheGuy, and invited him to play board games with us... over instant messenger, because I was too cowardly to talk to him in person (he turned me down... in person, which was nice of him, but made it more awkward for me). I was pretty proud of myself, and told MrMoustache who asked if I complimented his moustache. I remembered a friend's advice, about how you're not allowed to tell people in the office that you find them attractive, which lead to me telling people I found them not unattractive, which just caused confusion. MrMoustache suggested I should try it like this:

Him: "Sorry, I'm not really a board game person"

Me: "Oh, no worries. Just thought I'd ask. By the way, I admire your moustache!" 

And then follow up comedy: 

"I wish I could grow one half as well" 

Or the serious route: 

"I didn't think I was a fan of them, but I think you've almost singled handedly changed my mind!"

I thought back to how a lot of the posters on /r/askMen complain that men rarely get compliments, and it really makes their day when they do get one. I agreed to try and compliment NiceMoustacheGuy's moustache by the end of the month. Not remembering that the end of the month is in 5 day's time - and 2 of those days are not work days! And it was also stupidly timed, because if I had given myself another month, I could have worked it into Movember. Arrrrrgh!

I still haven't worked up the courage to start a conversation with him in person, how can I casually drop a compliment about his moustache? My first thought was to bake a cake, and then leave it on his desk anonymously. I sent out a poll to some of the people on my old team, and some friends, asking whether it was inappropriate to bake a cake for someone in the office and write "Nice moustache" on it, as a way to compliment their moustache. Most of the people responded that it was. Pharmacist said it was sexual harassment. A lot of other people asked why I didn't just tell him to his face. MAYBE I'M INTIMIDATED BY HIS MOUSTACHE!

By far the best response was from Emily, who said, "If the cake was for me, it would definitely be inappropriate. But if the cake was good, I'd get over being insulted pretty quickly." I'm definitely going to be baking her a "Nice moustache" cake sometime soon.

It was pointed out that leaving an anonymous cake isn't really anonymous for people who happen to know me, as I seem to have developed a bit of a reputation. My next thought was to leave a post-it note on his monitor. But so that he wouldn't recognise my handwriting (because everyone has handwriting samples from their co-workers, right?), I was going to cut the letters out from some magazines. Fishing and automotive magazines, so that he wouldn't recognise the font from some girly magazine and narrow his list of suspects down to the few women on our team.

I didn't want him to think I was hitting on him or something. It's not like he has changed his facial hair style since I met him (at least I don't think so), so it's not like a compliment you throw someone when they get a haircut, or buy some new clothes. It seems out of place to compliment someone's moustache out of nowhere when it has been the same it has always been for a long time.

One of my consultants pointed out that by putting in all the effort of baking a cake, or cutting out letters from various magazines, it would make it seem like I was interested in him, as opposed to just casually saying, 'Nice moustache." He also gave me a good way to drop the compliment: "Movember is coming up, are you going to do it? It'd be a pity to have to shave your moustache off though, it's really nice."

Though given my inability to tell a joke properly, I have a feeling I'd end up saying, "Movember is coming up. You have to shave your moustache for that." and then panic and fail to follow up by saying his moustache is nice. He also took the photo I used above, and suggested I say, "Hey NMG, have you noticed how the trains have moustaches lately? Not as nice as yours, but I guess it's for Movember."

MrMoustache also had a Movember themed one: "My friend is growing a moustache for Movember, but I'm glad you didn't wait for one month of the year! It's magnificent."

I really don't know how I'd approach it. I really don't want to make it awkward between us, especially since I invited him to play board games recently, so maybe he will take it the wrong way. But he shouldn't, right? We're both married, and it's not like I spend all day staring at him - though I have spent a lot of time looking at his moustache lately. I don't think he does anything particularly special with it, I think he just happens to have a face that suits having a moustache.

I guess I am a bit intimidated by him. He's one of those people who doesn't speak much, but when he does speak, he says something really insightful, and you can tell he listens to everything around him, and notices a lot of things. Plus, he sits right next to my unofficial filming room, and whenever I'm doing something weird or sneaky, he usually just looks at me and smiles without asking any questions, and also without dobbing me in (I did hear him chuckle once, as he watched me set up a prank on someone, and that made me pretty happy). So that's also why I'm intimidated by him - he knows all my secrets!

I still haven't solved the moustache problem. I think as a last resort, I'll show him the picture of the train with a moustache and go with that line. It has the least number of complex words, and less ways for me to screw it up and accidentally cause him to feel bad about his moustache. Though I hope he doesn't think about why I felt compelled to show him a photo of a train with a moustache on it. What if he thinks I took the photo on purpose to try and chat him up? I can't tell him that a friend of mine took the photo so that I'd have an opening to talk to him - that's even worse than if I had taken the photo myself!

I'm definitely overthinking this. I have 3 work days to do this. Why is complimenting someone so hard?