I've been stuck thinking about something for a while now. In The Fodder Show, because in my fantasy world, my life is a TV show, with myself as the star (it seems normal to picture yourself as the star of your own show, right? Complete with cheesy narration, à la the sportscaster in Legend of Korra. Actually, I don't know if this is crazy or not, but whenever I'm looking for something, and I'm about to leave and search for it somewhere else, I imagine the camera panning to where it's hidden after I leave, and a canned laughter track playing. Like River Tam in Serenity (though I don't think there was a laugh track playing in this situation).
I end up walking back into the room I just searched just so that doesn't happen. Obviously, I searched the whole room, and it wasn't there, so it isn't going to be there the second time. Then I get stuck in this period of indecision - should I keep searching in the room, or risk leaving the room and trying another room, only to have the audience laugh at me?
The worst is when I'm eating alone, and then I realise I'm eating alone and think about how the show is just me eating. By myself. No dialogue. Just me. Chewin' mah food...
Every day that I don't get committed to an asylum is a surprise to me.
And wow, what a tangent today!)
The story of my life is mostly uneventful, and the biggest thing that rocked the boat, at least from my perspective, was MrCrush. It was a horrible period of guilt and torment, and will-they-won't-they tension (spoiler alert: they didn't). Fortunately, the executives decided to reinvigorate the show and move it to Miami (that was a CSI: Miami reference, in case you don't like amazing police procedural TV shows like I do)! The new cast and location was introduced, but everything was too good. So the writers decided to do what worked so well last time - try to introduce a love triangle.
Enter D, who, on paper, sounds like the kind of person I should be attracted to: he plays Dota, he doesn't drink (at least very rarely), he has strong morals, he loves food (especially cheap, greasy, opposite of fine dining food), he loves movies, playing pranks on people, he is physically attractive. It sounds like the show's writers were trying their hardest to repeat the recipe.
For six months, I stood there on the dock, waiting for the ship to arrive, but it never did. What was the missing ingredient? What is it that draws me to MrFodder and MrCrush, but not to D?
Does it have to do with ease of conversation? I never seem to run out of things to talk about with MrFodder and MrCrush, but with D, the conversation sometimes feels a little stilted. Though we do have some good days, especially when Jal is involved, too. Maybe it's just a case of not knowing each other well enough.
Or maybe, and this makes me really hopeful, MrCrush was it. My once-in-8-years deviation from MrFodder, and now it's smooth sailing for another 8 years at least. Another I don't know what the answer is post, but this time I feel a lot more positive about not knowing. Would it make a difference to me if I had a list defining every single thing I loved about MrFodder? I don't think it would change things between us in any way. Now that I've thought about it a bit more, maybe the fact that I don't know is a good thing. I like learning new things about him, and not all of them make me like him more (some are neutral, e.g. how he likes to eat his eggs), but I love mysteries, and having mysteries to solve with him keeps things fun.
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